It's A Process

what?

2011-03-13T18:53:00.002-04:00

Oh hey there, blog. I know I don't really use you anymore.

(If you are interested in quasi-following what I'm doing - check here.)

I had to post this picture somewhere and Facebook didn't feel right.

IT'S STILL LIGHT OUT - 7 PM!!!!!

I did not have... the best day. I had the DIRECT same thing happen to me that I did to someone else about a year and a half ago, which in some way is just delightful karmic retribution. So I smiled a little bit, even though it really sucks. Because what can you say really?

Nothing. You say nothing.

Plus, UNC... ugh. Awful. Awful against Duke. But in the same bracket as 'Cuse! Could be trouble...

'sup?

2011-02-02T21:01:00.004-05:00

Hey there - took January off as I said I would.

Things are well. I lost 15 pounds since the day after Christmas. Signed up for the Boilermaker and a half marathon. Made some tentative plans for some of my friends from grad school to come and run the Empire State half marathon with me, so that should be fun. This is the year that I hit all my goals and make it exactly where I want to be. I said that in 2009 as well and I almost made it. Stopped about 85% of the way there and ended up in a negative situation that I'm still digging out of. So... this is the year. However, as I know, I can't promise I won't change my mind when the weather is warm and I need someone other than Jack in bed with me. It always tends to work out that way. :)

I've been running the 365 for the past month. I think it's going well; I've had some good pictures. I have to admit - it's difficult to come up with something every day considering my life is pretty boring lately.

Oh, and I finally have hair again. (!)

Nothing else going on. Just rollin' like Sisphyus. Every day we just push the rock back up the hill.

on another level

2011-02-02T21:00:00.002-05:00

Here's a video of my dog getting upset by a video in which he is upset.

forever it'll be

2011-01-25T20:46:00.002-05:00

and now we shut it down

2010-12-29T22:20:00.006-05:00

Ok, this was fun.

But because we (me) can't have nice things, it's time to contain my narcissism and oversharing to Facebook for awhile.

If I'm being honest, I know the reason why I still write this after two years, and it's not a good or healthy reason. The characters may change, but the way they fuel me never does. Same reason I do public speaking, just a different audience. So, why not channel it? I'm working on an idea in my head for a story and unlike most of my other stupid ideas - I've actually run this one by other people... and they seem to like it. So, we'll see. I've taken on way too many "resolutions" so to speak, but why not?

Not to mention, the blog has lead to nothing but trouble over the last few months, in a variety of forms... so let's cool it down, a bit.

I think my last two posts (minus the coat post) were a good way to go on a suspended hiatus. Back in Feb/March probably. Don't forget to check out my 365, which I am still working on...

productivity at work

2010-12-29T17:16:00.002-05:00

No one is at work this week, but you know... I'm there. None of this could have been possible without Patrick. This was a lot harder then it may at first appear. Don't love the picture, but I didn't feel like trying it another 15 times... best we could do with a crappy iPhone camera, I guess.

boo gilt

2010-12-28T22:19:00.001-05:00

Was going to post that Gilt had a sweet deal on winter coats today (I got a triple lined Columbia coat for $99) because I wanted the $25 referral fees, but now I see they've changed their policy to free shipping for every 10 referrals! Holy crap. The cost of a referral just went from $25 to about $0.60. Glad I got like $150 worth of free clothes when I did.

You still sell me very nice clothes and I can never stop loving you for that. Never ever.

2010 in review...

2010-12-28T19:34:00.004-05:00

Last week I gave a very brief synopsis of why I'm kind of excited for 2011, but here's a quick recap of 2010. Everything here is straight off the top of my head. I'm probably forgetting some things, but I guess if this is what I remember then it was what was most memorable.

January: Start the year off with a bang by having the flu on New Year's Eve, surrounded by what appeared to be all delicious food that I couldn't eat. I tried a little and almost puked all over. Get some cat allergies going at the same time. Really rang in the New Year. Not the most memorable month. Went on a five small meals a day diet... lost 15 pounds without exercising. Gave it up at the end of the month because it was too hard. Remember very clearly when I said screw it; a Syracuse Crunch game where I had nachos and enjoyed every bite. I had a lot of fun at the game - there was a fight and we had good tickets. Worked the money booth at the Syracuse game with Marissa - had fun doing that.

February: Very nice Valentine's Day at Lemongrass. Very nice 28th Birthday at the Casino, with Brazilian steakhouse, and I won $600! Get $4000 back on my tax return, spend $0 because I'm still afraid I'm going to be unemployed soon. Spend the whole month working crazy overtime due to being the lead in our group on a manufacturing investigation. Get a lot of recognition (and money - because I was still hourly and overtime is 1.5x). Rush Jack to the vet after Marissa notices spots in his eyes and I freak the F out. Vet says they are lipid deposits and they are harmless but he will have them forever (they are now gone).

March: Get my new job! Yay! No more work stress. Big raise, start a 401k. Become a big boy, finally (owning a house for 2 years wasn't enough). Take a week off between jobs, spend the entire time eating bar food and drinking with Bob and the boys. Get to Scranton just in time for the parade, which I was really looking forward to, but Bob and I have a terrible time. We get there too late and everyone was already hammered - and we were not appropriately dressed for the cold. Start spending all the money I've saved up for months and months. Start with some artwork at a charity auction. Redo the living room and upstairs hallway in tan with the red accent wall going up the staircase. Also buy a new refrigerator and dishwasher. Go see the Cornell University Big Red play the only meaningful basketball game they've ever played in my life, losing to Kentucky in the Sweet 16. Have a giant smile on my face for days just thinking about it.

April: I don't remember much of April. I spent the best superfluous $300 I've ever spent on Dr. Dre Beats headphones, which I still use just about every single day. Get a new bed set, update all the curtains upstairs, getting rid of the previous owners hideous tan blinds in the bedroom. Repaint the bathroom. Get a new dining room table and light fixture. Repaint the dining room sage green. Break in at my new job.

May: Go see Stephen Strasburg pitch twice at the Chiefs. He gives up 1 hit over 2 games, strikes out about 15 and looks like a man playing with middle schoolers. Go on a lot of hiking trips/expeditions with Marissa, including Ithaca for Memorial Day. We spend a lot of time buying flowers, which she graciously plants for me all over. My neighbors finally stop hating me. Get my patio door installed after nearly 2 years of looking at space on a wall and wishing it were there! Spend the entire day of installation with Jack, at Green Lakes. Copious amounts of jailbait in bikinis swarm Jack and tell me what a pretty dog he is. I try to be polite and only stare a certain amount as to not get arrested. Spend an entire day (11am to 8pm straight) staining the deck. Assemble my deck swing and relax. :)

June: I don't remember June? Got a kiddie pool for Jack. He hated it. It was used once. That's all I remember?

July: 5 days in Los Angeles. Have In-N-Out burger for the first time - find it lives up to the hype. Reunite with the Pacific Ocean after 8 painful years. Lay on the floor at 1am while still in LA and realize I need to break up with my girlfriend - do so in not the best way. Come to realize that LA traffic is as bad as advertised. Bob and Gorzo visit. I win $600 at the Casino for the 2nd straight visit. We have a crazy night drinking downtown and end up with some bridal party. Mom finally visits. She buys me lots more flowers. I remember this being a very busy and hectic month. Foolishly restart this blog.

August: Spend way too much money drafting fantasy football teams. Have the absolute craziest night of my life at the fantasy football draft in PA. The next day we all gather around and nearly die laughing looking at all the pictures on my camera. Become way too accustomed to half day Friday summer hours at work. See lots and lots of movies. Be lazy.

September: Initiate a 6 month, $500 weight loss challenge with one of my best friends. Promptly lose 10 pounds. Get new glasses. Buy a treadmill. Rearrange my office. Watch my coworker Patrick eat the 6 pound frittata at Mother's Cupboard after the Syracuse edition of Man vs. Food airs. Enter and win a public speaking contest. Become mildly obsessed with Kanye West. Spend every Sunday parked in front of the TV watching football.

October: Attend a Halloween party dressed as a cock-block, get a pretty good reception. Have a pretty quiet, boring month, with a lot more football. Exercise a bit more, but lose pretty much no weight. Get a new dryer. Enter and win two more public speaking contests - making it all the way to the championship round in Rochester. Decide to start growing my hair out - for real this time.

November: Have an eventful Thanksgiving when my mom tells my aunt to go fuck herself at dinner. Have a good vacation week home, including bar trivia - my most favorite. Have my mind explode when Kat Dennings releases naked pictures to the internet. Compete in the championship round of a public speaking contest, talking in front of approximately 150 people. The speech gets a great reaction but I do not win. Most of the month is lost, due to me losing my mind.

December: Buried in snow. Shovel every day for two weeks. Buy a new watch. Have a nice Christmas, make my mom very happy with her bracelet. Start a soul crushing 3 month workout routine that will surely punish my despicable procrastinating soul. Set my own world record for most respect loss for a person in the shortest amount of time. Later find out that it is me who is the idiot. Set to close out the year at a New Year's party that will hopefully have no cats and/or stomach flues.

Really, really up and down year for me, but I guess overall pretty positive.

why

2010-12-27T20:03:00.001-05:00

I like egg whites at night.

I like using the perfect pushup paddles.

I like running (although much more outdoors).

Why don't I do it every day?

Why does this have to be a big deal?

weeeeeeeeeee

2010-12-27T14:46:00.004-05:00

So, it's 3pm. My entire hallway is EMPTY. It's just me and Patrick. And he needs to be here because he's paid by the hour. I should have taken this week off instead of last week. But there is work to be done on the diet and exercise front! I've already started logging all of my calories using FoodScan on my iPhone and it's easy and kinda fun. I'm at 786 currently, which is sorta bad news because I'm gunning for 2000 a day and I'm not sure I'm going to make it.

I was slightly nervous yesterday because the fun is now over for a time and I'm out of shape and I have a lot of work to do exercise-wise... starting tonight. Boo-urns.

Add that to havin' your head asplode just before bed, then calling to tell your friend some crazy news, and he responds with some other potentially crazy news (that pertains to me!) and needless to say I was tossing and turning a little bit. I was so amped last night that Jack was woken up from a nap to be played with... which pretty much never happens.

I tried to read, but that wasn't working. I'm reading The Corrections, currently, the 2001 novel by Jonathan Franzen, and wow. It's these kind of novels that make me realize that I can never write like that. You read some popular fiction and think, oh yes, I can totally do that. This, this I can never do. So good, so layered, so complex. The book sat on my nightstand unread for almost two weeks because I wasn't crazy about the first chapter, but luckily I had some slow spots on my vacation - because wow! Shaping up to be one of my very favorite books.

But anyway, I manage to drift to sleep at like 12:30 (maybe?) and then I was awake again at 3. I tossed and turned all night and finally woke up for good at 4:30. While laying in bed and staring at the wall during this time, I saw perhaps the cutest thing ever. Jack, after a week at my mom's, is always in dire need of some rest. He spends the entire time there thinking that the puppy deathsquad is just around the corner and he's just a wreck. He slept the whole way home, 90% of the day, and was instantly snoring when I went to bed. Around 4:00... he is snoring quite loudly, but suddenly he gets up. Stretches allllllll the way back like he's going to howl (so much that he's almost kinda grunting), does 3 circles, lays back down and conks back out. Snoring again instantly. From snore to snore was 30 seconds max. It was all very cute. I miss these things when I happen to be asleep myself.

So I get out of bed at 4:30... set to writing something that was on my mind. Took a fair bit of time. I had the brilliant idea to brew 8 cups of coffee (Starbucks French Roast - EXTRA bold) instead of my normal 4. 4 I can handle. 8... apparently I can not. I got to work, and was 95% positive I was going to vomit. I had to walk around to make it go away, and eventually once the caffeine dissipated, I was fine. I was thinking that I was going to be a zombie come mid day, but I'm wide awake! It's almost time to go home. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

This has been my super terrific interesting day.

here's to 2011

2010-12-18T13:41:00.002-05:00

I feel really good about 2011. For some reason that I can't quite put my finger on, I just feel that it's going to be the best year of my life. I've never felt that before. Maybe I'm misguided and it won't be - but I just feel it. 2009 and 2010 were both hit and miss for me. In 2009 I had all my finances in order and was in amazing shape, but was stressed out about work and impending unemployment all the time. 2010 saw a lot of debt (which is fine because I did something I really wanted to d0) and me completely out of shape, but on the plus side I have a solid and safe job. Also, considering all factors, I got a nearly $15,000 raise this year. So that's always positive.

So let's take the best of 2009 + the best of 2010 and make the best year ever, right?

What are some of the things I'm excited about?

January to March: Going to get in shape, which is something I've maybe finally learned is something you do and not talk about. Yes, I understand that I'm talking about it now, but it's action time. There's a great theory/idea about changing people's behavior and basically what it amounts to is that you can show someone the way they are incorrect and the correct way a million times, but they won't take any action until they are ready. I am ready. And it's about time. And besides, it's not like I haven't done it before.

Same time-frame; it's money time. I've been kind of looking forward to this all year. Between tax return and bonus in February and March, I should be able to take care of some of the things I've needed to take care of for a bit.

April: I'm planning on getting surgery in April to get rid of this giant cyst in my back. Doesn't sound like something to be excited about, but for someone like me with a minor case of OCD... it's for the best. My coworkers yell at me all the time when they catch me rolling it around in my hand at work! They don't even realize that I'm worse at home. It's gotta go! I'm slightly nervous to get operated on (first surgery!), but luckily it only requires local anesthetic and maybe I'll even get some vicodin out of the deal. :) Also, my insurance covers 100%, which is a plus.

July: Back to Los Angeles, most likely, and that's always something to look forward to.

Late Summer: We're trying to get a trip together to go to Outer Banks and rent out one of this giant houses. I'm really hoping we can make this happen.

I think that 2010 is going to be a year of great change and growth for me. I've already mentioned that I'm going to try to capture it, 365 photos at a time. It's kind of nuts that I'm going to be staring down 30 by the end of the year, but I hope by that time I'm fully comfortable with where I'm at in life and everything that's going down. There were always a few things I wanted to do by the time I'm 30, and maybe I won't have a BMW or a Lexus, but if I'm financially secure and in great shape, then that will be enough for me.

A nice girl wouldn't hurt either.

Merry Christmas to everyone who reads this. I hope you get everything you are hoping for. :)

"See" you in a week.

better enjoy this week

2010-12-18T13:34:00.002-05:00

I'm officially on vacation now, which is nice. My last vacation of 2010, which I suppose it would have to be. 2011 brings 19 days off, which will be nice. Still hoping to finalize how those days will be spent.

But after the vacation, that's when the fun starts. December 27th starts my running program and diet. Lifting program starts the following week. All are going to run through March 21st, with the running and lifting hopefully lasting through the year. As of now I'm shooting for a full year of races, starting in the spring. Active.com has a nice selection of small little 5Ks around the area, and I'm shooting for the Boilermaker in July, the Arc of Onondaga half marathon in September and the first annual Syracuse half-marathon (in conjunction with the first annual Syracuse FULL marathon) in October. This will get me through most of the year. I want to be in outstanding shape for my 30th birthday, which is unfortunately only 14 months away. :(

beep beep narcissist coming through

2010-12-17T16:40:00.002-05:00

I looked back on 2010 and thought... you know what? I wasn't as much of a narcissist as I could be. How can I fix that in 2011?

This is how.

I've wanted to do this off/on for a bit and 2011 is the perfect time. If only I had started in October. I don't even look like the same person now as I did in October and that's pretty much a unanimous decision. Now that my hair is well grown in, it's just WEIRD. But I'm growing my hair out until March, cutting it, etc. Also, I plan on losing a Jack's worth of weight next year. So, big things. Big changes. Good way to commemorate, notice.

Just another way to talk about myself (in a sense, there will be no words). :)

did the middle class finally catch a break?

2010-12-17T13:57:00.004-05:00

The decrease in social security tax from 6.2% to 4.2% for 2011 nets $1000 cash in pocket for every $50,000 you make as an individual.

Yay.

Although I support a lot of what has been happening lately, for ONCE I feel like something the government is doing will DIRECTLY benefit me.

Just also found out at work that we will be getting performance based raises shortly with the increase to start 4/1. Come on 6%!

oh i'm still living at the old address

2010-12-16T19:06:00.002-05:00

Perfect winter song. And I love it so dearly. I have a lot to say about the New Year, but I'll save it for closer. I have very strong feelings about 2011.

maybe, just maybe

2010-12-14T21:29:00.000-05:00

Stranger things have happened.

you'll learn, baby, you'll learn

2010-12-13T12:04:00.004-05:00

I saw what I believe to be my favorite episode of "The Office" in syndication yesterday. It's called "The Chump" and it centers on Michael being the "other man" and slowly losing his mind over this fact.

Michael: Do you think this husband is a super sweet nice guy? Do you think he's an angel? I don't think so. Why is his wife going off and having a little something-something with me? There has to be a problem with him.
Andy: In any cheating movie, the person getting cheated on is the hero. You're Ali Larter, I'm Beyonce.
Michael: I am Beyonce always.

Always.

Side note: The whole throwing Woody in the trash scene from this week's, culminating with Michael blurting out..."I don't know, funny, because it would be a funny story to tell our children one day," while EVERYONE groans at the same time was tremendous. Great scene.

the darkness is gone

2010-12-12T22:20:00.003-05:00

I still love Dexter even though the season finale this year ended like a lot of my dates... (without a climax - 'sup girls?)

