MacGruber:
I'm still a big SNL fan. I watch every week and I am consistently entertained. MacGruber is funny every once in awhile, but I wasn't sure that it would be able to carry its own movie. I mean, these are 30 second skits we are talking about here. Granted, most SNL movies are stretched from a 5 minute skit. So automatically, this movie is 6x the stretch a normal SNL movie would be.Well, guess what? It was awesome. I laughed the entire time. The sex scene between MacGruber and Vickie St. Elmo (Kristen Wiig) needs to be seen to be believed. And seriously... Vickie St. Elmo? That's so very, very awesome. MacGruber rolls everywhere with his trusty car stereo and isn't afraid to offer up a blowjob for whatever he needs to get done. This isn't as fresh in my mind 3 months out from seeing it. I'm going to need to watch this one again, which would be a treat. I laughed throughout.
8/10.
Get Him to the Greek
Parts of this were very, very funny. Russell Brand is, of course, his normal self. His "out-of-touch" rocker was pretty hilarious. The entire African child video set at the beginning is a pretty nice parody of the clueless rockstar and there were a few moments when he was describing his thought process that were pretty funny. All of the songs, filthy as they were, were pretty entertaining with some clever lyrics. I love almost anything that is clever. P. Diddy stole the show. This is a sentence I never thought I would type. But he did. He was pretty funny. You might not have realized it when you started this paragraph but I've been mind fucking you the entire time. The picture you see above is a direct result of his most glorious mindfuck on Brand/Hill.
This wasn't all good. The serious parts with Aldous Snow's dad didn't really work for me. Neither did the whole threesome scene with Jonah Hill and his girlfriend. Actually, let me rephrase that. The entire girlfriend thing didn't work. We were supposed to believe that Hill was such a bad person and he was so wrong and as an audience we were supposed to come to the realization that he needs her in his life to survive at the same time we did. But I certainly didn't. She wasn't very nice, likeable, or seemingly that interested in him. He probably would have been better off bailing on that bitch. So that definitely didn't work for me.
But mostly this one was pretty good.
6/10.
The A-Team
The casting worked. And that was probably the most critical aspect as to whether this was going to be a success or a colossal failure. I have to admit that although I grew up in the 80s, I never really watched the original A-Team, so I didn't really have much of a basis for comparison. The character of Murdoch was my favorite. Crazy and very funny. One of the main things I was wondering about going in was how former UFC lightheavyweight champion Quentin "Rampage" Jackson would do filling in Mr. T's shoes as BA Baracus. He did a better than alright job; he was one of the best parts of the movie, in my opinion. Was a mostly believable actor, looked believable in the action scenes and delivered his comedy lines very well. A lot of his scenes elicited big reactions from the audience when I saw the movie.
But let's be realistic. It's a brainless summer action film. And it delivers. I mean, there is a scene where they have a tank battle in mid air. I mean, that's the kind of shit that you don't see every day. I called the ending with Major Dad betraying them about half way through the movie. I don't have to really worry about that being a major spoiler, because maybe about 3 people in the world will get the Major Dad reference.
6.5/10
Toy Story 3
Let's get one thing out of the way right off the bat. This movie was soul crushingly sad. I'm sorry but Pixar, cut the shit. The opening 10 minutes of Up! was heartwrenching enough, but that wasn't enough for you. You need to drag that feeling out over at least 35-40 minutes of this movie.
I can't make this clear enough: I actually thought the toys were going to die. And it made me very, very depressed. I was thinking, what the fuck is going on here? throughout pretty much the entire incinerator "hell" scene. And when they just accepted they were going to die and all held hands in a makeshift prayer circle? What the fuck was that? I mean, seriously! The theater was packed with children!
Also there was the half uplifting/half depressing stuff. Like the entire ending when Andy brought the toys to the new girl. I was fighting back tears the whole time... now, granted, I used to cry at movies all the time but I haven't in years (except Marley and Me. For that I was sobbing on my couch). This almost broke the streak. But it was sad in a very well done way. Very solid film.
The movie is awesome. Obviously. It's a Pixar movie. And they haven't failed yet. Some hilarious parts, like Spanish Buzz, Trixie the dinosaur... Mr Potato head as the tortilla. Some really great stuff in here.
As I posted on Facebook at the time, though, the premise is really flawed. These toys are sentient beings, as has been shown on multiple occasions. They can see and hear even when Andy is in the room. Andy is now going off to college, and they still somehow think he's an innocent child waiting to play with them? Don't any of the producers of this film remember being a male in high school? These toys got to see Andy doing a lot of extra special exercises in that room, I'm sure. Probably 3-4 times a day between the ages of 13-16. So, you know, good for them. I wonder what Buzz Lightyear thought of it, and if he wanted to have an expedition to determine the composition of that substance that Andy had no choice to constantly try to get rid of. I don't know.
So, yeah... Pixar. Toy Story.
10/10.
Knight and Day
Ok, so it's like this. You used to like your one friend. Let's call him John. You were quite fond of John. But somewhere along the way, John got a little too big for his britches... you came home one day and found John having sex with your wife. You don't like John. And you're like, what the hell, John... you used to be so awesome. What happened?So imagine now that a few years pass and you kind of forget about John. But you're still aware that John most definitely pulled your wifes hair and did her really hard from behind. But then you remember that one time he did something hilarious and funny. So you kind of laugh a little bit and say... "Oh, John that loveable scamp. I'll never forgive you for being crazy and having sex with my wife, but we certainly had some good times."
Now imagine that a friend of yours talks you into spending an afternoon watching John have sex with your wife. And not only that, but John is going to pull out all of his special moves. All the ones that you remember fondly. The kind that are going to make you crack a smile and say..."Oh, that John!" Now, you probably don't want any part of this, and why should you? John has done you wrong and you don't trust him. He sexed your wife super super hard! But against your better judgment you go and check out a matinee of John boning your wife (3D showings were sold out).
You get there and you're like... Man, you know what, man, I don't know about this. But because you're my friend and you think I should see this, then I shall see this. And 15 minutes later you're watching the show and you're like... man, John hasn't changed a bit. He's having sex with my wife, which sucks, but he's exactly the same. And I forgot just how awesome that same is. I think I love John.
And he goes through all the John motions. And the next thing you know, he's making John faces and using the John voice. And you're loving every minute of it. 90 minutes later, you kinda almost forget that were even married to this woman and you just want John to be happy. John has that kind of charisma. John could be that guy. You love John. But on your way out of there... you remind yourself that was your wife and John did in face bend her over a coffee table and break some of your favorite china in the process of pleasuring her. You'll never truly forgive him for what he's done. But you still love him.
This is that movie.
9/10.
Continue to Part 2.
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