I came to realize over the course of this season that Julia Stiles looks kinda like a prettier version of one of my ex-gfs, so there's always that. I groaned when I saw she was gonna be on the show, but she kind of did an awesome job this year as Lumen.

Where to next season? They wrapped up all the potential plot lines. I'm hearing (from my industry sources, aka the internets) that next season is probably the last one... so I'm kinda shocked that Deb didn't find Dexter there.

No more Dexter. Further compounded by the fact that I don't have Lost to look forward to this year. And fantasy football is over... am I gonna have to get a life?

watch this!

2010-12-11T23:20:00.005-05:00

Got my new watches. :)

I apparently keep things in groups of 3. That's just how I roll. (Apparently)

The one on the right is the nice one from Movado. It's stunning in person. I think the guy on the left is doomed to not being worn that much, even though I wore it on Friday and got quite a few compliments about it. It just doesn't compare to the other one.

people shouldn't go crazy

2010-12-11T21:49:00.002-05:00

12 years since the album was released. Still one of the best songs I've ever heard.

Wish she was still making music. :(

abed's gift

2010-12-10T06:45:00.004-05:00

I'm slightly concerned that Abed found the Season 1 Lost DVD as a metaphor for lack of payoff.

It's one of my current favorite things making fun of my all-time favorite thing. I liked Lost's payoff!

meet me in montauk

2010-12-08T20:09:00.005-05:00

Joel: [in the house on the beach] I really should go! I've gotta catch my ride.
Clementine: So go.
Joel: I did. I thought maybe you were a nut... but you were exciting.
Clementine: I wish you had stayed.
Joel: I wish I had stayed too. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of things. I wish I had... I wish I had stayed. I do.
Clementine: Well I came back downstairs and you were gone!
Joel: I walked out, I walked out the door!
Clementine: Why?
Joel: I don't know. I felt like I was a scared little kid, I was like... it was above my head, I don't know.
Clementine: You were scared?
Joel: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation.
Clementine: Was it something I said?
Joel: Yeah, you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?
Clementine: Oh, I'm sorry.
Joel: It's okay.
[Walking Out]
Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.
[Joel comes back]
Clementine: Bye Joel.
Joel: I love you...
Clementine: Meet me... in Montauk...

That's great dialogue. Even better if you know the movie and how it all fits in. Charlie Kaufman is a very smart man. Trying to pick what movie to watch tonight. This or Wall-E. I went with Wall-E, needed to smile. But this is a good movie.

Was my favorite movie for a time. Easily still top 5.

brain-dump

2010-12-08T09:37:00.005-05:00

Been awhile since I did something like this - I've had a lot of focused posts the last few months. No hodgepodge.

I was thinking this morning, as I was shoveling (for nearly an hour) what a stupid idiot I am. I balk at a snowblower for being $600 but then I drop $500 on two watches in a heartbeat. Granted, I've been chasing the expensive one all over for months now like it either a) owed me money or b) i was in love with it, but that's besides the point. Wouldn't the snowblower help me more?, I said to myself as I was shoveling 8 inches of heavy snow. But then I came to the conclusion that no - no it would not. This is good for me. I feel good coming in to work now. It's apparently enough exercise to get the endorphins kicking. I forgot what it felt like last summer when I would run 4.25 miles before work every morning. You're just more awake. I can get used to it. But please stop snowing. Please.

This is my first Christmas in a few years without a girlfriend. Break from big gifts, right? Well, I thought so. No jewelery for sure, right? Also, thought that too. But for the first time in my life, my mom has specifically requested something from me. She wants a bracelet. A silver Pandora charm bracelet (and just a few charms, nothing major she says). Turns out they mark up the price of the charms for Christmas and apparently they are $100 a piece? Greaaatt. She never asks for anything and I love her, so it's not even a question of spending the money, but I thought I was skating this year. No. No I am not.

My 15 year old girl status update: (which I may or may not have recently seen on my niece's wall) You can forget what someone said to you, you may even forget what someone did to you, but you will never forget the way someone made you feel. I like that. It hit me for some reason.

Do you know what I hate? When people lie to my face and think I'm an idiot. Let's hypothetically say that someone has had 3 days blocked off on their calendar for over a month now. Despite claiming they weren't taking any vacation days for the rest of the year. Now let's further assume that this hypothetical individual calls my phone yesterday morning at 8:00AM and then calls my hypothetical coworkers phone when I don't answer. And this person, this sparkling gem, says that she will be out the next 3 days because the Dr. has "pulled her from work." Oh, really? What a god damn glorious coincidence that it coincides with the three days you had blocked off your calendar for a month. And why 3 days? Oh, because anything more than 3 requires a Dr.'s note? GET OUT OF TOWN. I'm glad you think that I, and others, are stupid enough to buy this. I hope you choke on whatever it is you're putting in your mouth.

Also on the do-not-like list: 100% of the population is allowed to think that I am not special. That I am the same as everyone else. 99% of them can say it to my face with no consequences whatsoever. But if you are in the 1% and you do say it to me? That can kind of ruin everything. Remarkable.

sick joke

2010-12-07T17:31:00.004-05:00

You've gotta be kidding me.

I saw a watch in GQ months ago that I just HAD to have, but I couldn't find it ANYWHERE. So, today, I buy a different all black watch from Gilt that is nonrefundable. Come home from work, pop on The Daily Show, see a commercial for the VERY WATCH I can't find. Hit the website, and it's available. SON OF A...

So, yes, I bought two watches today. Stellar!

buried

2010-12-06T21:30:00.003-05:00

It's snow time. It's not so bad. Well, not this bad, yet. (this is from last January - so about a year ago)

I'd say we got about 10 inches so far. I actually shoveled before work this morning, an all-time first. I was out there before 7 am. Lunacy! This will be the year that I keep up on it. Haha. Yeah - this will be the year that I do a lot of things, right? (Like get in good enough shape to buy some Lanvin from H&M? That better happen in 2011!) I also wound up shoveling the deck off for Jack late in the evening... it was up to his neck.

Anyway, I'm coming to learn that I don't hate shoveling snow as much as I thought. It's peaceful and deathly quiet in the middle of a snow storm. Good for thinking. How crazy would it be if I finally got used to the cold and snow? Pretty crazy.

and now for something different

2010-12-05T13:19:00.002-05:00

I'm running out of time.

I've proven to myself lately that I can really lay it all on the line when I truly want something, and now it's going to be time to put that theory to the test.

December 27th is 12 weeks away from March 20th. And I need to be 100% disciplined during that time. Because I want to keep my $500. I'm doing a bad job, and I don't know why. I want nothing more in my life. But I've been weak, distracted.

I miss my clothes. I miss not being so self conscious. I miss a lot of things.

I have a 5K running program starting, which is a bit misleading. It's only a 3.12 mile race, but the program has you running 4 mile runs in week 1. The goal is to run in GREAT time, so you end up running up to 7 miles to build stamina, as well as sprints and hill runs. So that's building block 1. It's through nike.com and goes M-W-F to start with a few extra runs coming in the later weeks.

T-R-S are gonna be lifting days. With my body type, I can never really leave the gym for long periods of time, but I do. Lifting is the key to everything but for some reason I neglect it. I shouldn't even say that like I don't know what the reason is - I do. It takes a lot more time than running. Drive to the gym, get changed, lift for an hour, change again, drive home... you're looking at 2 hours. Tough to rationalize on weeknights, but I mean, really? So that's step 2.

You need to really work for anything worth having. ANYTHING. And I've been thinking about that a lot lately... covering a few different scenarios. Great things aren't just gonna come to you.

Step 3 is the one I never do, and that's the nutrition. Counting calories, every single day. No cheating. Limited processed foods. Last January, I did the whole 5 small meals a day thing, which was hard. I lost almost 15 pounds and that was without working out! Nuts.

Two cheat days. That's it. February 21st - my birthday. It's a holiday and I have it off from work. One day in January, which I guess I should make the 21st to keep it even. And then I can cheat March 21st, but the competition is over then. So it doesn't matter. It matters in a sense, because I want to ride this momentum into the spring and outdoor running season. I still want to run a half marathon next year. But since I want to keep my money I need to do this NOW.

Everything I currently want in life, minus one thing (major thing), is completely dependent on me doing this, so what could possibly prevent me from doing it the right way? And I've done it before.

I'm writing this here to keep myself accountable. They say put it out in the open and you're more likely to stick to it - so there you go.

the part of me left out of the river

2010-12-04T14:10:00.002-05:00

All the street lights glowin'

Happened to be just like moments passing in front of me

So I hopped in my cab and I paid my fare

See, I know my destination but I'm just not there

I've been both helped out and hurt by one key aspect of my personality but I'm really not liking that aspect of who I am right now.

grumps

2010-12-02T21:31:00.002-05:00

You know you're in a bit of a bad mood to start the day when someone tells you that you look nice today and you instantly hiss back "don't patronize me."

Oof.

coincidences-a-plenty

2010-11-30T13:32:00.002-05:00

I listen to music every night. It's a habit I'm trying to break because it's decidedly unproductive, but you know... it is what it is. I slap on my Beats and just zone out for a while. Last night was the first time I let myself listen to my two favorite Christmas songs... both by the Killers.

This is my fave:

Also this:

So, today... the very next day, I get a message from The Killers on Facebook that their new Christmas single is available today. Whoa.

The last few have been kinda messy and not that good but these two are perfection. I hope it's good.

I'm putting my tree up this weekend, can't wait. First time doing it myself since moving into the house, but oh well. I'll make due. My mom bought me a Dwight Schrute bobblehead ornament for my tree to go along with the collection I started a few years ago. I got a sweet Eeyore one last year (always my fave) as well as the Jack ornaments I've been accumulating. Trying a new spot for the tree this year, not sure how it's gonna go!

Yay Christmas.

me vs. google reader

2010-11-28T21:23:00.002-05:00

A week without a computer leaves 3000+ news items to read in my Google Reader feed.

It feels oddly liberating (in a very nerdy way) to delete hundreds of blocks of items without even reading them.

See, internet... I don't need you, ha.

Mmm... maybe I shouldn't say that.

Oh crap.

Baby, you know I didn't mean it. You know how I say things I don't mean when I get angry. (shoot)...

I can't live without you.

a return to clarity

2010-11-24T14:02:00.003-05:00

I just finished reading Freedom by Jonathan Franzen. It was pretty good, probably worth the hype. Patty Berglund writes a memoir entitled "Mistakes Were Made" and that's one of the cornerstones of the book...serving to provide background and also a plot mover after her husband reads it.

In my case...overreactions were made. Probably not the same ring to it. But true. Both positive and negatives.

Was never "empty", just dramatic.

Dial back some of the gushing. I was swept up.

And there are many more examples, but I'm typing on my iPhone.

I'm going to stay levelheaded. It's the wisest move, but also where I'm most comfortable. The sentiments are all the same, just more rational versions. Million little counterpoints I want to make, but I'm gonna let that part of me go for now. This blog offers me a way to still keep my word, but get one key minor point across.

Well, two. I still believe. So...there's that.

That's the last I have to say about any of this for awhile.

bus stop

2010-11-21T22:28:00.002-05:00

On Thursday:

Patrick: Don't be upset. The next bus is coming in 15 minutes.

Me: But I like this bus. It has nice seats. I wanna riiiiideeee it.

Patrick: But I'm just saying. It is.

Young Patrick. Retarded 22 year old Patrick.

Correct.

no stress today

2010-11-21T12:06:00.003-05:00

As I've mentioned previously, for one reason or another, I went off the deep end this year and spent A LOT of money on fantasy football. Ok, $1225 to be exact. Every year I spend $225 ($150 for league with friends and $75 for my work league) but this year I added an additional $1000 in online high stakes. Good idea? Bad idea? I don't know. I do know that Sundays have been like an alternate universe these last two months.

ANYWAYS, due to the format of those leagues having a $100,000 first prize tournament of champions, the regular season ends TODAY (well, technically tomorrow). So, how did I do?

Two of my three teams are still alive and fighting for a playoff spot. Which is all you can hope for. Anything can happen in the playoffs.

Each team is still alive for a $1600 league championship as well as the high money tournament of champions. Both need to do well TODAY for anything to matter.

No stress today. Nope. None.

I think that due to a culmination of a lot of varied things, this is a one year only situation.

So here's hoping to pull a George Costanza and exit on a high note.

dug does not like the cone of shame

2010-11-20T14:34:00.003-05:00

said I wouldn't do something - won't do it.

really want to.

need a cone.

wanna rip my stitches out.

4 k... pt 2

2010-11-19T17:02:00.003-05:00

based on today. :p

who wants a mcrib?

2010-11-18T20:59:00.001-05:00

Yes, that's how I ever heard of this song. And it's great.

belief

2010-11-16T21:09:00.002-05:00

Last year, after James Cameron's blockbuster Avatar was released, a small subset of people felt depressed and even suicidal that the utopian world that he created, Pandora, wasn't real. This simplistic, special effects laden film clearly got under some people's skin - not able to cope with day to day life.

People who believe that Pandora should be real, are they crazy?

Given the size of our universe, the known size of which seems to be expanding on a near daily basis due to the increase in technology, it's almost a certainty that other intelligent forms of life exist somewhere. Despite the overwhelming lack of evidence, people continually believe that aliens have been to earth. Most abduction stories are highly suspect, told by untrustworthy individuals with something to gain. There is of course Area 51 and government coverup conspiracy theories. No proof exists to show that any of this is real but people believe anyway.

Are these people crazy?

Most "ghost" visits and stories are easily explained by aspects of physics or other tricks of light/sound/area effects. There are infinite amounts of stories about haunted houses or ghosts that inhabit certain spots. It's not easy for people to let go of their loved ones and it's even harder to comprehend the after-life (which is almost by nature not comprehendible). Ghosts bridge the gap and almost provide comfort in a way. If ghosts exist, something happens to us after we die. People all over the world believe in ghosts. People all over the world practice rituals, engage in superstitions, and otherwise to speak to ghosts, avoid ghosts, or be near ghosts. All this despite no tangible proof that ghosts exist.

Are these people crazy?

Organized religion is built on principles and foundations that are based on fact, but mostly center around superstitions and myths. If you've ever tried to talk to a born again Christian that believes every word in the Bible is a fact, then you know what I mean. Anytime you present a question that isn't answered by the world we know, you will most likely be answered with "If the Bible says it, then I know it's true." Talking animals. Famines. Plagues. Abraham living to be hundreds of years old. You name it. People fundamentally believe. Despite the fact that there is no tangible proof.

What about these people? Are they crazy in any way?

I tried to cascade from most crazy to least crazy to prove a point in effect. Everyone else is crazy until you consider what you're willing to believe. What level of faith or comfort do you have in the world around you? How much do you need to see, touch, or feel before you're willing to believe? It's not always as easy to put together as you might think. People who may seem crazy at first sight may simply possess a fundamental belief in what they know to be correct.

Now what about love at first sight?

Domestic

2010-11-14T11:24:00.002-05:00

So, this weekend I:

- patched a hole in the side of my garage

- fixed my vacuum and vacuumed the entire house

It was broken for maybe two months. All it wound up being was the belt came off on the bottom. But, do people who don't have animals even need to run the sweeper? Or do they just not need to empty the basket 17 times when vacuuming an entire house? Going back 4 years, if I had known Jack had german shepard in him - well, it wouldn't have changed my decision. But I guess I wouldn't have been so surprised when he started shedding his body weight in hair every year.

- washed my sheets

Taken by itself, not a big deal, but I got a new dryer a few weeks ago, and this dryer takes off ALL the hair. The old ratty one did a pretty poor job with hair removal from the sheets, causing me to always have to vacuum them directly, but these are hair free! yay!

So, in summation - I reduced stray dog hair around the house by approximately 7000% this weekend. That's right, 7000%. That's a whole lot of percent. (I can do it - I will do it 9 times).

Now, my plans for the day are to go to the grocery store and then watch football all day. This differs from my previous plans by... well, not at all.

uhhh

2010-11-13T11:46:00.003-05:00

Do you ever wish you could control your autonomic nervous system?

I can list many reasons why I should not be nervous right now. Good reasons, with solid justifications.

a) I have my speech memorized word for word. I know all the jokes.

b) I've given this speech four times to crowds already. I know people like it.

c) I've made so many modifications to the speech based on feedback - it's almost as perfect as it can be.

I've been thinking all week that this is no big deal - it's a victory lap, I told myself. You may remember, astute readers, that I did not make it to this final championship round. But the 2nd place finisher of the last competition had another commitment and I backed in as an alternate. I agreed, as this is a good opportunity for me. They said there will be approximately 150 people there. Which doesn't really matter - I kinda zone out once the first word comes out of my mouth. I only scan and find a few people to make eye contact with, anyway... along with quick glances at the timekeeper. So the crowd isn't an issue.

But here I am: noon - approximately 4 hours away from the speech and I'm a little nervous.

I think I'll be fine - I know I will be. My nerves aren't even close to where they were from 8-10AM yesterday, when it felt like an entire butterfly sanctuary was being preserved in my midsection. So I'll make it.

I will just have to do my best to convincingly deliver a speech about how happy I am to be single when I have other things on my mind. :)

so much for partner in crime

2010-11-12T07:23:00.003-05:00

If you can't count on your dog to hold a rose in his mouth and look happy for 5 seconds, what is he good for? :)

Good at standing perfectly still with his FU face on and making 7 seconds of video look like a still photo.

I tried to explain to him why he needed step up his game but he just kept laying down. hehe.

crimes against humanity

2010-11-11T12:10:00.001-05:00

Buying underwear online is the WORST. The WORST.

I mean, is it too much to ask to browse high end boxer briefs without row after row of six packs and bulging crotches? Can I just see the product?

And if/when people walk in the room? My god. My boss made slight gay jokes in my direction for weeks when she saw me on an MMA website. You see this? Yikes.

blame game

2010-11-11T07:33:00.002-05:00

on the bathroom wall i wrote i'd rather argue with you then be with someone else
i took a piss and dismissed it, like fuck it, and went to find somebody else
argue in the hall, but still the feelings yo, i'd rather be by my-fucking-self
until 2 am when i call back, and i hang up and start to blame myself
somebody help

Goooooooood song. I can do without the whole Chris Rock rambling ending but damn.

Meant to write last night. I truly did. Have the entire first chapter (or I think prologue) laid out in my head. I'm cheating a little (a lot) because it mostly happened to me. It's my famous "Ivy League kind, ma'am" story that my friends just die every time they hear. But the whole story is just too much to not share in embellished/fictional format.

But then I got the leak of that new Kanye West album. I've heard nearly all the songs, but all the ones I didn't hear I greatly enjoyed. I love this! Helped me get an extra 15 minute in on the treadmill while I was listening to it. My favorite song, as it has been... "Devil in A New Dress". I loved it when it was released as a short 2 minute GOOD Friday song, and now it's beefed up to 5 minutes with a haunting piano interlude and another verse. Sick.

You'd think that the guy who mostly listens to indie-rock wouldn't be so obsessed with a rap album/rapper, but there you are. Also, none of my favorite bands have released albums in forever!

Been deep in thought a lot lately. It helps to escape a little bit.

mood ring

2010-11-10T11:28:00.001-05:00

wrong turn

2010-11-09T17:46:00.002-05:00

You have approximately 4 parties on your day planner. They aren't all on the same day, necessarily, but they are all within close proximity of one another. You have had bits and pieces of each of the parties on previous occasions, but you need to make a decision. Which party are you going to attend?

You know that you can only select one party. They are all pretty wild parties and if you go to one then you're going to be wiped out and not be able to attend any of the other parties.

So you pick a party. And it's pretty banging for awhile. Things are going well. You like the party. While you were at this party, you're getting these updates on your iPhone (or equivalent) that make you think that maybe I should have selected this other party instead of this one. But that's all in the back of your mind. But eventually you realize that this party, this is not the best party I've ever been to. I think I need to leave this party.

Now you're not really focused on this other party. You just need to relax.

So you're relaxing but people keep blowing up the Facebook and the Twitter with their pictures of the party and their stories of the party and all you can manage to think is that "Man, I should have gone to this party. I like what I see from this party and I think I really would have enjoyed said party."

So you see that there may be another party coming up, and hot diggity dog, you want to attend this party. But, alas, it appears as though your party invitation has been filled by another indvidual. So now what?

I mean, I suppose you could potentially wrangle an invite to the party with some type of grand gesture or something similar. But, I mean, really? Do we want to make a grand gesture to attend a party that we don't even know that we're going to like? Just cause it looks awesome doesn't mean that it is, right? But it does look pretty awesome.

I guess the lesson that you learn is that you go to the party the first chance you get, because you might not ever make it back into the VIP lounge. Someone else has taken your seat on the bar stool.

I, of course, am talking about my lunch choice a few weeks ago when I went with the carved roast beef at Wegmans when I was also considering the chinese or indian buffet. Maybe a sub sandwich? By the time I was in line and saw the indian food, I could make a scene and say no I don't want this carved sandwich... I want this indian food instead. But that's too much hassle. How do I know this is good indian food?

No, no. Just kidding. It's a story about a girl. Of course it is.

good morning everybody

2010-11-07T08:14:00.001-05:00

I'd like to take this opportunity to personally thank Kat Dennings for sexting naked pictures of her gorgeous self to some random dude who felt like these photos belonged to the internet (unless she did it herself).

Either way - YES.

I love Nick and Norah. Kat Dennings and Amanda Seyfried naked in the same year. It's almost too much.

Somewhere I can only hope that Alison Brie is making bad decisions involving cell phones.

meh.

2010-11-06T23:57:00.004-04:00

So, it's been about a month since I cut my hair. Even using shampoo now, which has been awhile since that was the case. But yeah... looks bad. About to look hilariously bad. Let's hope this awful, terrible phase doesn't last for long.

Let's see how long it takes to grow out. I think we're having a NYE party, and unless I wind up pleasantly surprised they are going to be hilarious pictures.

Don't see Due Date... it's terrible. That twice (2x!) that Robert Downey Jr. has burned me with awesome trailers. The Soloist also had an incredible trailer and was a heaping serving of mediocrity. What are you doing to me here, Iron Man? I should have seen Megamind.

I'm gonna try to wake up and run before work every day for the next two weeks. Then I have vacation for a week, in which I'm gonna try to be healthy. But let's knock out these 10 runs without being a baby about it, and then everything is gonna be great. Vacation will be very nice - I haven't had one since July and that was a traveling vacation. This will just be a nice relaxing week, and then luckily another one not far after that.

I'm gonna try to be more productive at night - making sure all my chores are done (I tend to fall behind - my bath room is an oof! situation) and also to maybe write? I don't know. I've had an idea in my head for awhile and maybe I'll give it a shot. Thinking of devoting some blocks of time to making a run at it, any way.

A theme/arc involved would be uneasiness/lack of clarity/wanting something more. I can't imagine where the inspiration could have possibly come from.

Side note: playing the new Maroon 5 album while I wrote this (which is taking awhile because it doesn't have my 100% attention) and total soft spot! Good stuff! Cheesy but so good.

accelerate!

2010-11-01T18:28:00.002-04:00

I had a pretty awesome weekend - had a public speaking contest on Saturday morning. I got 3rd place, which ended up being the perfect place to finish. Top 2 advanced to the final round in 2 weeks, but I think I made it as far as I wanted to make it. I felt like I had the 2nd best speech of the morning, but am much happier that I got third. I made it 3 rounds, so I beat hundreds of people to finish where I did. Considering how little time I've been doing it I'm pleased.

From there it was straight to PA. Dropped Jack off at my mom's and went straight to Scranton for the party. It was like a trip down memory lane, staying in the same disgusting hotel room that I've opened my eyes for the first time in a new year a few times. Looks like we'll do that again this year.

We rented out the upstairs of a bar. My friends have a nice network of friends to call upon so we ended up with almost 100 people at the party. I was a cock-block, and people seemed to like the costume. A lot of people didn't get it at first, but once they did most thought it was pretty clever. I think I've decided that next year I'm bringing my all-time best and all-time favorite costume, the kissing booth. It's been a few years since I rocked it to great delight and I've yet to see it again in all the years since. I think it's a clutch costume and I need to wear it once every few years.

But the one main take home besides how much fun I had: when I look at the pictures I wince a little bit! Need to accelerate this weight loss a bit. I had been talking before this weekend even that I think I'm gonna start waking up early and getting my runs in in the AM - that seems to work for me. Add some lifting in at night. But the fact is - I look at the pictures and I kinda want to throw up in my mouth a little bit.

So we need to get working on this. Immediately.

things i have a soft spot for

2010-10-28T19:13:00.004-04:00

this.

Mostly the segment from 3:20 to 3:52 but you have to listen to the whole song to really see why. This song is about his parents, as it were, and it's really quite touching.

Also this one - also about the singers parents. Seen them live in concert twice, they only did this song the second time. It was even better live. His voice really hits the notes perfectly when it's slowed down.

And this: Not about his parents as far as I know.

This version is SO much better than the album version with Norah Jones singing. Yes, it makes more sense to get the female vocal there, but this just sounds right.

For one reason or another, it just hits home. I guess my parents being divorced has colored me more than I usually realize. I've always been confident that I would only get married one time in my life. I still feel that way very strongly. I can only hope that it turns out something like this.

what's going on?

2010-10-24T14:54:00.002-04:00

Nothing crazy here. I've decided to grow my hair out. I've said that before and I gave up after a month but I never really gave it the chance it deserved. I'm thinking that I'm going to spend all winter growing out my hair while I also lose some weight. New year = new you, or something.

Trying to think of ways to tighten up my diet, to compliment my exercise. I like everything I'm doing right now - slowly getting back into shape and establishing routines that will become critical next Spring/Summer. The only minor flaw in that plan is that I have 5 months to lose 40 pounds or I'm out some cash. So, I need to be results oriented instead of being patient and pointing the ship in the right direction. We'll see how that goes.

Been playing Fallout: New Vegas all week. This makes me very happy. Running around the desert, just murdering things in a post apocalyptic nuclear society. Always a good time. Also, there is no Mel Gibson around to make things awkward with his racially insensitive and anti-semitic comments. Also a plus. Have I ever mentioned that I spent an afternoon in the town where Mad Max was filmed? Because I did. The name of the place is Coober Pedy, and it's in the middle of the Australian outback. The interesting fact about the town is that it gets so hot there that alot of the buildings are underground! We went to an underground bar and had a good time.

This picture was taken there:

We were pretending to be lost in the desert; hilarious, right?

Also started that Jonathan Franzen book that I mentioned previously, "Freedom". I can already tell by the writing style that it's a bit too clever by half, but that's kind of my style. I hope it delivers, as I'm expecting it to.

Watching the dogs play as I type this, which makes me smile. Yes, dog. Jake-sitting for the weekend and they play funny. Dipping, darting, and biting at each other in the softest manner possible. It's like doggie kung fu movie filming. Looks real, but it isn't.

Can't even move, budge, flinch, shift, or look upward without Jake bolting up off the floor, getting a toy in his mouth and wiggling all over the place. I have to admit, despite the fact that it gets old fast, it's also extremely cute. He's such a sweet boy. Yesterday morning, I was woken up by growling in my bedroom. It was strangely coming from directly underneath the middle of my bed. Well, Jake was still fast asleep under the bed and he was growling in his sleep. Almost too adorable.

Halloween is next weekend... what am I gonna be? Found a costume, but I guess I can save that for after. I'm not 100% sure how it's gonna go over, but everyone I've talked to about it think it's hilarious. I found the perfect t-shirt to wear with it, so I guess we'll see.

I guess that's enough stream of consciousness for now.

Monthly Fitness Update: 1 of 6

2010-10-19T12:41:00.002-04:00

Well, one month into my six month weight loss challenge. How's it going? Ok - I suppose.

I've lost 10.2 pounds, pretty much exclusively on the back of running 35.2 miles. I can and will do better, but not bad for a start.

Ahead of pace to complete the challenge. I've been slacking a bit, lately, and I need to do better on getting my butt on the treadmill. Let me say one thing about the treadmill... it's a gift and a curse. It's very convenient and it eliminates excuses to exercise. However, it completely sucks in comparison to running outside. I mean, not even comparable. It's just so much easier to zone out and just go when outdoors. Yet another reason why I need to live in a warmer climate.

When I was finishing my undergrad at Cornell, people were kind of hot/cold about leaving and I was like... Get me the F out of here... I'm moving to North Carolina and I'm only coming back for special occasions. A year later I was back in Ithaca. So I finish my MS and yet again I'm get me outttt of here, I'm moving back to North Carolina. Instead I get recruited and offered a job by Bristol and here I am. Since I bought a house, I put a 5 year window on living here and now I'm thinking I have about 4 1/2 years left in me. The moral of the story - don't make plans in life. Even though I clearly never planned on being in this area I'm coming up on 10 years living in Central NY, which is 6 more years then I ever expected.

But it would really be nice to run outside all year round, which was the springboard for that tangent. Last August I completed a 10 mile run and felt pretty good about it. Finishing 10 miles on the treadmill is going to require not only the physical conditioning but some serious mental conditioning.

I feel good, though, so far. Just need to get a little better in regards to exercising. I've taken care of the diet in good shape. I've not had any fastfood outside of some stuff from Wegmans in the past month. Lunch has been tough, but hopefully I've convinced my co-workers that they need to be bringing in their lunch. I usually bring it but when they say they are going out - I usually can't help myself to join in. Working on improving that, too.

So, 39.8 pounds to go in the next 5 months. Got this.

dreams

2010-10-09T17:59:00.002-04:00

I've touched on this subject briefly over the past 18 months or so that I've been writing this blog, but how important are your dreams to you? Do you know what they are? If you had an unlimited amount of money, what would be the first thing you did? Are you making progress towards the things you want in life?

Dreams can come in all shapes and sizes. Owning your own home. Starting a family. Getting that new job or new promotion. You name it, and there's someone out there who is desperately hoping for it right now.

My dreams range from simple and easily achievable to most likely never going to happen. I'm trying to lose weight, that's easily achievable and simple. In fact, I've already done it. That's a simple matter of focus.

I'd like to write a novel. That's iffy. I can write - especially in fiction format. Anything I've ever written and shown to my friends has been very highly received. I have ideas. It's a big commitment, though, and for one reason or another I've never really been able to fully commit. I'm not sure if it's because deep down I don't believe in myself as strongly as I need to, or what. This is an iffy proposition.

If I had an unlimited amount of money - I'd quit my job and travel the world for no less than a year. I'd see anything and everything I could. Now here is where things get a little wild. I don't exhibit this in normal life. I don't do a lot of traveling as is. I have anchors. My dog. My job. My house. But this is my #1 life goal. This is what I want for myself. The six months I lived abroad were the happiest six months of my life. Reality is, it's probably not going to happen. I have fallback scenarios and ways in which I could talk myself into getting rid of everything and doing it (and no I would never get rid of Jack - this is something I'm considering doing around 35 - when Jack will mostly likely be going to a farm upstate. Can I say that if I live upstate? I don't know). I always kind of kept this a secret but I've mentioned it to a few people so I might as well just say it. If I'm not married and dog-less by the time I'm 35, I'm probably gonna quit my job, sell nearly everything I own and take off for a year. That's a lot of ifs, though, right?

It's funny. The things I've "achieved" haven't really been things I was working towards. The story of how I bought my house is kind of a joke. No one would rent to me because of Jack's mildly scary appearance. I just called a real estate agent on a whim one day, they took me to visit 10 houses and the same day I was approved for a mortgage of up to $150,000. Just like that. I made an offer on a house and closed in 6 weeks. Zero dollars down! A few months later, it was nearly impossible to get a mortgage. Lucky, in a sense. But I never dreamed of having my own house one day - I just sort of fell into it.

The point I'm making is that even though I've done things that people would consider big wins, I feel like I've done and have been doing a poor job in working towards the things I want most out of life. It's easy to fall into a routine and do what you're supposed to do. But I'm going to make a more conscious effort to be the person I want to be; to do the things that I want to do. And I hope everyone who reads this will stop and consider it and wind up doing the same.

oh hello wife

2010-10-07T21:04:00.001-04:00

i love community and this is one of the main reasons. :)

my hero

2010-10-05T22:43:00.000-04:00

I can only truly hope that this kid never stops being the pimp that he is.

life is good?

2010-10-04T20:28:00.003-04:00

I feel like I should write more. But I don't have anything to say.

the social network: a review

2010-10-02T17:47:00.003-04:00

Part of the reason that The Social Network resonates so strongly with me, besides the fact that it's an excellent movie, is that it brings back a lot of memories for me. As someone who is 28, I remember my own personal context for a lot of things that are referenced or that happen in the movie.

I remember creating my "thefacebook" account in 2004. What I did not know is how quickly this was after the creation of the website. According to the timeline presented in the movie, the site went live February 2004. I graduated in May 2004 and I had a profile before I graduated. I remember sitting in the living room and my friend's girlfriend saying, "hey there is this new website..." At first I thought it was kind stupid, but then you find yourself checking it constantly. I wish I had it all through college. It would have been invaluable when I was living in Australia in 2002 and essentially cut off from the rest of the world. In effect, I wish Mark Zuckerberg had come along a few years earlier.

I would give anything to see my original profile. Outside of "in a relationship with Amy Rauf" I don't think I can think of a single thing it may or may not have said. Them pulling up the old blue website in the film brought back a lot of memories.

I had been familiar with the story that is mostly presented in this movie. Granted, it's not 100% accurate. But I had been reading valleywag.com, mostly interested in the facebook gossip. The site since got integrated into gawker.com, which is one of my favorite websites on the internet. So I was already familiar with the Winklevoss twins and the whole ConnectU scandal. The other part, with the other co-founder and all the Sean Parker stuff... didn't know about that. It was interesting.

As for Napster... that's another trip down memory lane. Freshman year in 2000. First experience with broadband internet, first experience with napster. "So you're telling me I can get whole songs within seconds FOR FREE?" My head was blown at the time.

As for the movie itself, the Oscar buzz is real, I think. It's just very well done. Written by Aaron Sorkin (The West Wing) and directed by David Fincher (Se7ven, Fight Club)... what did you expect? The real surprise of the movie is Jesse Eisenberg. Jesus christ, is he good in this. Just a riveting, believable, amazing performance. If you had asked me previously if I thought he had it in him, I would never have said yes. I, like most, kind of saw him as a second rate Michael Cera. Never again.

Some of the things he said and does in the film are so delightfully dickish in that oblivious engineer kind of way. But the entire opening scene with the girl who becomes the impetus for Facebook, so to speak is marvelous. He keeps telling her that she "doesn't need to study" and when she finally questions why he keeps saying that he dickishly sneers "because you go to BU." Loved that.

But the best part, the very, very best part was when he was being grilled by the opposing attorney, who asks Mark if he is paying attention to him. Mark says no. The lawyer then asks if he thinks he is worth paying attention to. Mark says something to the effect of "you have the smallest portion of my attention. The rest of my attention is with my team back at Facebook, who are currently doing things that no one in this room is intellectually or creatively capable of. That's what has my attention. Now does that answer your condescending question?"

Just brilliant. The way it was written and the way it was delivered.

And that's the whole movie. Executed from start to finish like a well oiled machine. It's two hours but it doesn't feel like it. The origin story of something that I use every day to connect with people and something that has changed the way I live my life is a movie I'd go to see all day, any day. But the fact that the movie is so god damn good made it all the better.

Highest of high recommendation.

funnnn winter

2010-09-30T18:15:00.003-04:00

It just turned to Fall, and it would appear that I'm lucky at mostly a boring Fall/Winter. Things are very busy at work, which helps make the weeks zoom by, but socially things are going to be in a bit of a lull.

After some consideration last month, especially in relation to my little contest/bet/experiment, I decided on a strict "no girls allowed" policy from now until March 21st. Kinda hilarious to think that I have to tell myself that, because it's not like there is a line around the block that has been patiently waiting since July for me to stick my head out the door and say... "Oh yes, I am ready for you all now. Single file, girls." But, you know, that's how it's gonna be.

So, what am I gonna be doing? Have a few visitors planned. Going to be doing a lot of running. Football on Sundays, of course. There's also video games (this helps with the no girls policy, also)... including a new Fallout game. Love Fallout. It's a shooter/RPG set in a post apocalyptic society and if you're a girl reading this right now please stop touching yourself from my suggestive rugged sexuality. Just cut it out. This is a family blog.

Books. Lots of books. Gonna get all up in these Jonathan Franzen books that have been praised to high heaven. A friend of mine from graduate school compared "Freedom" to "East of Eden", which some of you might know is my favorite book. So that perked up my ears. It's currently sitting on my nightstand just waiting for me. But I have to finish the book I'm currently reading before I do that. It's the last of a trilogy, that's further part of a series of trilogies. It's a fantasy book with magical swords, magic, elves, shit like that. You know... that's how I roll. And again, girls... hands where I can see them.

We have a big Halloween party planned. I'll actually be in PA that weekend, as I'm on my way to NJ for a conference on Nov 1-2, so it works out. Trying to figure out what I want to be. I was thinking Dexter, as I found his "kill shirt/kill gloves" on Amazon, but man... I don't know. Dexter wears a skin tight shirt and he's kinda jacked, which I'm not really pulling off at this point. Gotta be authentic, right? If I'm looking for realism, I can always be Grimace, or the Syracuse Orange mascot (is it Otto? I don't fucking know...), maybe a perfect circle, a planet. You get the gist. I gotta think about it still. Might still do Dexter, if I can find an American Apparel long sleeve henley (Dex's preferred murder garb) that fits me right. Which probably isn't the case. Got some time to think about it.

Does it sound like I'm upset about this? Cause I'm actually not at all. I feel like time is absolutely flying. I almost feel like I have no time these days, even though I'm not running around like a madman. I work a lot more than I did the past two years ever since I started my new job a few months ago. A lot of days I don't get home til' 6. Dinner and exercise later and it's 8:30 and then what? I'm almost ready for bed. That leads to me trying to squeeze everything into Saturday (because Sunday is spoken for) and it's just zipping past.

I also realize that I'm gonna save some money and wind up a better person by March 21st so it's all good.

I read this little motivational blurb which was actually quite simple. The gist of it was, do you want to do something? Imagine you started working towards it 4 months ago. The last 4 months seem like they went by really fast right?Picture how far along you would be if you just started 4 months ago. The time would have gone by just as quickly. And I'm trying to live by that.

also a cheer up pic

2010-09-27T20:30:00.003-04:00

the downside of dieting

2010-09-27T20:22:00.003-04:00

Here's the type of cheer up picture I was looking for last night.

depressed

2010-09-26T23:13:00.003-04:00

I usually end up mildly depressed on Sunday night. I never really felt that way in my life and didn't understand the whole "boo Monday" people. That was all before I started working for the sterling gem of a person that I work for now. I dread it so much.

On top of that, Dexter was like an hour long stomach punch.

Boo.

I just googled "Cheer Up Picture" for something to put here and the first hit in the google image search was FUCKING AWFUL. It was a dead girl post car accident in a prom dress covered in blood while her horrified date looked on. Damn you, internet. :(

No picture now.

the denial of grandchildren

2010-09-22T15:46:00.003-04:00

Hey, I won a public speaking contest today for Toastmasters International. It was a humorous speech contest that had to be between 5-7 minutes. Here is a fairly accurate replication of my speech - I ad-libbed a bit. I think a funny speech worked best for me. I've only given a few speeches and I've already won a contest. Most of the speech is 100% true but some parts have been slightly embellished to add a small dose of humor.

"Thank you Mrs. Contest Chair, fellow toastmasters, honored guests. I want everyone here today to know that it’s a currently a VERY happy time in my life. I’m 28 years old and for the last two months I’ve been a single man. Granted, it’s only been two months so the excitement may wear off, but for now I am very happy. It’s been many years since I’ve been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year. For the past few years, what I’ve lacked in quality, I’ve done my best to make up for in quantity. Two years ago I spent the entire opening day of the NFL season picking berries, to my great delight. Last year I spent it at an outlet mall saying, “Oh, yes, that blouse looks so lovely.” But this year I spent the entire day in front of the TV watching football. This makes me very happy.

Not everyone is happy that I’m currently single. My mother has been begging me to have children since I graduated from college. Whether I have a girlfriend at the time or not means nothing in relation to her request. “Michael, when are you going to have children?” she asks at least once per month. Unfortunately for my mother, I don’t think it’s going to be any time in the near future. A lot of you in the room are parents. I want you to think about how you would react if your son or daughter called and told you that they were expecting a child. Depending on the situation, some of you might be thrilled. Some of you might be horrified. I think that given the circumstances of my life, thrilled should not describe the way my mother would feel if I called and gave her the news. But… I’ve long suspected that if by some accident I winded up as an expectant father with someone I barely knew that my mother’s reaction would be quite different from that of most parents. Very recently I asked her if that was the case. I said, “Mom, if I winded up getting some stranger pregnant, you’d be thrilled, wouldn’t you?” And she sheepishly replied, “I would.”… just as I suspected. One of my mother’s favorite things to tell me is that I need to hurry up and have children so I’m not changing her diapers at the same time I’m changing my children’s diapers. My mom recently turned 59, so I think she’s being a little dramatic.

Once upon a time, I thought I was going to get married. My college sweetheart and I were together for 3 years, and she’s probably the reason I’m standing here talking to you today. I graduated a year ahead of her, and went down south to pursue my graduate degree. The year apart was hard. So I decided to leave school at the University of North Carolina to come back north in order for us to be together. Less than six months later I was sleeping on an air mattress in the basement while she went out on a date with her new boyfriend. It’s because of this that I’ve long suspected that the movie “Good Will Hunting” ends with Matt Damon traveling across the country to “see about a girl.” There’s probably a reason that they don’t show what happens when he gets there! Considering how he treated her for the majority of the movie, it was probably a bloodbath. Before long he’d be back in Boston working construction with Ben Affleck and everyone is miserable again. Just like the old days.

One thing I’d like to make clear while I have the opportunity. Whether I’m single or I’m not… I NEVER sleep alone. [hold up picture of Jack] Sure! He’s pretty lazy. He’s hairy, and a lot of times he smells bad, but I’m sure that a lot of women could probably say the same thing about their husbands.

The truth is… I’m 28 years old and I’m focused on my career. If something great comes along, fine. But I’m not going to be out searching for something that I don’t feel like I desperately need in my life. There will come a time in my life when everything falls into place and I wind up in a wonderful situation. Knowing this is why I’m very happy right now… unless any of you happen to talk to my mother in the near future. In that case, I’m out looking for my future wife at this very moment and I won’t rest until I find that special someone. Mrs. Contest Chair."

The next round is October 14th where I have to give the same speech. We'll see how that goes.

motivation is everywhere

2010-09-20T20:44:00.004-04:00

My competition started today. I put the treadmill together on Saturday. It's fancy... more features than I expected for the $700 price tag. It has a nice fan that blows on my face, mp3 playout, programs, and a nice incline. I am happy. I ran today, nice and slow. Jack was amused. Dipping, darting, and diving around like I was getting ready to play with him. After 15 minutes or so he realized that I was only running in one direction and not back to chase him.

I don't really want to talk about that right now.

This video has been making its way around the net:

I find it very touching. Maybe it's the song, maybe it's the editing, but I almost cried watching this. Looks like a whole new person by the end, right? It's out there for the taking. And you don't have to starve or kill yourself to do it. Just work. Put in the work and good things will happen. I truly believe this.

In terms of realistic goals, this guy was bigger than I'll ever be. His current skinny weight is not much less than what I weight now. For all the times I call myself a whale, walrus, blimp, manatee, or whatever... I am being over dramatic. If this guy can do it - I can do it. I've been a wonderful excuse maker for nearly a year now. It's so easy to let it all slip away.

Please take a moment and check out this individual's blog at bendoeslife.tumblr.com. The blog is good (not as good as the video - but good) and I support the guy 100%.

I will talk later about some of my goals, what milestones I will reward myself at and what those rewards will be. The $500 bet has one clear purpose. It's a safety net. There are those moments when I'm driving home from work and I think that I don't feel like cooking and "x-restaurant" is right there. In the past I pull in - now I keep driving.

I'm going to try to limit posts about this to once a week or so, but I saw this video and I felt like it just had to be posted.

Seize the day. It sounds corny, but sometimes corny is ok.

here it goes again

2010-09-16T19:28:00.004-04:00

Not the Ok Go song. But there are treadmills involved.

Monday I begin a 6 month, $500 challenge/bet/gentleman's agreement between a close friend of mine and myself. The rules are quite simple. Lose 50 pounds in 6 months or pay. If both noted gentlemen make the agreed terms by the first day of Spring, then nothing happens. If one does and the other doesn't, then the "loser" pays the "winner" $500. If neither make it (heaven forbid!), then $2000 gets donated to charity ($500 from each and Bristol matches all my charitable contributions 100%). The chosen charity is the ASPCA, as chosen by yours truly.

Now, how did this come about? Talking, as I do every day to my friend, complaining about how unhappy we are that we are out of shape. And he happened to mention how competitive we both are and something like this would help us both out. It was just a throwaway comment. And while I was sitting there with the wheels turning, he said..."wait, that's not a bad idea." I instantly threw out a $100 challenge. We both quickly agreed that we both make good money, $100 might not really be enough. If we didn't really feel like, well, fuck it... I'll just pay the $100. $500, though, that would hurt. And so it was set.

I have absolutely no doubt that I can do this. Unfortunately, I've done it before. Which is sad, if you think about it, because no one should have to lose 50 pounds more than once. It's not like I'm a blimp or walrus or anything (despite what I may think) but this will be good for me.

In fact, my plans are bigger. I have a strict, structured detailed plan that goes through and beyond the allotted time. I doubt I'll surpass the 50 pounds in six months by much. If I finish a month in advance, I'll be very lucky. I'm thinking I'll squeak by with a 2 week margin for error, which is actually a fair bit when you're counting on approximately a 2 lb/wk weight loss. But going forward, I have some ideas about some things I want to do that will get me to an even better place. All of the things I want to do cost money, which is why they haven't been done up to this point.

My boss goes to a crossfit personal trainer, at an exorbitant insane price of $300 for ten 30 minute sessions, but it's something I may decide to do for one ten pack, maybe two if I love it. Can't do it on my own - won't be able to do as well. But the price! So high! We'll see. Also, a guy I know through an ex-gf of mine runs an MMA gym and I may look at that in the future. That's also expensive, I think around $100/month, so these are not things to consider lightly.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

My plan is quite simple actually. Be healthy, don't be a slob, and remember to exercise at least 5 times a week. Nothing crazy, because that shit isn't necessary. People make simple things more complicated than they need to be. It's much easier to make excuses and try crazy things then to be disciplined and do the boring, unsexy things that need to be done to get the job done.

So, you know, updates of some nature to come. Not that often because I realize it's boring. But then again, not like I've been lighting up the switchboard with posts lately. But here we go now.

me in 20

2010-09-13T20:37:00.002-04:00

I was 27 when the picture was taken... so I'd take it for 47.

baby i got a plan...

2010-09-12T23:49:00.001-04:00

... run away as fast as you can.

Good Fridays

2010-09-11T10:23:00.003-04:00

Kinda been obsessed with Kanye West lately. Not only does he operate the most hilarious twitter feed on the planet, but to be honest, if I had cash and was in shape then I'd be rocking a similar style. I respect the shit out of his new "bring back the suit" movement and holding private shows with strict dress codes. Be respectable, people. I aim to be a better dresser myself, so I gotta work on this.

Now, about 6 weeks ago he announced Good Friday on his twitter feed. What that means is that he drops a new track every Friday. This is where he's really got me, because this music is straight fire. It started with:

Bouncy, breezy... perfect for summer. Kind of a theme with some of these songs. Some very clever lines here, which I'm always a sucker for. Plus, Beyonce and all. "Uncle Charlie on the track, and Imma let you finish but I got Beyonce on the track."

First Taylor Swift joke only took two tracks.

Then:

Loved the original power, so add Jay-Z and a killer breakdown featuring the "I've Got the Power" song from the late 80s/early 90s where Kanye just KILLS IT.

Also: "in search of the truth even if it goes through Taylor Swift, tell her this..."

This is the only one I haven't been feeling, but people are creamin' over the Nicki Minaj verse at the end. I don't really like her, so meh.

This is my favorite, by far. Devil in a New Dress... just has got that vibe. Too sick. Reminds me of "Ms. Fatbooty" by Mos Def, not in the sense that it sounds similar but it just gives me that feeling. I think it's the sample in both. Also, this song has some killer lines.

And this last night. I think you had me at the motherfuckin' Biz Markie sample, but after that... this is perfect for the end of summer. Light, breezy... lovin' that piano. "Good Fridays... I hope you have a nice weekend" is a great way to close the track.

Getting shit like this once a week makes me spoiled... hope it lasts. FYI, most of those videos might be dead by the time you read this. Copyright claims flying left and right.

Prefer this to 808s and Heartbreak 100 times out of 100.

"this never happens to us"

2010-08-31T20:43:00.003-04:00

"This never happens to us" - quote from one of my friends to describe the absolutely insane night that was had Saturday.

We all gathered for our annual fantasy football draft, something I look forward to every year. Even though I've gone off the deep end and am playing over $1000 worth of fantasy football this year, this is still one of my favorite days of the year. This year, my buddy upped the ante and paid a few bucks for some girls to come and work the draft. To be honest, it was pretty awkward and I wasn't a big fan of it until I was about 6 beers in. And even then, it was just kinda meh. One of the girls was dressed in an Eli Manning jersey and was probably the prettiest girl I've ever seen in my life, but her and her buddy peaced out early. So we finished the draft. And the 84 beers between 8 of us actually drinking them.

So we drive to my buddy's uncles and my silver tongued friend Bob actually talked one of the girls into coming to the party. A few other girls showed up but they ended up leaving. What I figured would be an uneventful night turned wild. That's about as elaborate as I'm willing to get... but going over the details and other assorted details the next day and the laughter involved is something I'll never forget. Well, that goes for the rest of the night.

It's never to be topped. I'd like to go in to more detail, but I definitely can't.

As for my team - not the best but it has sleeper potential. But that's all secondary.

I'll still be looking forward to it next year and every subsequent year, but this will never be topped.

run and tell that

2010-08-27T07:34:00.002-04:00

slow down superstar

2010-08-26T13:57:00.002-04:00

Damn, it's been slow at work this week. That's never fun. My boss is already gone for the day, off to the NY State fair to enjoy unlimited rides with her kids. She'll be out half day tomorrow. I'm just trying to get out of here for the day, coast to the weekend, enjoy my draft, enjoy my 3-day weekend, and get back to work.

I struggle back and forth between wanting to do something exciting, something great, something that I'll never forget and just enjoying the day, slowly but surely improving life.

Days like today I crave something exciting. A lot of times I look at all I have and think, well this is great, but if given the choice of anything I wanted is this what I would have picked?

Things would be easier if I weren't so difficult to please, that's for sure.

2 weeks until paydirt

2010-08-24T20:55:00.003-04:00

Football season is here. And I'm a happy camper. I have 5 fantasy teams this year... for a lot of money. Not even gonna say how much so no one thinks I'm crazy but it's almost a whole paycheck worth of teams. And I get paid every two weeks. And I make good money. So, you know... go fantasy football.

Saturday is my "live" draft with my friends. We had some turnover and some guys can't make it, but it's a highlight of the end of summer every year, that's for sure. This year it will be kicked up a notch, as my friend is getting some entertainment to serve food and post the draft picks. His direct quote was "I promise they're not strippers." But who can really be sure?

I can envision some scenarios in which it's a total disaster but let's look on the bright side.

I have FiOS for all of football season this year, which will keep me glued to the TV all day every Sunday. Last two years I started relationships in August so I wasn't always able to watch as much football... and to be honest I didn't even really need to. Beginning of relationships are pretty much the best thing, until you either realize a) eh this isn't the best i'm either gonna get out or coast or b) you're together so long that excitement is few and far between. I've been through both. But nothing tops the beginning.

I'll get back to football in a second but I've inadvertently gotten off on a tangent here. I've only been in love once and we broke up in 2006, so I haven't really been completely knocked off my feet in awhile. Well, that's not totally true...there was one girl back in 2008 that looked like she had potential but that ended up spiraling out of control very quickly. I'm really hoping that one of these times I'll get it right but I'll keep on working on it until I do.

Because right now I just need to chill out. Not just football either. I have been getting my butt back in shape but let's not pretend this isn't gonna take awhile. So let's set that timetable off a few months.

I don't really have any more points to make about football and I've gotten way off topic so let me just close by saying that this Saturday is going to be awesome (whether they are strippers or not) and it's almost go time. So my slight depression of late will at least be lifting somewhat.

i pity the fooooooool

2010-08-24T20:50:00.003-04:00

I posted this last Friday on my Facebook profile, but damn if this isn't the best song I've heard in a long, long time.

It's the vocal inflections that get me every time... like the title of the post. Or the "crazy for you baby" line in Aerosmith's "Crazy". Gets me EVERY time.

credit card is adorbs

2010-08-20T12:47:00.002-04:00

This is the image that adorns my new credit card, my first Airlines Miles card and also the only one I have that is only available to people with Excellent credit. Woo hoo. Anyway, went to Koto, the fancy new Hibachi place in town for lunch today (it is awesome) and paid with this bad boy. We had spent parts of lunch talking about how smoking hot the waitress was...

She comes back gushing about how adorable the card is and asking if it was my dog. I told her that it was.

An awesome story would have me segwaying into picking her up after that, but this certainly isn't an awesome story.

Big Red Pride

2010-08-19T20:00:00.003-04:00

I should have written about this back in March when it happened, but I wasn't really writing at the time and I never ended up doing it. If you can recall, the Cornell Big Red, my alma mater, shocked most of the basketball world by winning their two opening round games to advance to the Sweet Sixteen. This is the first time the team made it that far, in fact, Cornell had never won a game in the NCAA tournament prior to this year.

As luck would have it, the Red were seeded in the Eastern Regional. The Sweet 16 and Elite 8 games in the Eastern regional were slated to take place in Syracuse, NY.

I did not expect to be able to attend the game. I knew that tickets for the regional went on sale a year earlier and although I had considered buying a pair, I ended up deciding not to spend the money. Early rumors were that the game was a sellout. I figured that with a local team playing on top of the sellout, it would be next to impossible to find a ticket for a price I was willing to spend.

I wound up getting a notice from the Cornell alumni club of Central New York that there was an alumni pep-rally for the team the day before on the Syracuse campus downtown. I dragged Marissa to go with me. It ended up being something of an interesting affair. It was mostly filled with the type of people I try to avoid, but everyone was friendly enough. The team was late, so we had a chance to enjoy the buffet and cash bar. For a free buffet, it was a pretty good selection. Then the team showed up.

They clearly weren't used to people paying attention to them. Most of the home games at Newman arena were sellouts, true. But the "arena", which is more like a gym, only holds a few thousand people. The only times I stepped on the court when I was at Cornell were for kickboxing class and to pick up my diploma in my College of Human Ecology specific ceremony.

Coach Donahue gave a nice talk, thanked everyone for coming and then it was over. Just like that.

I didn't realize it ahead of time but I was pretty happy to be there. I was proud of my school for making it that far in the tournament and for having the country cheer for them to beat the vaunted #1 seed Kentucky Wildcats. Kentucky ended up having the #1 overall draft pick in the 2010 NBA draft, John Wall... as well as a few other picks in the first round. Cornell was really playing a heavy favorite.

I went home that evening and noticed that single game tickets were available on Ticketmaster for $80. The price covered both games (West Virginia/Washington) as well. If Cornell somehow managed to beat Kentucky, an additional $80 would be necessary for the Regional Final. I jumped all over the ticket and off I was.

I ended up leaving work early that day and heading over to the Carrier Dome, by way of a park and ride that took an inordinate amount of time. What I noticed when I got to the SkyTop lot was that Kentucky travels very well. There were a LOT of fans decked out in UK blue all over the lot and on my bus to the arena. I ended up sitting with a very nice older gentleman who attended many of the Big Red games this year with his wife. He seemed very happy to be there. So was I.

I got to my seats very early and watched the first game, which was a bit of a snoozer. Kentucky/Cornell didn't tip until 10:00PM eastern time, so I knew that I was in for a long night. West Virginia handily beat Washington in front of a half full arena. And I had thought that I wasn't going to be able to get tickets.

But by the end of the 2nd half of that game, the place started filling up. And there was a lot of Red.

As luck would have it, I ended up behind the Cornell band in sort of a defacto Cornell Student section. Which thrilled me greatly. However, apart from the UK section, it was a very partisan crowd for Cornell. As for the UK fans, they were small in number but quiet. And they had Ashley Judd, who was in the building for the game. I only saw her from a distance, but she looked as pretty in person as she does on TV. Which is to say quite a bit. So good for UK for having that, but screw them... I was there for my school.

Cornell jumped out to an early lead. I lost my mind. So did many others. I lost my voice and didn't get it back until the next day. I was convinced that I was witnessing a colossal upset. It was a feeling something like euphoria. Then Kentucky remembered they were the #1 overall seed going into the tournament and started schooling Cornell bad. I'd say it got hard to watch, but that would be a lie. Cornell never went away. They never got so far behind that a comeback seemed out of range.

And then in the second half, they stormed back. Getting within two possessions on a Louis Dale stepback three, myself and a few thousand others lost our minds for a minute. It was one of the best sporting moments I'd ever witnessed in the flesh. In fact, it was clearly the best. Kentucky then kicked into another gear, with soon-to-be-#1 John Wall practically jumping out of the gym for some monster dunks. And it was over.

Cornell had come so very close, but were defeated by the clearly superior team. I was disappointed, sure, but I made the long slow walk back to the bus with a giant smile on my face. Cornell athletics just had its most relevant, most important in my lifetime. Most likely will remain so when my children are old enough to go to college.

I have a secret hope that my children will attend Cornell and follow in my footsteps. I didn't appreciate it while I was there but once away from Ithaca I realize how much I loved it, how much it improved me as a person, and how proud I am to be a member of the Big Red Family. And now, forever, I will have a story for my kids that starts out with "You know, you might not believe this, but once upon a time Cornell played in the Sweet 16 and I was there..."

I can see them rolling their eyes already.

someone kept off all the weight (not me)

2010-08-15T18:35:00.004-04:00

Meaty J:

Skinny J:

Good boy.

Deck

2010-08-15T18:28:00.002-04:00

My deck was in rough, rough shape. I wasn't sure if it was salvageable. My neighbor told me that it wasn't been stained or taken care of in way shape or form since it was put up. She said it was somewhere around 12 or 13 years ago that they put it up, which I believed. It didn't look very good.

So, after the door was installed, I figured that it needed some work. I started staining it around noon on a Saturday in June. And I didn't finish until just after 9:30. Luckily it was one of the longer days of the year so I had plenty of daylight. Although it was already dark by the time I finished. It was a hard, hard day of work. But I think it was worth it. Here's what it looks like now.

Big improvement, right? The big addition, besides the stain... was the deck swing. I always wanted one, and I got one. In fact, sometimes I even use it. Grill was there for over a year, but that was a good addition last summer. Also the flower pot, which I enjoy having there.

So that about covers most of the work I did on the house this year. I also added some stuff in the bedroom, changed out all the blinds/curtains but that's not worthy of a post. I also repainted my entire bathroom but I didn't even take pictures of that... it's a bathroom. Nothing to see really. New house... same as the old house. Just a little nicer.

Dining Room

2010-08-15T18:09:00.003-04:00

What can I really say about the dining room? I just never did anything with it for two years. The only function it served was to hold my Christmas tree for a few weeks in December. That obviously had to change. I think it came out looking pretty good, pretty classy. Obviously the main change here was the addition of a patio door to connect the dining room to the deck, which has changed my life for the better. No more standing outside with Jack while he does his business.

He's already trained to come to the door when he's finished!

Before:

After:

It's kinda of pointless to say what's different, since all of it is. Key things to note (besides the door) is the light fixture, which was a lot harder to hang then it might look. It was heavy and it required being held up in place in order to hang properly. Talk about a pain in the ass.

The final image of Lost (well not quite final but pretty much) is hanging up in the dining room, but it's obscured in this image by the light fixture. So... spoiler free image. Actually room... not so much. Also have a cool lithograph that I quite like and some images I took myself from Australia/Italy hanging up.

Biggest change by far... and one that certainly came out very well.

Baby Steps... Living Room

2010-08-15T17:43:00.004-04:00

So... I was feeling pretty crappy this morning. I was briefly cheered up by the back and forth Twitter conversation between Kanye West and Justin Bieber. The biggest reaction I got out of the whole thing was when Kanye suggested they do a track together... but also with Raekwon. I can only imagine.

But still... pretty crappy.

So I decided to get off my butt and go to the gym. I've been bad with it. I ran 3 times this week but no gym. But that solved everything. It was the toughest workout that I've had in about a year, which isn't really saying much. But I feel so much better now.

In an effort to put up some stuff on here that I haven't mentioned before... here are some before/after pictures of my house.

Living Room:

Before:

After:

Well, the brown had to go. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I grew to dislike it after only a month or two. It didn't even make it two years before I thought that I absolutely had to get rid of it. This was the first thing I did when I found out I was staying in Syracuse. So this was finished sometime around March. Went with an accent wall going up the staircase, which most people seem to like. I always had the tan/bold red color scheme in mind, in some form or fashion. I finally went through with it. The staircase is quite bold. Add in the couch pillows and curtains to match the wall and it turned out quite well (I already had the paintings).

I also moved the TV to a more viewer friendly center of the room. Got a nicer plant. Rearranged the DVD rack.

I'm very happy with this. It will stay as long as I live here.

Summer Movie Mega-Review: Part 2

2010-08-13T22:37:00.006-04:00

Part One is right here.

We pick up with...

Despicable Me

Steve Carrell should give up half his paycheck for the horrible accent he was dishing out for this movie. And the character of Victor/Vector was annoying as shit. It took me a bit to figure out that was the point. The trailer certainly made it seem like he was supposed to be awesome. But once I realized he was supposed to be a Grade-A D-Bag then I relaxed a bit.

Plot twist, I loved this movie. The Minions were great. GREAT. My favorite was when they took the girls shopping and the one Minion had a mustache on like he was a real person. Oh, the nerve of that Minion posing as a man. What an unnatural situation! Huzzah! My sarcasm aside, this movie was good. It was heartwarming, it was very funny, and they did a nice job tying everything together at the end with the girls and Gru. For a 3D animated summer film, I can't really ask for anything more.

At least I didn't half to contemplate the futility of my existence and wonder what happened to all my favorite childhood toys...

8.5/10.

Inception

Ok, this is the big dog. The main movie of the summer. The one everyone has been talking about.

As a quick aside... internet, what the fuck is wrong with you? Silly question, I know, but can some of you people possibly have MORE time on your hands. Some of the theories I've read about this movie are so convoluted, so preposterous; they make those people who wanted to kill themselves so they can wake up in Pandora as a giant blue hairfucker almost look sane.

I've read everything from the entire mission was an Inception for Leonardo to be able to see his kids again, that the entire movie is a dream, etc. The craziest one I read was that the idea of an inception and the entire movie represented Christopher Nolan's desire to make an arthouse feature when he was trapped into the mold of making big budget blockbusters. I mean, are you kidding me people? I know that Lost is off the air and that we're all very very sad that Dr. Jack Shephard [censored censored censored] in that one crazy scene when he [censored censored] Ben Linus. I mean that was crazy, right? But it's over now and everyone needs something to think about. And who fucking needs books, right? To the internets with my conspiracy theory I go!

Movie was great. I typically want to punch Joseph Gordon Levitt in the face from the moment he appears on screen to the moment he leaves it, but I liked him quite a bit in this. He has taken back most of the goodwill he lost when he hosted SNL last year and spent the entire 90 minutes reenacting his gay showtune fantasy over and over and over again. Anybody out there going to be surprised when it's revealed that he's been fucking Neil Patrick Harris in a repeated behavior pattern over the last several years? No? I didn't think so. But he was good.

So was the film. There were a few things. Ellen Page was the best you could do? Seriously? No, really? When she's on film with Michael Cera spouting out Diablo Cody penned tripe then it's one thing. Everyone is too busy saying stuff like..."Oh look George Michael is all grown up now... sort of," and "did that bitch seriously just insert the phrase honest to blog into her script"? But you know, here she is with Leonardo DiCaprio. It's like you spent hours... perhaps years perfecting your basketball craft in the backyard against your cousin Phil who possibly has some type of autism (who can really be sure about this shit?) and you're quite proud of yourself for being a big man and beating him all the time. And then your dad is like... son I think you're quite good, I've arranged for LeBron James to come play you in some driveway hoops games. And then your world comes crashing down. That's sort of how a scene with Leo and Ellen Page played out. It's like a master actor and some girl who seems like she's reading her lines of a cue card far off in the distance. Or quite possibly wondering the quickest route she can take to the Birkenstock sale after she hops into her Subaru Forrester. That was distracting!

And also Cillian Murphy. It took me the entire damn movie of saying "who IS THAT GUY" before I realized he's the Scarecrow from Batman. Oops. Christopher Nolan is falling into that Hollywood pattern of running an incestuous streak throughout all his casts. Next thing you know you wind up with a bulldog who can only get pregnant with a turkey baster and pump out kids through a c-section because her vagina isn't quite positioned properly. I'm not bitter that I can't afford a bulldog or anything.

I mean, you've seen this movie, right? Do I even need to talk about it? There is an entire fight scene that takes place in zero G. Asskicking galore without gravity. ARE YOU NOT SOLD? It's long. 2 hours and 30 minutes. But unlike Avatar, you don't want to claw parts of your face out midway through the movie. It's all entertaining. And the climax of the movie is pretty much the entire last 90 minutes, so they don't really give you time to breathe. But that's awesome.

Without spoiling the ending... I'm an optimist and I always believe.

But, but BUT if he wasn't allowed in the United States due to his crimes, and that's the only reason he couldn't see them... then why didn't Michael Caine just fly the motherfucking kids to France, where he was clearly allowed to be? Boom... I just blew your fucking mind.

10/10.

Dinner for Schmucks

My opinion on this "film" is that someone owes me my money back. John Q. Moviegoer might say to themself..."Hey, I love Paul Rudd, I love Steve Carrell... man that guy from the Hangover is in this. It's gonna be awesome!" Well, friend, sit down. We need to talk. This was awful. Awful. The worst movies I've seen in the theater include:

- The Jason Biggs epic "Loser".

- Revolutionary Road.

- This piece of shit.

- Dinner for Schmucks.

Let's get the positives out of the way. The "Flight" alums Jemaine Clement and Kristen Schaal were pretty great. Jemain in particular stole the show as Kieran. Ok. Positives over.

Let me understand something. You hit this fucking loser with your car and in the course of one day and a half he fucks up your entire life. He ruins your relationship, brings a disturbed psycho ex back into your life that destroys your entire department and your entire car, gets you audited, ruins your major business deal. He does all this running around with dead mice in his pocket.

And at the end of the movie the conclusion that you come to is that he's not a loser and that you've been seeing life from the wrong perspective this entire time?

FUCK THAT.

Also, right, you hit this stranger with your car and he just never leaves? You allow him to follow you around constantly, despite the fact that everything he touches turns to shit. You let him sleep over. He's a stranger. You just met him hours prior. And not only that... you only met when you STRUCK. HIM. WITH. YOUR. VEHICLE.

I hate everything about this. The story was bad. Carrell was unredeemable. The "my wife left me because I'm a loser but really I'm so sweet" was forced and annoying. That guy WAS a loser who deserved be alone. What woman wants to snuggle up with a guy whose hands smell like dead mice and formaldehyde? You're trying to make a sympathetic figure out of this? Seriously?

But the movie got an ovation when it was over at the theater, so what the fuck do I know. High tolerance required.

0/10.

The Other Guys
Expectations are a hell of a thing. It applies to every aspect of life. Music, movies, opposite sex. You expect greatness and get good then it sucks. You expect garbage and get mediocrity, then you're Scrooge McDuck, baby... swimming in a pile of money.

Flashback a few years ago and Will Ferrell was a bulletproof tiger. Anchorman will remain one of the most brilliant movies of my lifetime until the day I die. Just pure epic perfection from start to finish. Ricky Bobby... very funny. Blades of Glory was ok... slipping but ok. Then you have Semi Pro, which some people seem to like but I only managed a few chuckles. Step Brothers, which in fact walked out of... something I NEVER do (to catch a The Dark Knight for a 2nd time - wise choise).

So I went into this last weekend not knowing what to expect. I certainly didn't expect what I got. Which was awesomeness. First of all, some of the running jokes throughout the movie were pure perfection. Michael Keaton in a Bed Bath and Beyond apron inadvertently dropping random TLC song titles into his conversations and repeatedly getting called out on it? Brilliant. "C'mon, guys, you know that I Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg. Seriously, that's the wording you're choosing to use?" All the smoking hot chicks constantly loving Ferrell's loser character? Loved that. The "yankee clipper"... brilliant.

The way they handled The Rock and Samuel L. Jackson, which I won't spoil, was unexpected and awesome beyond words.

There was a definite dark streak running through this movie. And I liked it.

This is typical Will Ferrell/Adam McKay goodness. I'd call it a definite return to form. Wahlberg isn't too bad, although "what's up donkey? say hi to your mother for me" was running through my head just about every time he talked.

Still in theaters and a definite recommendation.

8.5/10

Still to come this summer... only two movies "The Expendables" and "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World" (I will never quit you George Michael Bluth). Also "Machete" if we're running past Labor Day.

Everyone get out to the movies. It's good for you.

Summer Movie Mega-Review: Part 1

2010-08-13T21:51:00.007-04:00

My summer movie season got started a little late. I still haven't seen "Iron Man 2" or "Robin Hood", and the first movie I actually saw in the 2010 summer movie "season" was...

MacGruber:

I'm still a big SNL fan. I watch every week and I am consistently entertained. MacGruber is funny every once in awhile, but I wasn't sure that it would be able to carry its own movie. I mean, these are 30 second skits we are talking about here. Granted, most SNL movies are stretched from a 5 minute skit. So automatically, this movie is 6x the stretch a normal SNL movie would be.

Well, guess what? It was awesome. I laughed the entire time. The sex scene between MacGruber and Vickie St. Elmo (Kristen Wiig) needs to be seen to be believed. And seriously... Vickie St. Elmo? That's so very, very awesome. MacGruber rolls everywhere with his trusty car stereo and isn't afraid to offer up a blowjob for whatever he needs to get done. This isn't as fresh in my mind 3 months out from seeing it. I'm going to need to watch this one again, which would be a treat. I laughed throughout.

8/10.

Get Him to the Greek

Parts of this were very, very funny. Russell Brand is, of course, his normal self. His "out-of-touch" rocker was pretty hilarious. The entire African child video set at the beginning is a pretty nice parody of the clueless rockstar and there were a few moments when he was describing his thought process that were pretty funny. All of the songs, filthy as they were, were pretty entertaining with some clever lyrics. I love almost anything that is clever.

P. Diddy stole the show. This is a sentence I never thought I would type. But he did. He was pretty funny. You might not have realized it when you started this paragraph but I've been mind fucking you the entire time. The picture you see above is a direct result of his most glorious mindfuck on Brand/Hill.

This wasn't all good. The serious parts with Aldous Snow's dad didn't really work for me. Neither did the whole threesome scene with Jonah Hill and his girlfriend. Actually, let me rephrase that. The entire girlfriend thing didn't work. We were supposed to believe that Hill was such a bad person and he was so wrong and as an audience we were supposed to come to the realization that he needs her in his life to survive at the same time we did. But I certainly didn't. She wasn't very nice, likeable, or seemingly that interested in him. He probably would have been better off bailing on that bitch. So that definitely didn't work for me.

But mostly this one was pretty good.

6/10.

The A-Team

The casting worked. And that was probably the most critical aspect as to whether this was going to be a success or a colossal failure. I have to admit that although I grew up in the 80s, I never really watched the original A-Team, so I didn't really have much of a basis for comparison. The character of Murdoch was my favorite. Crazy and very funny.

One of the main things I was wondering about going in was how former UFC lightheavyweight champion Quentin "Rampage" Jackson would do filling in Mr. T's shoes as BA Baracus. He did a better than alright job; he was one of the best parts of the movie, in my opinion. Was a mostly believable actor, looked believable in the action scenes and delivered his comedy lines very well. A lot of his scenes elicited big reactions from the audience when I saw the movie.

But let's be realistic. It's a brainless summer action film. And it delivers. I mean, there is a scene where they have a tank battle in mid air. I mean, that's the kind of shit that you don't see every day. I called the ending with Major Dad betraying them about half way through the movie. I don't have to really worry about that being a major spoiler, because maybe about 3 people in the world will get the Major Dad reference.

6.5/10

Toy Story 3

Let's get one thing out of the way right off the bat. This movie was soul crushingly sad. I'm sorry but Pixar, cut the shit. The opening 10 minutes of Up! was heartwrenching enough, but that wasn't enough for you. You need to drag that feeling out over at least 35-40 minutes of this movie.

I can't make this clear enough: I actually thought the toys were going to die. And it made me very, very depressed. I was thinking, what the fuck is going on here? throughout pretty much the entire incinerator "hell" scene. And when they just accepted they were going to die and all held hands in a makeshift prayer circle? What the fuck was that? I mean, seriously! The theater was packed with children!

Also there was the half uplifting/half depressing stuff. Like the entire ending when Andy brought the toys to the new girl. I was fighting back tears the whole time... now, granted, I used to cry at movies all the time but I haven't in years (except Marley and Me. For that I was sobbing on my couch). This almost broke the streak. But it was sad in a very well done way. Very solid film.

The movie is awesome. Obviously. It's a Pixar movie. And they haven't failed yet. Some hilarious parts, like Spanish Buzz, Trixie the dinosaur... Mr Potato head as the tortilla. Some really great stuff in here.

As I posted on Facebook at the time, though, the premise is really flawed. These toys are sentient beings, as has been shown on multiple occasions. They can see and hear even when Andy is in the room. Andy is now going off to college, and they still somehow think he's an innocent child waiting to play with them? Don't any of the producers of this film remember being a male in high school? These toys got to see Andy doing a lot of extra special exercises in that room, I'm sure. Probably 3-4 times a day between the ages of 13-16. So, you know, good for them. I wonder what Buzz Lightyear thought of it, and if he wanted to have an expedition to determine the composition of that substance that Andy had no choice to constantly try to get rid of. I don't know.

So, yeah... Pixar. Toy Story.

10/10.

Knight and Day

Ok, so it's like this. You used to like your one friend. Let's call him John. You were quite fond of John. But somewhere along the way, John got a little too big for his britches... you came home one day and found John having sex with your wife. You don't like John. And you're like, what the hell, John... you used to be so awesome. What happened?

So imagine now that a few years pass and you kind of forget about John. But you're still aware that John most definitely pulled your wifes hair and did her really hard from behind. But then you remember that one time he did something hilarious and funny. So you kind of laugh a little bit and say... "Oh, John that loveable scamp. I'll never forgive you for being crazy and having sex with my wife, but we certainly had some good times."

Now imagine that a friend of yours talks you into spending an afternoon watching John have sex with your wife. And not only that, but John is going to pull out all of his special moves. All the ones that you remember fondly. The kind that are going to make you crack a smile and say..."Oh, that John!" Now, you probably don't want any part of this, and why should you? John has done you wrong and you don't trust him. He sexed your wife super super hard! But against your better judgment you go and check out a matinee of John boning your wife (3D showings were sold out).

You get there and you're like... Man, you know what, man, I don't know about this. But because you're my friend and you think I should see this, then I shall see this. And 15 minutes later you're watching the show and you're like... man, John hasn't changed a bit. He's having sex with my wife, which sucks, but he's exactly the same. And I forgot just how awesome that same is. I think I love John.

And he goes through all the John motions. And the next thing you know, he's making John faces and using the John voice. And you're loving every minute of it. 90 minutes later, you kinda almost forget that were even married to this woman and you just want John to be happy. John has that kind of charisma. John could be that guy. You love John. But on your way out of there... you remind yourself that was your wife and John did in face bend her over a coffee table and break some of your favorite china in the process of pleasuring her. You'll never truly forgive him for what he's done. But you still love him.

This is that movie.

9/10.

Continue to Part 2.

accurate depiction?

2010-08-06T08:32:00.003-04:00

For one reason or another I recently went back and read all the post I've made over the past year. It left me with one lingering impression. Is this an accurate depiction of who I really am as a person? That's what it's supposed to be, right?

I think as I wrote this I envisioned it filling in the holes and elaborating on things people see on Facebook or what have you, but that is probably not always the case. I wrote a few posts that generated a lot of traffic for me over the past year. (this and this) The second of those two generated probably half of the 3000+ hits this little blog has amassed since its inception approximately a year and a half ago. What if they stuck around? What if you weren't on Facebook, or didn't know what was going on in my life one way or another? Does this blog convey who I am?

I'm leaning towards no.

For one thing, I complain a lot more. I'd like to think, hope to God actually, that I'm not this bad in real life. I don't think I am.

Most importantly, it heavily focuses on a few key issues while mainly leaving out the rest. For instance, reading this blog would you ever know that I was in a relationship from August of last year to July of this year? I don't think it was ever really mentioned. There could be possible subconscious reasons for that, but overall I think it's a gross oversight. I've mentioned the remodeling I've done to my house a few times, but never actually provided pictures directly on here. Again, under the incorrect assumption that anyone could see them on Facebook.

It hits home in a few key areas, though. I do care about my weight and how I look very much. I'd have to for how much I write about it. I like fashion, traveling, dogs, music, and especially movies. They all get mentioned a lot. As they should. Because that's who I am.

But it's not everything.

Since I'm just starting up again I need to write some mini movie reviews. I go just about every week. Marissa and I went a lot this past year, me dragging her to some movies she didn't really want to see on occasion. Now that I'm single again I've reintroduced one of my favorite things. Sunday morning matinees all by myself. I don't know how to explain it, but I really enjoy going to movies and concerts by myself. I've seen just about every movie this summer so I'll get around to doing that at some point, maybe this weekend.

Mostly, as a person, I am paralyzed by choices. I've always felt like I'd be better served if I just really loved one thing at the expense of all the rest. Because nothing ever really gets my full attention. After some consideration I've realized that's just who I am, who I will be, and something I need to embrace. But for the variety of things that I get myself into during the course of the year, I'll try to do a better job conveying it.

But don't get too confused, there will still be plenty of diet/exercise posts. :)

loungin' and the lack thereof

2010-08-05T19:07:00.004-04:00

When I first bought my house one of the main things that I wanted to do was put in a patio door and get a swing for my deck. I quickly realized that cost money I didn't exactly have, so that would have to wait a bit. Fast forward two years and I was able to do this very thing approximately two months ago.

This is currently being typed out while laying on the swing while Jack runs around the yard attempting (and failing) to play with the neighbors dog through the fence. I should probably get out here more, but at the very least I get out on the deck a few times a day. Usually it's just a few minutes at a time, but I am working on spending more time here.

It's probably not as peaceful as I hoped, with a large group of people always hanging out next door, a nosy neighbor adjacent to the back yard and my new neighbor on the other side usually doing something in his back yard to make Jack go crazy. But it's very nice.

And I think I was justified two years ago when I decided that this was something I really wanted. Relaxation is something that I really like to do at home, especially after a hard day at work. Or a day like today when I'm just starting to exercise again and my whole body hurts. But there are definitely situations where I don't like to relax.

I've always loved to travel and I need to work more towards that. I prefer traveling to vacations. Hopefully you can understand what I mean by that. I can only really handle the beach for two days at the max, and the last time I went on a "real" beach vacation, to Belize, I got sea-sick twice and my then-girlfriend and myself almost drowned on a sea kayak with a hole in the bottom (blaming each other for the constant tipping for nearly 15 minutes before figuring out what the real problem was)...

I've mentioned before that I always wanted to be well traveled. But that goal has failed spectacularly over the last 5 years. I lived in Australia for six months in 2002, seeing the entire continent and the Southern half of New Zealand. My senior year Spring Break trip was a 10 day trip about Italy, hitting most major cities and some smaller ones that I absolutely loved (Assisi was a highlight of the trip). Then, Belize in 2005. After that, I didn't even step foot on an airplane until late 2009 when I had a job interview in Washington, DC. How pathetic is that! I just recently went to Los Angeles, which was a great trip, but not really what I'd consider traveling. So, what kind of traveling am I interested in?

It's been a goal of mine since college to go to China and climb the Great Wall of China, and I'm thinking that I'm gonna start making strides towards that. When I think about it realistically, it seems like that is approximately two years away in reality. My tax return and bonus for 2011 are already all pretty much wrapped up in all the home improvement projects that I did this year and the winter of 2011 will also most likely bring a new furnace, but this idea is definitely back on the forefront of my mind. There are obstacles, obviously, but from what I understand you can get around just fine in China speaking English. They just charge you more money. So that's one of the goals I'm working on, along with my other main goal which I'm sure I'll spend much more time talking about.

Just something I've been thinking about lately.

where i'm at

2010-08-01T16:48:00.003-04:00

There are definitely days where I feel like an alcoholic who has woken up facedown in a gutter somewhere after three years of sobriety. It's a question of: how the fuck did I get here? I know exactly how I've gotten to where I am at, but the main question I still have for myself is how the hell did I let this happen?

I told myself I was at rock bottom months ago... before I was down to 5% of my wardrobe and filled to the brim with self loathing. I am making a conscious effort right now to remember how bad I currently feel every day so that this never happens again. And I feel pretty bad on some days.

That sounds really negative, and to be honest, it is because it has to be. But the goal of this process is to realize that this is in fact a process (sorry Kanye West on my brain) that requires effort and that I have a long sobering year of hard work ahead of me. It will be behind me at some point; it always is. The problem is that I've been here before on more than one occasion. And the last time was supposed to be the last time. Just like the time before that, and the time before that.

I'm not allowed to get away with much before the consequences become very clearly evident. That's just the hand I was dealt. Just like I was blessed with a great memory and a captivating wit and charm ('sup ladies)... you win some, you lose some. It's just that every once and awhile, I forget that I'm on a short leash and I find myself in a mess of shit.

Now I stand before you up to my armpits in said mess of shit, and I need to get out.

Although to be fair, it's been a long year of sloth and laziness, and it's getting difficult to shake the cobwebs off. There are some thoughts out there in the world of personal finance about how paralysis by analysis can stop people from investing, because they try to plan out the "perfect" investment strategy. As a result of this they just wind up never doing anything. Well, I've kinda been guilty of the same thing. "Oh, I've gotta run. Get up every morning and run! Oh, I've gotta lift... lift 5 times a week. Gotta try to get in shape so I can do crossfit/mma training, whatever." What it leads to is a whole lot of I'll get started on that "this coming Monday's" and a whole bunch of inaction.

I've decided that I'm just gonna do whatever feels good at the time, and right now I'm going to work on lifting and getting my foundation back. I'm going the whole nine yards on this, I think. There will be (already is) pictures, which hopefully you can all see some day. Because the only way another human being who is not myself is ever going to see them is if there is a killer "after". I've set up some goals and things I'd like to achieve over the next year. They aren't marked with firm deadlines, but mostly general timeframes. Most importantly, they are achievable and realistic. I plan on this spanning into the spring of 2011 without interruption. It's still summer '10, as you know, so this is a marathon.

I kinda talked about a lot of the same things last year, but the main issue with last year is that even at the worst point things weren't really that bad. That's not the case this year; not the case right now. I can only remember two times in my life when things were worse. The last time was right around the time I decided to quit graduate school, and the situation was prett similar to where it is now. Bad, not the end of the world. I got my head in the right place and slowly but surely fixed the problem. The worst I've ever been (by far) was late 2005/early 2006, living with my ex-girlfriend Amy. Things got really out of hand, and she tried to help me in the right direction but my head was really in another place at that point, and it was pretty useless. And too late for me at that time, as it took me two years after that to wake up. It was too late for us to, for a variety of reasons, but I've have to imagine that was chief among them, at least on her end.

There is no us to worry about now, but I've finally realized that this has to be all about me. A lot of times in the past I felt like I had to do such and such to change the way other people perceive me or the way people felt about me, but I'm realizing now that's secondary.

I don't feel as negative as this sounds, but if you really know me then you know that I am my own harshest critic and I'm a very realistic person. I know what my faults are and I know what I need to work on. No one is ever going to surprise me with a complaint about me that I haven't already considered myself. This is a pep talk to myself that other people can read.

Tomorrow is a brand new day, and even though tomorrow is Monday it's not going to be another "this coming Monday." It's time to set things straight.

outnumbered

2010-07-30T20:29:00.004-04:00

So, for the last week I've had two dogs roaming the house. Mine, of course, and the dog that I watch from time to time. His name is Jake, and he's the sweetest boy. In dog terms, my code word for sweet is, of course, stupid, but I love him and every time I get to watch him is fine by me. He's a very sweet boy, as it were.

Once upon a time (a few months ago), I entertained the idea of having two dogs. This is a bad idea.

Ultimately, I think it could work in the long term. In the short term, it's a nightmare. For starters, you are OUTNUMBERED. You think the dogs might play with each other and give you some free time, but this is wishful thinking at best. Stupidity at worst. Each wants attention in the worst way, chiefly from you, the caregiver. I figured out the easiest way to make my own dog jealous, and that was to get in a catcher's stance and talk to both of the dogs. Jack would cut Jake off at the pass at every attempt to get close to me and in time of desperate measures he would bite at his neck. That's MY daddy, bitch, stay away.

I have long since come to the conclusion that a second dog will be in my future just as soon as a second person lives in this house to pay the bills and share the responsibility.

I won't be having a second dog for quite some time.

my new fave

2010-07-24T11:21:00.003-04:00

Now that Lost is gone something must step up and claim the throne as the "best ever tv show at the moment no doubt in my mind" and while House and Cuddy finally getting in wub might be pretty awesome... this wins hands down:

Such a good show and least season was the best. Quinn v. Dexter this year? Ok.

blog blog blog

2010-07-21T09:13:00.002-04:00

Might be slow on the posts over the next few days. Not because I'm lazy or neglectful; as I've been for months.

I am actually writing a short story at the moment, one I've been turning over in my head in some fashion for awhile.

It may/may not suck, but I think as a first attempt it will be alright.

I'm about 800 words in to a projected 4000.

At which point I will actually wait a few days and then edit it, which is something that most of these blog posts could really use but do not get.

optimism

2010-07-19T19:39:00.001-04:00

I'm an eternal optimist in that I believe the top falls down.

(Either you will get that or you won't. )

in medias res

2010-07-17T23:33:00.003-04:00

If you were given the option of dying painlessly in peace at 45, but with a lover at your side... after a long and happy life. Is this something that would interest you? Would this interest you at all?

In Stride

2010-07-16T20:00:00.003-04:00

My endocrinologist cracks me up in ways that an 80 year old Dr. with a heavy Greek accent only could. He asks me the same questions every six months. Some of them are relevant to my condition, such as asking if the temperature in the room is ok, do I ever feel tired, etc. Some of them clearly aren't. I get the feeling that he asks me how my bowel movements are just because he wants to know the answer. My favorite thing about him is that he obviously got his M.D. sometime in the early 60s, if not sooner, from the University of Athens, or some similar Greek University.

In all my prior visits I have gotten minor lectures on my weight, including when I was only about 20 pounds heavier then he wanted me to be.

Today - I was much heavier. MUCH. I was dreading the lecture all day. I got some hilarious advice - as in, I clearly need to be eating barley for breakfast. Also, whole oats that take longer to cook because they don't have sugar. As I have said, I love this man.

But the best part of the whole appointment was when he looked at my chart. Flipped back a page. Looked again... flipped back. Then he looked me square in the eyes and he said...'You've gained a lot of weight." I said, "Oh, I know, I know..." and I was ready with some of my best excuses (I'm a pro) when he just quickly said... "Well, I think you need to lose (pause) 80 pounds. Not right away, but let's say in the next two years." And then he changed the subject.

Eighty pounds (EIGHT - ZERO) is a very large number in terms of weight loss and/or weight gain. He said it as if he was recommending that I try to walk 15 minutes a day, 3 times a week. Hey, no big shit. Lose some weight, fattie. I was dying of laughter inside.

90% of the population (and 100% of all females) would have been so offended that they never would see this particular Dr. again. All I could think as I was leaving was just how correct he was. That sounds like a lot of weight but it would put me where I want to be.

This interaction, as with anything in life, only serves to reinforce that you need to take things in stride. You need to know who you are and what you need to be so that things like this don't offend you today. Or ever for that matter. I knew he was right.

In my version of a perfect world, I would be sharply dressed, good looking, and well traveled. Being fat directly contributes to me not meeting two of my main goals. Why do I not do something about this? Why do I not work every single day to make sure I end up where I want to be.

I'm about to.

things fall apart

2010-07-14T19:53:00.002-04:00

Oh, faithful reader, when we last (mostly) parted 10 months ago, things were going quite swimmingly for our young protagonist (me!). I was sticking to my diet and exercise plan, I was saving money, and things were going mostly as well as I could hope for.

That was 10 months ago.

Stephen King recently personally told me that if I want to be a writer then I need to write and read as often as I can. (Don’t laugh, he can tell you too.) I used to love writing, then it became a chore. Mostly because I ran out of things to write about. But people seemed to like it and nearly a year later people still remark about it... so here we are.

I mean to write some fiction, but it’s scary and has a high possibility for failure... so who knows if will get around to it. I certainly mean to. I also certainly mean to get around to a whole bunch of other things. My unyielding love of the ellipse might drive a copy editor to a particularly gruesome murder/suicide. These things may be best left untouched.

When we last left off, things were uncertain for me at my place of employment. I believe I had just interviewed for a position in Washington DC. I liked that place, but they ended up stringing me along. I have a pretty realistic idea of what happened, and it’s times like these when I realize that I am able to view myself and the world around me with an objective lens. I am perfectly willing to accept that I’m not perfect - no one is (except Jack). The way I envision things going down is that they liked me, realized I didn’t have enough experience and wanted to hire me at a level lower then what I interviewed for. This would lead to my recruiter telling me that they liked me. Then they realized that this schmuck, aged 27 (at the time) somehow owns a house and we’re going to have to move him here. At which point, they probably all looked around and said something to the effect of “Oh that guy? Yeah, fuck that guy.” So, I didn’t get the job. Things were tense for awhile, but I finally ended up getting another position at Bristol here in Syracuse, ending my long national nightmare.

So, I got a new job. Got a raise. My bonus went up to 8% of my yearly salary, from the whopping zero that it was at. I opened a 401k and took additional steps to becoming a real boy. The main steps that I took were major remodeling of the house. That was a lot of time and effort, and well, mostly money. But I did what I wanted and it’s almost all done - so I’m happy. But I’m back to attempting to save large amount of money. I have more debt then I did at this time last year, potentially an understatement, but it’s justified and I’m satisfied and that area is all good.

So why is this titled “things fall apart”? Have I spent the last month just solidly listening to this:

No, but I liked that album when I was in high school and the track with Erykah Badu is really good (It’s called “You Got Me”). In fact, ever since then that’s been one of my favorite little sayings, used in approximately a thousand away messages and facebook status updates since. And it’s fitting.

Things have definitely fallen apart. Because, at my core, I still care about the same two things I cared about last year. Being financially sound and being in good shape (to the constant chagrin of my mother, who wants me to settle down and get married very, very much). I am in awful shape. The worst, in fact. I’ve gone from being in the best I’ve bee in since high school to being in amongst the worst. I have no one to blame for this but myself. I can spend 3000 words putting down all my feelings on the matter and over the next few weeks - I just might. It’s going to be a while before I’m in shape again. I’ve only been single a week (another topic for another day, but I’ll probably never write about it).

Every day I wake up and I look in the mirror and wonder just about the only thing a man can wonder in the situation, what the fuck happened? Just today I noticed more spots filling in around my eyes, giving credence to the Dr’s theory that it is lipid deposits in my eyes. Unlike my dog, who has him directly in his eyeballs (genetic to the breed), I just have them on the outside, which doesn’t hurt my eye in any way. This is usually a sign of high cholesterol, which I don’t have. Either way, the addition of more of these isn’t what I would consider a good sign.

Ultimately, I wish that I could build a time machine and travel back in time 9-10 months and punch my skinny self directly in the face. But that’s not going to happen.

Instead, it will be the same thing it always is. A slow climb back to respectability.

I’m going to attempt to avoid the “x happened today and x is the result of that” format that I have been guilty of at times. This may fall into that a bit, but it’s also my first post in 10 months... so kindly give me a break.

Practice, practice, practice. And I believe that, although he didn’t state it, Mr. King would agree that practicing not eating the double cheeseburger is a good thing to aspire to, as well.

is this thing on?

2010-03-10T18:53:00.000-05:00

Been four months since I wrote anything. I got a new program for journal writing/blog posting that automatically uploads it to blogger so I’m just testing it out. I think it’s possible that I’ll start this back up. I did it for nine months without stopping, amazingly, but then kinda petered out.

I was watching House the other night, and the patient was a compulsive blogger who wrote about everything going on in her life, even while she was laying in the hospital bed dying. Although the character was supremely annoying and I wanted her to die (she didn’t - boo) it somehow made me miss writing blog posts.

Since November:

- Got a new job at Bristol. Got a decent raise, started qualifying for bonuses, better benefits... all that happy stuff. The best part is that I get to stay in Syracuse for a bit. I’ve covered this extensively over the past year but I really wanted to keep my house and stuff... so I’m glad I got the chance.

- Kinda got out of shape. I gain weight every winter and at the end of every summer I tell myself that it won’t happen again but it always does. This winter was just as bad as last winter... which is to say pretty bad. I have a pretty good blueprint from how I lost weight last summer, which will be helpful. Last year it took me a month or two to get it right so hopefully once it gets warm enough to start running again I can just get this weight flying right off. I’m already craving some running time.

- Going to be repainting the house over the next few months... growing to hate the brown. I thought it was a good idea but now not so much. Going with a neutral/tan/beige for the living room and upstairs hallway, with the wall going up the staircase serving as a red accent wall. I’m really hoping that it turns out as good as I’m thinking it will. Bought some new appliances, other boring stuff. Basically doing stuff I would have done awhile ago but now my future is more stable.

- Going to Los Angeles for the 4th of July to see my friends from college so I’m really looking forward to that.

Maybe I’ll keep writing, maybe I won’t. Still unclear what time I’m gonna have once I start my new job. I guess we’ll see.

Tightening up in November

2009-11-09T10:43:00.003-05:00

My main focus for the remainder of November is to tighten things up; literally and figuratively. I'm going to work on losing approximately 10 pounds between now and Dec 1, which sounds like too much, but really it's not since I put that much on in the past 6 weeks. New weight is easy weight to lose. Just can't let it get comfortable, then it wants to stick around for a while.

I also need to tighten up financially. It's looking like there is a distinct possibility that I will become an unemployment statistic as soon as January, and my two job interviews didn't pan out nearly as well as I hoped they would (and was led to believe they did). I didn't get the job in Maryland, despite nearly being promised the job by my recruiter. I'm wondering if the company was misleading to him, if something got lost in communication, or what. I made it to the final 2 for the position in Connecticut, but they made the offer to the other of the final 2. There is still a chance I get offered the job if #1 rejects it, but who knows. But on the BMS front, it's not looking good for my position. There is always the hope I get a different position but that's wishful thinking at best and flat out dreaming at worst. So, let's set a decent goal to save $1000 by the end of the month. That's also not as crazy as it sounds, as I am waiting on a $400 travel reimbursement and I already have some money with no purpose in my checking account.

I need to get my shit together and now seems as good a time as any.

oh hi

2009-10-29T12:32:00.002-04:00

Haven't written in about a week. Went to an interview in Connecticut last week. I originally thought I had no interest in the position and didn't want to go and interview for it but I'm glad that I did. I ended up liking what they had to say, the benefits package, etc. Although, I heard today that they narrowed the search down to two candidates, me and someone else (yay!) but it looks like they are leaning towards the someone else (boo!). I could still get the offer if this other person turns it down or whatever, but it's not looking 100% promising.

Still waiting to hear back from the other job. They are kinda stringing me a long a little bit. Let's see how that goes.

I'm kinda on a ticking clock here; I have about two months to find a job. I'm hoping that this all works out because I don't want to end up poor and on unemployment.

We're thinking about dressing Jack up and going to the pet Halloween costume contest that the radio station is throwing. I will update on that if it happens.

Goings on

2009-10-21T14:52:00.003-04:00

------------------

I'm such a nerd. I bought a turn-by-turn GPS app, MotionX, from the App Store. It's only $3, compared to TomTom and Navigon, which are $90 and $100 respectively. The difference is, you get one month voice and turn-by-turn for $3 and you have to subscribe for additional months. The cool thing is, you only pay when you need it. So you don't have to pay $3 every month if you aren't going to be traveling, but if you ever do need it you just pay your $3 and off you go. I like this business model.

So I went right over to Best Buy and bought the "RoadTrip", which is a combination iPhone car charger/iPod radio transmitter, and iPhone holder. So, it holds the phone up via steel cord (for lack of a better term) from the cigarette lighter, charges the phone, and allows it to play music through the radio. But with this GPS app, it also doubles as GPS holder. The app allows iPod integration into the turn-by-turn directions. I gave it a trial run yesterday and it quiets the music to give you your directions and then goes right back into the music.

I am absolutely in love with this; it goes directly to my nerd heart. I just thought I'd share.

I'll be using it tonight for a roadtrip to CT and it's making the thought of driving 4 hours both tonight and tomorrow a little more inviting.

-------------------

On the opposite of the cool spectrum, I finally gave in and bought a no load/no fee index fund today for my IRA that I can just throw money into and not even think about. I'm tired of picking up individual stocks and seeing how they go. Let's just make it boring and easy.

I screwed up really bad back in March. I wanted to put $1000 into Bank of America stock just to see what would happen, and guess what? That stock would be worth just around $6000 today. Ooops! I really dropped the ball on that one.

-------------------

Mentioned earlier that I'm going to CT. It's for a job interview in Cheshire, CT. I already know how much the job pays, that they will pay up to $35k for full relocation, and all that other good stuff. The salary is livable, and I've been told that this isn't the insanely rich part of CT. It's still about an hour+ from NYC so not exactly a suburb, but worth a shot.

I have no idea what my feelings on the state of CT is but I figure it's worth figuring out.

As for the other job - I have heard that I should hear something maybe as soon as this week. Although I can almost swear I heard something similar nearly two weeks ago. So I'm not holding my breath. But through discussions with the recruiter working on this for me, I have been made aware of the progressions being made internally. I know that it's a lot closer to happening then it was then; all my references have been contacted, etc. I have to just do a phone interview with a VP who was not there the day of my interview and we might be able to proceed from there.

This has been pushed back so far that I'm already looking at a first day of November 16th, even if they offered me the job as soon as tomorrow. Hey, get there just in time to take Thanksgiving holiday! Assuming that's what I end up doing - unclear at this point.

-------------------

Last weekend when Marissa and I were in the process of getting out of bed, Jack whined his way onto the bed and crammed his head inbetween us (as he is hilariously known to do on occasion; it's his favorite place to be). This is all well and good until we realized that he left a poop stain on the side of the sheets somehow. I have no idea where the poop came from - it was just a tiny bit.

It was funnier if you were there; trust me.

-------------------

A job interview on a Thursday really breaks up the week. By the time I get back it will be Friday and the week will be over. Nice!

Everybody is a crybaby

2009-10-19T15:43:00.002-04:00

I saw Where The Wild Things Are yesterday. No thank you.

The book was maybe 10-15 pages, so adapting it to a movie is obviously going to be a bit of a stretch. Well, I think director Spike Jonze decided that having everyone get butthurt about everything and silently sit and ponder their heartbreak and problems while staring at the ocean was a perfect way to flesh out the storyline.

Don't get me wrong, the set work was pretty good and the voice work was tremendous. James Gandolifini was probably the best choice to play Carol, the uber-tough, ultra emo crybaby lead "thing". The only thing Carol likes better than destroying and/or building things is sharing his feelings in a "gosh why do bad things happen to me" manner.

I guess the message of the film is that nothing will ever be perfect and people will always ruin things. But despite that it's better to be with other people than to be alone, so deal with it. Make sure you bring your kids!

I was kinda hoping that when Max went back home to be with his mom that his boat capsized and he drowned but that didn't happen.

NOT A FAN.

?

2009-10-14T09:54:00.004-04:00

Haven't written anything in a few days - nothing to write about. Just sitting around waiting for things to happen or not happen, however it may go.

I filled out a Cornell alumni survey today; only after about six different email reminders about it. I try to fill out surveys honestly, I really do. Filling out the survey made me realize that I'm quite proud to be an alumnus of Cornell, although I don't actually think about this fact on a regular or even semi-regular basis.

I have grown to not care for upstate/central NY very much, but that's mostly due to the fact that I feel like I should be in a city and I absolutely despise cold weather. I shouldn't associate those bad feelings with Cornell in any way, since looking back it was a really good four years for undergraduate and a mildly decent three years for graduate.

If I move to Washington there are probably Cornell Alumni events there. Is attending said events as lame as I might imagine it to be? I have no idea. It's something worth considering, but I'm unsure on the whole idea.

I saw Zombieland last week; loved it. The best part of the movie is something I won't talk about here because it's something of a (totally freakin' awesome) spoiler and knowing it ahead of time will take some of the enjoyment out of the movie. Needless to say, that's not the only good part. If you are hesitant because it's a zombie movie, then don't be. I'm not a big zombie movie fan, myself... didn't even really love Shaun of the Dead, which people constantly cream over. This movie is more of a comedy with a zombie backdrop instead of the other way around. Funny throughout. Go and see it. No joke it's probably my third favorite movie of the year (behind Up! and Away We Go).

It's getting cold again. It might even snow on Friday. This drives me crazy... it's not even Halloween yet. I have nothing more to add here without descending in to a very negative rant about my feelings on the matter.

Hmmm... I beat two separate Guitar Hero games this weekend (in to yesterday). I finally finished GH5 on Saturday, which took awhile because there are so many songs on the game. I got my free copy of Guitar Hero:Van Halen in the mail on Saturday, as well. I finished that yesterday. It was easier, seemingly. I got 4 perfect songs and I've only gotten one in my life prior to that. I think the trick is that I finally mastered the hammer on/pull offs (HOPOs as they are called in the game). I never realized it before but if the top of the note is glowing white then you don't have to strum, you just need to press the fret. Little trick for those of you who might not have known that. Or maybe everyone does and I'm just a retard. I don't know. I might go back and try both of them on hard at some point, but not now, because...

Just started a new game, one I have been looking forward to for awhile. It's called Fallout 3 and a lot of people consider it the best game on XBox360. I was waiting to pick it up because the Game of the Year edition with all of the paid DLC (downloadable content for the non video game players) didn't come out until yesterday, now I can finish the entire true game without paying $100 for all of it (DLC isn't cheap!). I started playing last night... so far, so good. It's set in 2277, 200 years after a nuclear war between China and the US. You live in a bunker called The Vault and then you have to leave and examine the area around Washington DC in a post apocalyptic society. It combines elements of a roleplaying game and a first person shooter. Not much I can really say about it so far, since I only put in about 90 minutes of play but I think it's going to be awesome. I have high hopes.

Ok - back to killing time at work. I'm kind of already getting phased out even though I might not be leaving. Fun times. Well, maybe that's not accurate since all of the people who can not directly report to the FDA next month have a bit less to do, but still... boring days at times. Sigh.

A brief review of every movie I've seen since last time I did this

2009-10-06T10:16:00.004-04:00

Ok... picking up where we left off at the end of July.

Skipped out on: District 9, Gamer. The rest were romantic comedies and movies off the radar. I think we're officially out of summer movie season, so really I didn't miss much.

Ok, now to those I did see.

Funny People: Interesting movie in the sense that it had some absolutely hilarious parts, but overall I never want to see it again. Jonah Hill killed it in this movie, everything he said was pretty funny. Schwartzman and "Hey Teach!" was a riot. A lot of Sandler and Seth Rogan's standup was very, very funny. But as a movie? Not so much! The entire third act with Leslie Mann (who thinks nepotism is awesome, by the way) and Eric Bana really killed the movie. Plus, Adam Sandler's character was completely unlikeable. Some great comedy in this one, but overall a bad movie. I think this was the Judd Apatow ego project and I can't really say that I was a big fan.

2/5

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra: I went in to this with very low expectations. The reviews were terrible, the previews weren't that great, and the cast left a little to be desired. But you know what? It worked for what it was. A brainless popcorn flick that maybe brought back some memories of my childhood. GI Joe was my favorite toy/cartoon from when I was a kid. The movie worked despite some questionable casting decisions (Channing Tatum as Duke? A Wayans brother as anyone?). Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow dueling was easily the best part. Also - the sequel set up with Cobra Commander and Destro at the end was nice. I could have done with one "Destro, you idiot!", but I guess that can wait until the sequel.

3/5

Inglorious Basterds: I enjoy Quentin Tarantino. Kill Bill is one of my favorites and all of his movies are enjoyable to me. This was a good movie with a lot of great sequences. Some of it was over the top, but I appreciated it for what it was. The performances were incredible. Hans Landa was one of the best villains I have seen in a movie, hilarious and evil. The acting was top notch. The actor, Christoph Waltz, deserves some recognition from the Academy for his work. The opening scene on the farm built up the tension and paid off in a huge way. Brad Pitt was also good here - mostly playing an unlikeable character who is supposed to be a hero. That sort of goes for all of the Basterds. These guys were crazy and a little bit sociopathic but we cheer for them because they are killing Nazis. The fact that Aldo the Apache was the best at speaking eye-talian was one of the funniest parts of the movie.

Great movie, yes. Tarantino's masterpiece as the ending might suggest? No.

4/5

Extract: Interesting movie here as well. Great cast, decent story, one of the hottest women on the planet (in my eyes), but it didn't work completely. I thought it was a passable and somewhat enjoyable film but it was definitely missing something. I think Mike Judge has had better films, but this is worth a rental if you missed it, and you probably did.

3/5

Jennifer's Body: I've written about this previously. Stupid movie, but good. I enjoyed it a lot. Cheesy dialogue, cheesy kill scenes, two hot chicks. I recommend. Don't expect anything substantial, though.

4/5

The Informant: All-star performance by Matt Damon. Outstanding is pretty much the only way to put it. The story is interesting and the layers of the plot unfold in a way that makes sense and is interesting, by the end it's hard to believe some of the things that are happening. It's made all the more interesting by the fact that it's mostly a true story. If you look it up, most of this stuff actually happened. Cornell graduate! And fun fact, same department as me, same major. Maybe some day I can embezzle 13 million dollars while working for the FBI? Probably not...

4/5

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 3D: It was alright. The 3D animation was pretty spectacular, as it is for a lot of the films these days. In terms of the story, it was cute but definitely geared more towards kids. It's easy to get spoiled by Pixar movies that kids love but have adult storylines that are heartwarming and somewhat sophisticated. This is not that movie. There is a pretty funny monkey in the film, though, and it was enjoyable. Still, not even in the same ballpark as Up! or any other Pixar movie.

3/5

The Invention of Lying: Oh, this could have been so much better. It started off very funny and with so much promise.

"You're early, I was just upstairs masturbating. I'll be right back, in case I get horny again and finish masturbating" - Jennifer Garner

But not good. Two problems: 1) in a world where everyone has to tell the truth, everyone it a gigantic asshole. It's like a non-stop competition to see who can say the meanest thing all movie. Maybe that's how life would be if everyone had to tell the truth all the time, but it was kind of a shock to see.

2) They went in the wrong direction. Him inventing religion and becoming "Jesus" and the commandments on pizza boxes... not how I would have gone at all. I enjoy a good lampoon of religion as much as the next person but they got it all wrong here.

This could have been an outstanding movie, the concept is great. Execution; not so much.

2/5

Going to see Zombieland tonight, and probably Where the Wild Things Are round out the list for movies I'm going to see this month. It's getting in to a slow month or so before the Oscar contenders start hitting theaters!

100th post

2009-10-01T09:09:00.003-04:00

Hey, this is my 100th post.

So, to all who contributed to the 2,747 page views that I have amassed since February, thank you. I realize that most of those views came from this being a #1 hit on Google for a month or so, but hey... I can pretend I'm that popular.

I have another phone screen for a job in Connecticut on Monday. I can't lie, I'm not that excited about it. I'm not even sure I want to go through with it. I already know ahead of time that the job pays $65,000, with 5% bonus and full relocation. I don't know if that's going to cut it. I never have had a strong desire to live in Connecticut. I told my recruiter to submit my resume so I have to at least take a half hour of my schedule and go through the motions of a phone screen. I probably won't go for the full interview, though.

I have this secret hope that I will get a job offer from Maryland and then somehow convince people here at Bristol to match the offer. This would be a double-win because the offer would be higher, but translate that higher offer to Syracuse dollars (cheaper than regular dollars) and it would be even MORE money. There would be other benefits to this option as well. How feasible is this? I don't know... maybe not at all. I really can't say. I do now that at the very least they might make some promises but promises do not make mortgage payments. I loved things in Maryland but if I could script it, I would probably get a big promotion/raise and stay here in Syracuse.

The truth is: I really don't know how things are going to turn out, although in my head I realize that some scenarios are more likely than others.

I spent all last night attempting to get caught up on all the TV I missed. Season premiere of Dexter, Entourage, Curb your Enthusiasm, two nights of Daily Show and Colbert Report, The Ultimate Fighter (with Kimbo Slice in action!)... that just about covers all the TV I watched yesterday.

Dexter was great. Don't want to spoil it. I know people who read this blog who still aren't caught up, but sleepy Dexter was pretty great. Why is he sleepy? I don't know... hurry up and catch up. (PS: yes you. PPS: you're sexy)

Curb Your Enthusiasm was an all-time classic episode. Here's a few reasons why:

"secondhand semen"

"I told you that blowjobs were dangerous"

"... I think you blew him."

"I'm going to go upstairs and eat this fuckin' Chinese food. That's what I'm gonna do."

"LD, I give you a taste of the chocolate and now look at you."

I love Larry David.

STILL need to catch this week's House, Bored to Death episode 2 from Sunday, and after tonight both episodes of Flash Forward. Not to mention SNL, The Office, and Community tonight. Yay, TV is back!

Which is good because it's freezing! And my heat is on already! BOOOOOOOOO.

My trip to Washington

2009-09-30T10:49:00.004-04:00

I flew in to DC Monday for a job interview in a Maryland suburb. I conquered my fear of flying, although the fear had managed to grow in my head during the last 4 years since I've been on a plane. I was not nearly as afraid of flying as I thought I was and I enjoyed both flights, there and back. Having a few beers prior to certainly didn't hurt. They were also short 75 minute flights, which contributed to my enjoyment. I'm actually pretty sure that I fell asleep on my evening flight last night which is something I had trouble doing in the past.

The interview went well. I think the company is going in the right direction; constructing new buildings, adding jobs. Everyone seemed to love it there, I liked everyone that I spoke to, and the location is beautiful. Let's see how it turns out. If the money is right then it looks like it could be a winner.

Last night when I was sitting at the airport having a beer, everyone around me starting clapping and running towards the walkway to catch a look at something. I turned around and only noticed a lot of men in dark suits with red ties. I mistakenly thought it was some hero pilots or something. This makes no sense, but I don't know... maybe pilots get applause? Anyway, I turned around again quickly and noticed blonde spikey hair walking past me. Right around the time I put it together in my head someone yelled out, "We love you, Hillary!". So yeah, Hillary Clinton walked approximately 3 feet away from me. I could have reached out and gently caressed her face if I was in the mood to be beaten half to death by a dozen secret service agents. I shook Bill's hand in 2004, so I could have completed the Clinton circle, if you will (you're next, Chelsea).

Bill Clinton is pretty much the president of my childhood, he was President from when I was 10 to when I was 18 and will probably always be a significant Presidential figure to me for as long as he is alive. I'm glad I got the chance to hear him speak at my graduation in 2004 and also to shake his hand. I supported Hillary originally in the 2008 election before I kinda got swept up in Obama-mania like a lot of people. I still think that Hillary could be a good President - maybe some day.

This was actually my first time in Washington - I saw a lot of the monuments while in the taxi, which was cool, and I was feet away from a political powerhouse. Add that to a successful job interview and I'd say it was a good trip.

Stuff

2009-09-28T09:53:00.003-04:00

I think I had a pretty good weekend, aside from my FFB team laying a complete egg and scoring 0 touchdowns between the entire team, save the one player I have playing on Monday Night Football tonight. Doesn't matter - I clearly lost. As of right now I'm the low score for the week. In the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal at all. Everyone loses and I'm still towards the top in overall points. But the big loss here is that I've lost all my shit talking privileges for the foreseeable future due to the complete suck-bomb that my team laid out there this weekend. And I like to talk shit. So I'm a bit disappointed.

But other than that, things went well. Saw two movies, Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs in 3D and The Informant. Cloudy was ok, there were some cute parts and there was a funny monkey but I wasn't really feelin' it. Matt Damon really nailed it in The Informant, though. Just a tremendous performance. His character breaks off into these crazy thought patterns as he is in the middle of doing things (as shown through narration of random things while something else is going on) and I found it highly enjoyable. Pretty cool story, as well, considering that it is mostly based on a true story. Another instance of a character in a movie or TV show going to Cornell only to be a crazy person/psycho or fool (see: Bernard, Andy). Is Cornell the go-to Ivy League school for flawed scripted characters? I know it's not the best school in the Ivy League but please hollywood, give us a break.

Marissa and I were supposed to go camping but ended up not due to the 1 inch of rain being forecast. This ended up being a wise decision because the forecast was accurate and we would have been miserable. We did end up going to the Adirondacks for the day, which I really enjoyed. I like to be in the woods and to hike and stuff, even though I don't get to do it that often. Jack had a perfect doggie day of running through the trees, swimming in a lake, climbing a mountain and getting a lot of attention from strangers (which he even allowed after he was tired).

We ended up climbing a mountain, which was a half mile straight up hill. I had Jack on the leash so I ended up taking it in dog pace, which was pretty fast. Thankfully I've been exercising all summer so I was able to do it pretty easily. It was a beautiful view, and we ended up having lunch on top while enjoying the view. It was pretty nice.

So tonight I am off to Maryland for my interview. I'm trying not to be nervous about the plane trip. I kinda hate that I'm the kind of guy who worries about things that have a 1 in 8.5 million chance of happening. I'm just trying to relax and not think about it. I do hate flying though. Marissa is going to be watching Jack so I hope that he behaves. I think he is still worn out from Saturday, though, so he probably won't be much trouble.

Interview tomorrow, which hopefully goes well, and back in Syracuse by 10:30 PM if all goes well. Let's hope that it does!

Needy's Body

2009-09-23T09:10:00.003-04:00

So while my friend Luke was here last week we went to see Jennifer's Body, starring who most people consider the sexiest woman on the planet, Megan Fox. I happen to think Megan Fox is pretty hot, especially in the first Transformers. She is also batshit crazy, if you happen to read any of the hundreds of interviews she's done lately.

In the movie, she plays Jennifer, a girl who gets possessed by a demon (SPOILER ALERT) and starts killing people. If you couldn't have surmised this already from the previews, you probably should try a less taxing hobby than watching movies.

Her best friend in the movie is Needy, played by Amanda Seyfried. You might recognize Amanda from Big Love, that one episode of House she was on, or most likely as one of the plastics from "Mean Girls", which is the only time in existence when Lindsay Lohan was awesome.

She is not supposed to be sexy in the movie. In fact, if you see the dress she wore to the prom then you would realize that she is supposed to be a giant nerd. This is in stark contrast to the vamping Megan Fox, who they pretty much want you to think is dripping hot sex throughout the entire movie.

Maybe it's my personality or whatever, but I came away from the movie thinking that one of the girls was extremely hot and it wasn't the one ranked #1 on Maxim's Hottest Women on the Planet list. It was the nerdy one.

This kind of always happens to me. After I saw Nick and Norah for the first time, I was insanely attracted to Kat Dennings; this despite the fact she isn't particularly attractive. Am I just attracted to nerdy girls, who in the case of Dennings and Needy are slightly frumpy? I don't think that's the case. It probably comes down to the fact that I'm a giant nerd myself and I can completely relate.

In high school and college this sort of behavior got me in trouble with my friends all the time. Gathered around a computer screen to look at some bleached blonde with giant fake tits...everyone would be gushing about how hot she is and I couldn't help but express my lack of enthusiasm. This lead to me being called negative or a downer or "super high standards" a lot of the time, but I think what my friends always failed to realize (and probably still do) is that my standards aren't the same as theirs. I have absolutely no tolerance for stupidity, so I would probably not be interested in a girl who looked like Megan Fox if she was as dumb as a lamppost (although if she actually WERE Megan Fox then I think I would manage)...

Anyway, the movie was pretty decent. I laughed a lot more than I figured I would. I would recommend if if you can handle "Diablo Cody" speak, which is to say a lot of metaphors and sayings that are a bit of a reach from the way people actually talk.

"I am smiling because this random guy who writes a blog thinks I'm cuter than Megan Fox. Hooray for me."

Meh says the goat

2009-09-22T09:08:00.004-04:00

I had almost forgotten how difficult it is to write and maintain a blog when you have nothing to talk about. All summer it was so easy since I was a man possessed with goals, and missions, and all of that nonsense. I had things to write about.

Now? I work, I dominate fantasy football, I run a little bit, I play video games, and what else? I don't know... Nothing crazy going on.

I am dating someone but that's not exactly bloggable... you can get in a lot of trouble that way, and I have a big enough mouth the way it is.

I am going to Maryland on Tuesday the 29th for a job interview. Let's see how that goes. I am keeping an open mind. All things being equal I'd probably want to stay in Syracuse, but all things aren't equal. If I get the offer it WILL be for more money, with a higher bonus, and better benefits, and the weather will be nicer. It's just that I have a house here and I like my house and I kind of want to take the easy way out. But I can't, because I won't have a job come next May and I have to get a move on. Yes, it's possible that I will get an offer from BMS by then but I'm not willing to wait around and find out. I don't really want to have to find out how fun it is to collect unemployment.

When I moved to Syracuse my plan was to live here for 5 years maximum, bar the possibility that you find and marry some girl and then you're kind of trapped and even though you love her you kind of secretly resent her because you're fucking TRAPPED in a frigid ice box that gets two months of summer and is a city due to population statistics only... so there's that. So I have tried to date girls who don't plan on living in Syracuse their entire life but I failed miserably at that, since I'm pretty sure the one serious girlfriend I had here planned on living here for the rest of her life.

And that's the main warning that everyone gives me when I tell them that I want to stay here 3-5 years and leave. Be careful, because you never know if you'll get stuck in a situation where you can't leave.

So my options, as I see it, are to stay here in my comfortable house, which I love. My dog is settled here and he's happy. I'm 90% happy, if my job was better I'd dare say 100%. Or I can go to Washington DC suburb, get a job with much better career prospects and make more money. And it would probably be the kind of money that's almost a little absurd for a single guy with no obligations to be making, especially considering I'm not the kind of person who is going to run out and buy a BMW or something like that. Maybe the newest, freshest Apple product but that's not going to bankrupt you.

Long time readers are also aware that I suffer from seasonal affective disorder and I'm saying I'm happy now under the idea that winter was a long time ago and there is a dark spot in my brain kind of preventing me from realizing that it's right around the corner. If I had this decision to make in December when it's 4 degrees here and a foot of snow and it's 30 in Maryland with green(ish) grass, do I not run for the fucking door like I'm Usain Bolt after inhaling 30 pounds of meth? I don't know.

But it's not an easy thing, to pick up and move. It NEVER is, but it's harder now. I own the place I live. My name is on it. Not only am I proud of that, it makes it much harder to just pack up and go. Also, when I first got here I was under the impression I would be here awhile so I bought a lot of furniture. My dog is settled and hard to move since he's a 90 pound scary looking thing, despite the fact that he has run away from squirrels before and gotten his ass handed to him by a cat on multiple occasions.

I honestly think my brain is setting up barriers because I have repeatedly conditioned myself to take the easy way out... even though I haven't always done that. It's definitely my preferred option. The easiest way out here is to do nothing and be complacent but I don't think I can do that. I have to take the best opportunity for me. But how do I know that this is the right one? I have 8 months to try other best opportunities. I am excellent at interviews and my resume is stellar, do I need to take the first thing available to me? Ugghh... I don't know what to do.

I think today's blog post was a perfect exercise on how I am highly capable of going off on unfiltered brain leaks for long periods of time. I have a lot on my mind.

Here's a video of my dog acting crazy: