Sunday, April 19, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Random Thoughts on a Friday are back
It's Friday and it's beautiful out.
- If you ever ask me what my favorite thing in the entire world is, I might give you a few different answers. But the only true answer is summer nights. Even if I forget or slip up or say something else... this is the answer. I love summer nights. They make me so happy. It's probably another month and a half to two months before we have anything that would fit this description but I'm really looking forward to when it happens.
- I own some stock in GE. Today was their quarterly earnings and they beat estimates. Yay? I don't know if that's going to make the stock go up or what. All I know is that individual stock investing is not for me and I need to save up enough money to get a lifecycle fund to just pump money into without thinking too much. It's the investing equivalent of set it and forget it, which is fine with me. The last thing I need is something else to be obsessed with.
- I'm getting my new iPod tomorrow! People don't know what to say when I mention that it's my 5th iPod (w/ the 6th coming this summer in the form of the 3rd gen iPhone). It's a slick tiny blue nano that I got refurbished for $100. Now I can use the Nike+ running apparatus. I already have had the shoes for a year or two - by accident. I asked for the best running shoes for shin splints and that's what the guy gave me. The running doesn't come in to play yet - I'm still just focusing on going to the gym 5 or 6 nights a week, but once it's in the 50s at 6:00 in the morning phase 2 starts, and that includes morning runs. While keeping in the night gym time, and probably a lot of jump rope. I'm dead serious about this, which I guess provides a nice segue into my next point.
- I hate being alone. I don't mind if I have friends around, or whatever, but I have no friends in Syracuse. Who am I kidding? No one from work really gets together to hang out, so really, where am I finding friends? I have been in a relationship for about 70% of my time living in Syracuse so that was pretty much all I have been doing. I know that if I really wanted to be in a relationship again it would take me about a month tops, probably much less than that. Last summer when I was dating I went out with 4 girls in the span of three weeks. But read the last bullet point. I just need to suck it up and deal with this right now, as much as I hate it. I need to do the right thing for me and not the easy thing. It's like everything else I'm trying to accomplish in my life right now - I need to focus on doing the right thing in the long term and not settling for something that will make me feel better right now.
- Did you ever forget about something for a while and then maybe let's say a year later it bothers you? Last August I went on a few dates with this girl and they were two of the best dates of my life. I felt like I was walking on air after the first date and the second one went really well. Too well, if anyone remembers what happened. If only I realized ahead of time that taking things too far would result in her freaking out and not wanting to see me anymore I would have 100% slowed down the train, but I had no prior warning. I mostly forgot about it because the behavior was totally insane (yes I still have the emails) and provided me with many funny stories to tell people. About two weeks later I met someone I ended up spending half a year with, so I completely forgot about it at that point.
When my exgirlfriend Amy and I broke up (and still lived together - hooray for fun times!) we got back together a few times. I don't think any couple that has been together that many years and went through so much together would just end it flat like that. But your mind plays tricks on you. We broke up for reasons, but when you're thinking about it during that period, you only remember the GOOD THINGS. You remember the past and you think about how things were so much fun, and all the great things you did. But when you're looking at the past you tend to ignore all the bad things.
I feel like maybe this situation is like that. You kiss a girl goodnight in your driveway and make plans to go to the NY State Fair on Friday, go to sleep thinking that everything is going a-ok (and didn't you have such a lovely evening), only to wake up and find like a 2000 word essay with the basic gist of "i'm so embarrassed, i can never see you again." That's crazy insane behavior. What is there to look back on fondly? What the hell is wrong with me?
Like I said, I hate being alone.
- If you ever ask me what my favorite thing in the entire world is, I might give you a few different answers. But the only true answer is summer nights. Even if I forget or slip up or say something else... this is the answer. I love summer nights. They make me so happy. It's probably another month and a half to two months before we have anything that would fit this description but I'm really looking forward to when it happens.
- I own some stock in GE. Today was their quarterly earnings and they beat estimates. Yay? I don't know if that's going to make the stock go up or what. All I know is that individual stock investing is not for me and I need to save up enough money to get a lifecycle fund to just pump money into without thinking too much. It's the investing equivalent of set it and forget it, which is fine with me. The last thing I need is something else to be obsessed with.
- I'm getting my new iPod tomorrow! People don't know what to say when I mention that it's my 5th iPod (w/ the 6th coming this summer in the form of the 3rd gen iPhone). It's a slick tiny blue nano that I got refurbished for $100. Now I can use the Nike+ running apparatus. I already have had the shoes for a year or two - by accident. I asked for the best running shoes for shin splints and that's what the guy gave me. The running doesn't come in to play yet - I'm still just focusing on going to the gym 5 or 6 nights a week, but once it's in the 50s at 6:00 in the morning phase 2 starts, and that includes morning runs. While keeping in the night gym time, and probably a lot of jump rope. I'm dead serious about this, which I guess provides a nice segue into my next point.
- I hate being alone. I don't mind if I have friends around, or whatever, but I have no friends in Syracuse. Who am I kidding? No one from work really gets together to hang out, so really, where am I finding friends? I have been in a relationship for about 70% of my time living in Syracuse so that was pretty much all I have been doing. I know that if I really wanted to be in a relationship again it would take me about a month tops, probably much less than that. Last summer when I was dating I went out with 4 girls in the span of three weeks. But read the last bullet point. I just need to suck it up and deal with this right now, as much as I hate it. I need to do the right thing for me and not the easy thing. It's like everything else I'm trying to accomplish in my life right now - I need to focus on doing the right thing in the long term and not settling for something that will make me feel better right now.
- Did you ever forget about something for a while and then maybe let's say a year later it bothers you? Last August I went on a few dates with this girl and they were two of the best dates of my life. I felt like I was walking on air after the first date and the second one went really well. Too well, if anyone remembers what happened. If only I realized ahead of time that taking things too far would result in her freaking out and not wanting to see me anymore I would have 100% slowed down the train, but I had no prior warning. I mostly forgot about it because the behavior was totally insane (yes I still have the emails) and provided me with many funny stories to tell people. About two weeks later I met someone I ended up spending half a year with, so I completely forgot about it at that point.
When my exgirlfriend Amy and I broke up (and still lived together - hooray for fun times!) we got back together a few times. I don't think any couple that has been together that many years and went through so much together would just end it flat like that. But your mind plays tricks on you. We broke up for reasons, but when you're thinking about it during that period, you only remember the GOOD THINGS. You remember the past and you think about how things were so much fun, and all the great things you did. But when you're looking at the past you tend to ignore all the bad things.
I feel like maybe this situation is like that. You kiss a girl goodnight in your driveway and make plans to go to the NY State Fair on Friday, go to sleep thinking that everything is going a-ok (and didn't you have such a lovely evening), only to wake up and find like a 2000 word essay with the basic gist of "i'm so embarrassed, i can never see you again." That's crazy insane behavior. What is there to look back on fondly? What the hell is wrong with me?
Like I said, I hate being alone.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Song of the Week: Canadian Girl
I love this song. Perfect for slow dancing if I find the right lady and occasion in the near future.
So take my hand
The players in the band
They can always find... some number that we know
You will miss me when I'm gone
But the happy music will carry on
You are the morning... I am the night
I was the only one left at the right time
And only I... I still call you mine
And only I... still hanging on.
My special needs child
I previously wrote about what it means to me to have a dog. My dog, Jack, on the other hand, gives me plenty of practice if I ever need to raise a special needs child some day. Yes, on some days, he is that bad.
I got Jack through a rescue foundation based out of Cornell Vet school. My ex-girlfriend, Amy, got me in touch with a woman who had two lab/rottweiler mix puppies that had been abused. This was quite nice of Amy because she was my ex-girlfriend at that time as well. There is something about me that makes everyone wants to be friends after, I don't know...
Anyway, back on track. Two abused puppies. I already covered how I met them and how terrified Jack was (go back and read the past post... I'll wait right here). So while Jack was no bigger than a shoebox some asshole thought it would be a good idea to physically abuse him. When I got him, I did everything I could to socialize him, dog park, hikes, swimming with other dogs, having my friends come over.
At first, I thought I had succeeded in socializing him and making him normal. He was nice to people who came over, he very seldom barked at other people or dogs while we were out at the park. He actually did his training at obedience class and wasn't a holy terror. I was thinking that I "fixed" him.
I was, naturally, 100% wrong.
Jack is a special boy. He'll growl at someone like a normal dog, but Jack will quickly hide between my legs if they get anywhere near him. He'll bark at people out the window, while out for walks (up until he gets tired - then he stops summoning the energy to bark), sometimes at the park, even while sitting in the backseat driving. In over two years, he has never shown one single shred of aggression and I honestly don't think he's capable, but he certainly likes to bark.
Jack will fixate on a spot on the ceiling or wall and stare at it for HOURS. Randomly he'll just bark at it for a little bit. Sometimes I wonder if he can see ghosts or something.
Jack hates unfamiliar places. Even some places he is familiar with, like my mothers. Jack lived with his "grandma" for six weeks last summer while I was in the process of buying my house. I thought that would cure him of being afraid there. No way. He shakes whenever someone comes in the house (my mother gets approximately 500% more visitors than I do), and on multiple occasions I have seen Jack pull off the dog equivalent of shitting his pants. Yes, he was so afraid that poop involuntarily slid out of his butt. I'm not even sure if he realized it.
I'm not sure if it's because Jack is so special that we have such a tight bond or if I would be that way with any affectionate dog. He ran into the street last week, which is the first time that has ever happened. No cars were coming, thank god, because I don't know what I would do if he got hit by a car. I want to make sure that Jack is still kicking around when I'm 35 and have kids (maybe I'll have kids by the time I'm 35? I have 8 more years so I'm guessing yes.) The person who ends up having my kids, though, will have to at least be able to tolerate Jack.
Remember everyone, there are a lot of special dogs like Jack out there in shelters or rescue agencies who need a family and some love. Don't get your dogs from puppy mills! Bad bad bad!!
I got Jack through a rescue foundation based out of Cornell Vet school. My ex-girlfriend, Amy, got me in touch with a woman who had two lab/rottweiler mix puppies that had been abused. This was quite nice of Amy because she was my ex-girlfriend at that time as well. There is something about me that makes everyone wants to be friends after, I don't know...
Anyway, back on track. Two abused puppies. I already covered how I met them and how terrified Jack was (go back and read the past post... I'll wait right here). So while Jack was no bigger than a shoebox some asshole thought it would be a good idea to physically abuse him. When I got him, I did everything I could to socialize him, dog park, hikes, swimming with other dogs, having my friends come over.
At first, I thought I had succeeded in socializing him and making him normal. He was nice to people who came over, he very seldom barked at other people or dogs while we were out at the park. He actually did his training at obedience class and wasn't a holy terror. I was thinking that I "fixed" him.
I was, naturally, 100% wrong.
Jack is a special boy. He'll growl at someone like a normal dog, but Jack will quickly hide between my legs if they get anywhere near him. He'll bark at people out the window, while out for walks (up until he gets tired - then he stops summoning the energy to bark), sometimes at the park, even while sitting in the backseat driving. In over two years, he has never shown one single shred of aggression and I honestly don't think he's capable, but he certainly likes to bark.
Jack will fixate on a spot on the ceiling or wall and stare at it for HOURS. Randomly he'll just bark at it for a little bit. Sometimes I wonder if he can see ghosts or something.
Jack hates unfamiliar places. Even some places he is familiar with, like my mothers. Jack lived with his "grandma" for six weeks last summer while I was in the process of buying my house. I thought that would cure him of being afraid there. No way. He shakes whenever someone comes in the house (my mother gets approximately 500% more visitors than I do), and on multiple occasions I have seen Jack pull off the dog equivalent of shitting his pants. Yes, he was so afraid that poop involuntarily slid out of his butt. I'm not even sure if he realized it.
I'm not sure if it's because Jack is so special that we have such a tight bond or if I would be that way with any affectionate dog. He ran into the street last week, which is the first time that has ever happened. No cars were coming, thank god, because I don't know what I would do if he got hit by a car. I want to make sure that Jack is still kicking around when I'm 35 and have kids (maybe I'll have kids by the time I'm 35? I have 8 more years so I'm guessing yes.) The person who ends up having my kids, though, will have to at least be able to tolerate Jack.
Remember everyone, there are a lot of special dogs like Jack out there in shelters or rescue agencies who need a family and some love. Don't get your dogs from puppy mills! Bad bad bad!!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The Sound of Music
I love music. I don't think you're going to find a human being alive who doesn't like music, but I LOVE music. I listen to it at least a few hours a day, whether it's on my computer while I surf the internet, on my iPod at the gym, on the radio at work.
Whenever we switch radio stations at work it somehow freshens up the day a little bit. It makes all the difference in the world to the people I work with too. They need to know ahead of time if I'm going to be crying out "that's my jam" and turning up the radio every time "Poker Face" comes on (ironically or not - I'm still not sure myself) or silently pumping my first and singing along with Rod Stewart/New Radicals/Mariah Carey on the best of the 80s/90s/today station.
I sometimes fancy myself a bit of a music snob but there is no way that can be 100% accurate for a few reasons.
1) I just can't get in to the supposedly really "cool" bands that all the hipster kids are supposed to like these days like Animal Collective and the like. Don't get me wrong, I love some of these bands like Beirut but in general I don't pass the "cool" test. A real indie hipster douchebag would scoff at me in a heartbeat.
2) They would probably have a heart attack too, for how much I manage to enjoy me some Kelly Clarkson, Lady Gaga, etc. I love trashy songs on the radio! I even kinda like that new Souljah Boy song, "Kiss Me Through the Phone". If I was attempting to be a cool music snob, well, I'm failing miserably.
3) Also, most cool kids don't like the bands I like as much as I like them. Some might acknowledge that The Killers have a few good singles, but I looooove them. So there's that.
Did you know iTunes counts all the times you've played your songs? Most people don't notice or care and lose all of their play counts whenever they switch computers or if you have autosync on your iPod. Not me, I keep those playcounts guarded and try to keep them at all costs. Right now the play counts I have have survived two Mac computers and one dead logic board, which caused an entire reboot of my system. I was able to save the files with my external hard drive (back up your files, kids! bad things can happen!) and keep the play counts by downloading a hack off a website which somehow pulled the play count information from the data files on my iPod and imported them in to iTunes. There were many dorky silent fistpumps on the day this past summer when that was successfully completed.
My most played song of all time? If you really know me, you shouldn't be surprised at all... "This Modern Love" by Bloc Party, which actually is my all-time favorite song (!!) at somewhere around 225 plays (the next closest is somewhere around 180).
Oh, if only I had any talent in my body whatsoever... who knows.
Whenever we switch radio stations at work it somehow freshens up the day a little bit. It makes all the difference in the world to the people I work with too. They need to know ahead of time if I'm going to be crying out "that's my jam" and turning up the radio every time "Poker Face" comes on (ironically or not - I'm still not sure myself) or silently pumping my first and singing along with Rod Stewart/New Radicals/Mariah Carey on the best of the 80s/90s/today station.
I sometimes fancy myself a bit of a music snob but there is no way that can be 100% accurate for a few reasons.
1) I just can't get in to the supposedly really "cool" bands that all the hipster kids are supposed to like these days like Animal Collective and the like. Don't get me wrong, I love some of these bands like Beirut but in general I don't pass the "cool" test. A real indie hipster douchebag would scoff at me in a heartbeat.
2) They would probably have a heart attack too, for how much I manage to enjoy me some Kelly Clarkson, Lady Gaga, etc. I love trashy songs on the radio! I even kinda like that new Souljah Boy song, "Kiss Me Through the Phone". If I was attempting to be a cool music snob, well, I'm failing miserably.
3) Also, most cool kids don't like the bands I like as much as I like them. Some might acknowledge that The Killers have a few good singles, but I looooove them. So there's that.
Did you know iTunes counts all the times you've played your songs? Most people don't notice or care and lose all of their play counts whenever they switch computers or if you have autosync on your iPod. Not me, I keep those playcounts guarded and try to keep them at all costs. Right now the play counts I have have survived two Mac computers and one dead logic board, which caused an entire reboot of my system. I was able to save the files with my external hard drive (back up your files, kids! bad things can happen!) and keep the play counts by downloading a hack off a website which somehow pulled the play count information from the data files on my iPod and imported them in to iTunes. There were many dorky silent fistpumps on the day this past summer when that was successfully completed.
My most played song of all time? If you really know me, you shouldn't be surprised at all... "This Modern Love" by Bloc Party, which actually is my all-time favorite song (!!) at somewhere around 225 plays (the next closest is somewhere around 180).
Oh, if only I had any talent in my body whatsoever... who knows.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Selling gold
I just was home to see my family for Easter. My mom gave me a lot of things, as she typically does. Some of them I welcome with open arms, like toiletries. Stuff you need but don't really like spending money on. I'm very happy when my mom hands me bottles of body wash, or the ever expensive contact solution.
Some of it is holiday dependent and I accept begrudgingly. This is usually food. My mother knows I don't want all this extra food but she gives it to me anyway. This Easter I am in the middle of trying to lose weight so I specifically said no chocolate! She told me not to worry... she just got me a "little bit." It was, no question, 10,000+ calories worth of chocolate. Yeesh.
The oddball thing I got this year was some old gold of mine and a some broken gold pieces to sell back to a jeweler, presumably so they can melt it down and do whatever with it. You know, like cash4gold.com, but not a total scam. So I'll be doing that later.
I actually used to wear gold in high school and college. I wouldn't be caught dead with it now. I also actually used to wear a big gold cross with our own personal lord and savior Jesus Christ on it.
From, you know, back when I believed in that sort of thing.
I'm also going to get Jesus melted down. On the day after Easter.
On the third day he rose from the dead, and on the 4th day I sold him to a jeweler to be processed into melted gold. Praise be to Jesus!
I read online that a good price for gold is $7/gram. Should I ask for $10/gram when trading in the son of the lord?
Some of it is holiday dependent and I accept begrudgingly. This is usually food. My mother knows I don't want all this extra food but she gives it to me anyway. This Easter I am in the middle of trying to lose weight so I specifically said no chocolate! She told me not to worry... she just got me a "little bit." It was, no question, 10,000+ calories worth of chocolate. Yeesh.
The oddball thing I got this year was some old gold of mine and a some broken gold pieces to sell back to a jeweler, presumably so they can melt it down and do whatever with it. You know, like cash4gold.com, but not a total scam. So I'll be doing that later.
I actually used to wear gold in high school and college. I wouldn't be caught dead with it now. I also actually used to wear a big gold cross with our own personal lord and savior Jesus Christ on it.
From, you know, back when I believed in that sort of thing.
I'm also going to get Jesus melted down. On the day after Easter.
On the third day he rose from the dead, and on the 4th day I sold him to a jeweler to be processed into melted gold. Praise be to Jesus!
I read online that a good price for gold is $7/gram. Should I ask for $10/gram when trading in the son of the lord?
Friday, April 10, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
The grass is always greener
When I lived in Australia, there was actually a period in time when I wanted to leave and come back to the United States. Sure - it was probably during the one week when I actually had to pretend I was "studying" abroad and take exams, but the fact remains - I WANTED to LEAVE.
Looking back, this is pure insanity. Within days of being back, after the thrill of being in America for the first time in half a year wore off, I wanted desperately to go back.
And so it's been.
When I lived in North Carolina I wasn't happy for at least half of my time there. I wanted to come back North. I had reasons, which again, in retrospect weren't very good reasons, but that fact remains that a part of me wan't to leave there.
After I decided to come back to NY, I remembered how much I loved North Carolina and part of me didn't want to leave.
After I came back to NY and ever since, I've really wanted to go back. I still do.
So, the question remains. Am I encapable of being happy with the things that I have? Or have I just not found what I'm looking for yet?
I don't like Syracuse very much, and part of me can't wait to get the heck out of here. Don't get me wrong, there are things I like very much. I love my house. It makes me proud and every piece of progress I make on it makes me feel good inside. I sort of like my job (?). I enjoy the dog park, and mostly the people are pretty nice. But overall, the fact that I don't want to stay here for a long period of time isn't too surprising. My original plan when I took the job was to live here for two years and leave. Somehow this got altered and I can't exactly remember why. One thing I know with total clarity is that living in Syracuse, NY is not my life dream.
Now that I have the house, every rational part of me says that I need to be here at least five years. I need to actually have a home for once (I haven't lived in the same place for more than one year since I was 18 - coming up on 10 years)... I need to make sure my house doesn't turn out to be a terrible money losing investment. That's rational thought.
When I really examine my feelings and emotions, do I really want to be here for five years? Five more winters? I have few friends here. The fact that I'm single and also pretty lonely doesn't help, but hopefully that won't last any longer than I want it to. But that's location independent. It doesn't really make any progress answering the fundamental question of, "do i want to be here?"
I still don't know 100%. Most of my friends live in Northeast PA. My family is there. I know hundreds of people there. Makes the most sense, right? Problem is, I don't really want to live there either.
Do I want to go back to Chapel Hill? (sort of) Someplace else? (also intriguing)I don't know! That's the problem.
Every time I come back to the conclusion that Syracuse just isn't for me - I have to wonder, am I ever going to be happy any place that I go? My inclination is to think that I just haven't found what I'm looking for yet, but is that just wishful thinking?
Looking back, this is pure insanity. Within days of being back, after the thrill of being in America for the first time in half a year wore off, I wanted desperately to go back.
And so it's been.
When I lived in North Carolina I wasn't happy for at least half of my time there. I wanted to come back North. I had reasons, which again, in retrospect weren't very good reasons, but that fact remains that a part of me wan't to leave there.
After I decided to come back to NY, I remembered how much I loved North Carolina and part of me didn't want to leave.
After I came back to NY and ever since, I've really wanted to go back. I still do.
So, the question remains. Am I encapable of being happy with the things that I have? Or have I just not found what I'm looking for yet?
I don't like Syracuse very much, and part of me can't wait to get the heck out of here. Don't get me wrong, there are things I like very much. I love my house. It makes me proud and every piece of progress I make on it makes me feel good inside. I sort of like my job (?). I enjoy the dog park, and mostly the people are pretty nice. But overall, the fact that I don't want to stay here for a long period of time isn't too surprising. My original plan when I took the job was to live here for two years and leave. Somehow this got altered and I can't exactly remember why. One thing I know with total clarity is that living in Syracuse, NY is not my life dream.
Now that I have the house, every rational part of me says that I need to be here at least five years. I need to actually have a home for once (I haven't lived in the same place for more than one year since I was 18 - coming up on 10 years)... I need to make sure my house doesn't turn out to be a terrible money losing investment. That's rational thought.
When I really examine my feelings and emotions, do I really want to be here for five years? Five more winters? I have few friends here. The fact that I'm single and also pretty lonely doesn't help, but hopefully that won't last any longer than I want it to. But that's location independent. It doesn't really make any progress answering the fundamental question of, "do i want to be here?"
I still don't know 100%. Most of my friends live in Northeast PA. My family is there. I know hundreds of people there. Makes the most sense, right? Problem is, I don't really want to live there either.
Do I want to go back to Chapel Hill? (sort of) Someplace else? (also intriguing)I don't know! That's the problem.
Every time I come back to the conclusion that Syracuse just isn't for me - I have to wonder, am I ever going to be happy any place that I go? My inclination is to think that I just haven't found what I'm looking for yet, but is that just wishful thinking?
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
yay!
Yes!
This helps me to not be suicical when it's snowing in the damn near middle of April.
So happy. :)
Monday, April 6, 2009
It's hard not to think what if...
There's no practical sense in having regrets in life. What happened happened and there's nothing you can do to change the past.
With North Carolina playing for the championship tonight, it brings back the only regret I have in my life. I'd give anything to be in Chapel Hill tonight when Carolina takes on Michigan St. for the NCAA championship. And I still would be if I hadn't left the program to transfer back to Cornell in 2005.
Even worse, I'd be two months away from getting my Phd.
It's hard not to think about the what ifs and maybes associated with this scenario. I'd have an entirely different life, in both positive and negative ways.
When I originally moved to Chapel Hill I wasn't very happy. I didn't have a car. I missed Amy (my girlfriend at the time) and I felt like alot of my friends were in to different things then I was. After my adviser informed me she was leaving the University in January or February of 2005, I myself started making plans to leave. I got a car in March and after that I was in love with Chapel Hill, but it was too late. I already had made finalized plans to come back to Ithaca. Oops.
At the time there wasn't a doubt in my mind that I made the right decision. I was coming back to Ithaca, I would get my degree from a tougher, more respected institution and I was probably going to marry the girl I was coming back for.
The years have borne out the fact that this doesn't go according to plan. At all.
If I never left Carolina I still would have ended up in the same place in regards to my situation with Amy - apart. I might have met someone else there and been happy, instead of seemingly just drifting through relationships to pass the time that don't even seem to affect me when they are over with. Then again - that might just be wishful thinking.
I might still be on my track to be Dr. Walsh in two months. That would be nice. Although in the career department, things haven't gone horribly. I have a decent job, despite the fact that I am considered lower than dirt in the company infrastructure. I get paid well. Well enough to own a home and afford some things. If I never left Carolina I'd still be dirt poor and own nothing. It's impossible to speculate how my salary would be affected long term, so I just won't even bother.
On the major negative side, I wouldn't have Jack. I might have ended up with another dog but who knows. All I know is that I'm glad I have Jack and I wouldn't if I was still there.
It's best not to think about things that might have been, but this truly is the ONLY regret I have in the course of my entire life.
Despite the fact that I won't be there tonight, I'll still be glued to the TV tonight hoping Carolina pulls off another national championship.
GO TARHEELS!
With North Carolina playing for the championship tonight, it brings back the only regret I have in my life. I'd give anything to be in Chapel Hill tonight when Carolina takes on Michigan St. for the NCAA championship. And I still would be if I hadn't left the program to transfer back to Cornell in 2005.
Even worse, I'd be two months away from getting my Phd.
It's hard not to think about the what ifs and maybes associated with this scenario. I'd have an entirely different life, in both positive and negative ways.
When I originally moved to Chapel Hill I wasn't very happy. I didn't have a car. I missed Amy (my girlfriend at the time) and I felt like alot of my friends were in to different things then I was. After my adviser informed me she was leaving the University in January or February of 2005, I myself started making plans to leave. I got a car in March and after that I was in love with Chapel Hill, but it was too late. I already had made finalized plans to come back to Ithaca. Oops.
At the time there wasn't a doubt in my mind that I made the right decision. I was coming back to Ithaca, I would get my degree from a tougher, more respected institution and I was probably going to marry the girl I was coming back for.
The years have borne out the fact that this doesn't go according to plan. At all.
If I never left Carolina I still would have ended up in the same place in regards to my situation with Amy - apart. I might have met someone else there and been happy, instead of seemingly just drifting through relationships to pass the time that don't even seem to affect me when they are over with. Then again - that might just be wishful thinking.
I might still be on my track to be Dr. Walsh in two months. That would be nice. Although in the career department, things haven't gone horribly. I have a decent job, despite the fact that I am considered lower than dirt in the company infrastructure. I get paid well. Well enough to own a home and afford some things. If I never left Carolina I'd still be dirt poor and own nothing. It's impossible to speculate how my salary would be affected long term, so I just won't even bother.
On the major negative side, I wouldn't have Jack. I might have ended up with another dog but who knows. All I know is that I'm glad I have Jack and I wouldn't if I was still there.
It's best not to think about things that might have been, but this truly is the ONLY regret I have in the course of my entire life.
Despite the fact that I won't be there tonight, I'll still be glued to the TV tonight hoping Carolina pulls off another national championship.
GO TARHEELS!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
There are other worlds then these
I just finished Stephen King's seven part epic series, The Dark Tower. It took me 5 and 1/2 months.
There were sections where I wasn't 100% confident in the direction that the story was taking, and I thought that writing himself into the story was the ultimate in writer-sucking-own-dick vanity, but overall it's a very strong work. The characters are likable and believable, the fantasy aspects are entertaining, and the whole idea of "other worlds" running in parallel is fascinating if you think about it.
But overall - it's all about Roland. Roland, as a hero, is definitely someone you want to get behind. I told a friend and coworker of mine after Eddie and Jake died at some point in the 7th book that I felt that Roland had to make it to the tower himself. It's funny how the writing influenced my opinion, shifting it and shaping it so that I felt that Roland alone was meant to make it to the tower. That ended up being what had to happen in the story as well.
The ending is apt but also somewhat confusing. How does the loop affect all of the other characters? Are they going to end up back in the story again and again as well? I suppose after writing the story for 34 years spanning multiple thousands of pages it would have been extremely difficult to write an ending that pleased everyone. I was happy with how it turned out.
So go on then, there are other worlds then these.
There were sections where I wasn't 100% confident in the direction that the story was taking, and I thought that writing himself into the story was the ultimate in writer-sucking-own-dick vanity, but overall it's a very strong work. The characters are likable and believable, the fantasy aspects are entertaining, and the whole idea of "other worlds" running in parallel is fascinating if you think about it.
But overall - it's all about Roland. Roland, as a hero, is definitely someone you want to get behind. I told a friend and coworker of mine after Eddie and Jake died at some point in the 7th book that I felt that Roland had to make it to the tower himself. It's funny how the writing influenced my opinion, shifting it and shaping it so that I felt that Roland alone was meant to make it to the tower. That ended up being what had to happen in the story as well.
The ending is apt but also somewhat confusing. How does the loop affect all of the other characters? Are they going to end up back in the story again and again as well? I suppose after writing the story for 34 years spanning multiple thousands of pages it would have been extremely difficult to write an ending that pleased everyone. I was happy with how it turned out.
So go on then, there are other worlds then these.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Personal finance dilemma: To go to LA or not to go to LA
Studies have shown that people who are serious about their finances tend to regret big purchases or vacations immediately after making the purchase or incurring the expense. Logic dicates that someone who is very serious about saving and putting money away to secure their financial future doesn't want to part with the money or to treat themself.
The same studies show that as years go by, people tend to feel the opposite. Which is to say, three years down the road people still do not regret spending $1000 to go on vacation. Instead, they regret if they DIDN'T go.
People feel guilty for enjoying themselves in the moment, but feel guilty for not enjoying themselves over the long term.
Until I became serious about my finances, my attitude in every situation was that you only live once. Do this now because you won't regret it when you look back on your life. I still feel this way to some extent.
Over the 4th of July this year all of my friends from college will be hanging out in Los Angeles. I've seen them all relatively recently for a wedding in NYC last year, but is once every few years enough really? I tend to think that's it's not. I'd love nothing more than to go out there for a few days over the holiday, to see everyone, catch up, and just have a good time. On top of that, I've never been to Los Angeles (I've been to LAX on my way to Australia but that doesn't count). I really, REALLY, want to go.
On the other hand, $500 for a plane ticket, $80-100 kennel costs to board Jack, $200+ for a missed day of work - that adds up. The $800-1000 I would spend going to Los Angeles could REALLY come in handy in other parts of my life. I'm still trying to get my finances together, build my savings, and get my house in order.
I find this to be an incredibly difficult decision.
Right now I'm leaning towards the following plan of action:
1) Take this opportunity, now, and this time only, to not go. Pay off the bills, establish the savings, get the house together. You miss one great time, but it's certainly not the last one.
2) Make sure that this doesn't happen again. I know for a fact this is what I want out of life. I want to be able to pick up and go across country (or globe) on a few months notice and have the money to do it. This is important to me. This is the type of financial independence I am striving for, ESPECIALLY before I have children. That's why it's critical that right now I get everything together and make sure that I don't miss the next trip, or the next trip, or the inevitable flood of weddings that are sure to come in to my life in the next few years.
This might mark the first time I've denied myself something I want so much but it's important in the long run. I want to make sure this doesn't happen again and I need to establish this base now. Making difficult decisions is never fun. :(
(GO UNC!!!)
The same studies show that as years go by, people tend to feel the opposite. Which is to say, three years down the road people still do not regret spending $1000 to go on vacation. Instead, they regret if they DIDN'T go.
People feel guilty for enjoying themselves in the moment, but feel guilty for not enjoying themselves over the long term.
Until I became serious about my finances, my attitude in every situation was that you only live once. Do this now because you won't regret it when you look back on your life. I still feel this way to some extent.
Over the 4th of July this year all of my friends from college will be hanging out in Los Angeles. I've seen them all relatively recently for a wedding in NYC last year, but is once every few years enough really? I tend to think that's it's not. I'd love nothing more than to go out there for a few days over the holiday, to see everyone, catch up, and just have a good time. On top of that, I've never been to Los Angeles (I've been to LAX on my way to Australia but that doesn't count). I really, REALLY, want to go.
On the other hand, $500 for a plane ticket, $80-100 kennel costs to board Jack, $200+ for a missed day of work - that adds up. The $800-1000 I would spend going to Los Angeles could REALLY come in handy in other parts of my life. I'm still trying to get my finances together, build my savings, and get my house in order.
I find this to be an incredibly difficult decision.
Right now I'm leaning towards the following plan of action:
1) Take this opportunity, now, and this time only, to not go. Pay off the bills, establish the savings, get the house together. You miss one great time, but it's certainly not the last one.
2) Make sure that this doesn't happen again. I know for a fact this is what I want out of life. I want to be able to pick up and go across country (or globe) on a few months notice and have the money to do it. This is important to me. This is the type of financial independence I am striving for, ESPECIALLY before I have children. That's why it's critical that right now I get everything together and make sure that I don't miss the next trip, or the next trip, or the inevitable flood of weddings that are sure to come in to my life in the next few years.
This might mark the first time I've denied myself something I want so much but it's important in the long run. I want to make sure this doesn't happen again and I need to establish this base now. Making difficult decisions is never fun. :(
(GO UNC!!!)
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Mike's Embarrassing Moments: The "Chris Rock tickets"
This is something that can be filed under "mildly embarrassing", but I don't think it's too much of a stretch to include it under this subheading.
I'm going to take you back to a magical place and time. Yes - we're back in the year 2000. My freshman year of college. It's an important time in a lot of people's lives, getting away from home... finding out who you are. You don't have anyone watching over your every move. It's pretty much the greatest year in any teenagers life.
This scenario is much different now then it was then. Now by the time kids make it to their dorm assignment they are already friends with 150 other incoming freshmen on Facebook. Let me tell you something crazy - Facebook didn't even exist until my senior year of college! And even then it was only for Ivy League schools! So yes, I had Facebook when it started off but it was just me and the rest of my superdork, world-beating friends. To this day I still access my Facebook account the old way, by going to cornell.facebook.com, and not just regular old Facebook. I'm oldschool like the old school. But this isn't about that.
This is about how different life was. Cell phone? Ha. I had a phone in my dorm. I was late to the cell phone party but even then I'd say only about 15-25% of kids had one. iTunes? No way. How about Napster when it was still totally illegal and awesome? I was so out of touch that in my first semester of college, I didn't even bother getting the T1 internet because I was perfectly happy with dial-up. WHAT? Remember that modem sound?
The internet was much, much different then it is today. These are times we won't ever see again. Heck, amazon.com just sold books.
But let's be honest, the main focus of the internet now and then and always is porn. To make one thing clear right off the bat, I can not stand regular porn (and by that I don't mean I'm in to weird stuff because I'm definitely not! I refuse to watch anything gross). Any time some bleached blonde thing with giant fake boobs is fake-moaning her way through getting plowed by some meathead with no body hair while she looks bored out of her mind... I'm not even remotely interested. I hate that stuff! Hate it! You might be surprised but this puts me in the strict, strict minority.
So, let's not forget, we are back in 2000 and I am out on my own for the first time. First time with a bank account, all that happy stuff. I'm also an 18 year old male, so let's be realistic here... I'm looking for porn. (And ladies, let's just be realistic here...any man you know, ANY man is looking for porn on the internet. Your boyfriend is not different. Don't kid yourself. He's a man and he's looking. This probably also includes your dad. Sorry!)
So I decide that I'm a fool and I'd like to soon be parted with my money. Now to pick a site which is going to get my $29.99. This is a big purchase for me, are you kidding? Now keep in mind that the internet is not nearly as varied then as it is now and I want nothing to do with this manufactured porn. This was before all the reality sites sprung up. So I settled on one that was out there just because I wanted normal looking girls that I might happen to pick up at some random party.
But there's always a catch, right?
The site...amateurfacials.com. I'm not sure if it still exists. You can check it out if you want.
My friends found out about this and for YEARS teased me about being in to that sort of thing. But the truth is, I'm not. I've never asked, nor will I ask someone to do that. I've never actually done it (well, close but accidentally),and It's just not something I'm in to. Keep in mind that I still hear stuff about this 9 years later. I just wanted the normal looking girls!
Now you might be wondering where does Chris Rock come in to play? Well, along with the freedom of being an 18 year old male with your first bank account comes having a mother who tracks what you're spending your money on. Ruh roh.
I forgot all about it and a month later I get a phone call from my mother asking me what such and such charge was. Now, luckily, they mask the charge. Because to this day I don't think I'm prepared for my mother calling me up and even saying or mentioning beautiful amateurs getting a facial. Even still, I had no idea what to say. I'm on the phone umming and uhhing while I think of something and finally I blurt out, "Oh, Chris Rock came here! I bought tickets. It was so funny!"
Not so bad, right? Except my mother proceeded to tell just about EVERYONE SHE KNEW that I went to see Chris Rock and for maybe a whole year family friends and relatives would be asking me about the time I went to see Chris Rock. I had to make up some stories and some jokes and I think I passed it off ok, but it got dicey in parts.
The lessons here
1) When I was 18 I was stupid enough to pay for porn on the internet.
2) I absolutely can not watch any porn with a real "porn star" in it. I feel like you needed to know this. It annoys me more than anything and I'm not really sure that's the point.
3) I'm not in to facials, despite what some scurrious gentlemen would have you believe
4) I never saw Chris Rock in person, although I wish I have. The money would have been 30x better spent on the lie than the truth.
5) People still laugh about this story 10 years later. I don't think it's the funniest thing ever myself but I can spin the story to make it a bit more interesting.
They were simpler times!
I'm going to take you back to a magical place and time. Yes - we're back in the year 2000. My freshman year of college. It's an important time in a lot of people's lives, getting away from home... finding out who you are. You don't have anyone watching over your every move. It's pretty much the greatest year in any teenagers life.
This scenario is much different now then it was then. Now by the time kids make it to their dorm assignment they are already friends with 150 other incoming freshmen on Facebook. Let me tell you something crazy - Facebook didn't even exist until my senior year of college! And even then it was only for Ivy League schools! So yes, I had Facebook when it started off but it was just me and the rest of my superdork, world-beating friends. To this day I still access my Facebook account the old way, by going to cornell.facebook.com, and not just regular old Facebook. I'm oldschool like the old school. But this isn't about that.
This is about how different life was. Cell phone? Ha. I had a phone in my dorm. I was late to the cell phone party but even then I'd say only about 15-25% of kids had one. iTunes? No way. How about Napster when it was still totally illegal and awesome? I was so out of touch that in my first semester of college, I didn't even bother getting the T1 internet because I was perfectly happy with dial-up. WHAT? Remember that modem sound?
The internet was much, much different then it is today. These are times we won't ever see again. Heck, amazon.com just sold books.
But let's be honest, the main focus of the internet now and then and always is porn. To make one thing clear right off the bat, I can not stand regular porn (and by that I don't mean I'm in to weird stuff because I'm definitely not! I refuse to watch anything gross). Any time some bleached blonde thing with giant fake boobs is fake-moaning her way through getting plowed by some meathead with no body hair while she looks bored out of her mind... I'm not even remotely interested. I hate that stuff! Hate it! You might be surprised but this puts me in the strict, strict minority.
So, let's not forget, we are back in 2000 and I am out on my own for the first time. First time with a bank account, all that happy stuff. I'm also an 18 year old male, so let's be realistic here... I'm looking for porn. (And ladies, let's just be realistic here...any man you know, ANY man is looking for porn on the internet. Your boyfriend is not different. Don't kid yourself. He's a man and he's looking. This probably also includes your dad. Sorry!)
So I decide that I'm a fool and I'd like to soon be parted with my money. Now to pick a site which is going to get my $29.99. This is a big purchase for me, are you kidding? Now keep in mind that the internet is not nearly as varied then as it is now and I want nothing to do with this manufactured porn. This was before all the reality sites sprung up. So I settled on one that was out there just because I wanted normal looking girls that I might happen to pick up at some random party.
But there's always a catch, right?
The site...amateurfacials.com. I'm not sure if it still exists. You can check it out if you want.
My friends found out about this and for YEARS teased me about being in to that sort of thing. But the truth is, I'm not. I've never asked, nor will I ask someone to do that. I've never actually done it (well, close but accidentally),and It's just not something I'm in to. Keep in mind that I still hear stuff about this 9 years later. I just wanted the normal looking girls!
Now you might be wondering where does Chris Rock come in to play? Well, along with the freedom of being an 18 year old male with your first bank account comes having a mother who tracks what you're spending your money on. Ruh roh.
I forgot all about it and a month later I get a phone call from my mother asking me what such and such charge was. Now, luckily, they mask the charge. Because to this day I don't think I'm prepared for my mother calling me up and even saying or mentioning beautiful amateurs getting a facial. Even still, I had no idea what to say. I'm on the phone umming and uhhing while I think of something and finally I blurt out, "Oh, Chris Rock came here! I bought tickets. It was so funny!"
Not so bad, right? Except my mother proceeded to tell just about EVERYONE SHE KNEW that I went to see Chris Rock and for maybe a whole year family friends and relatives would be asking me about the time I went to see Chris Rock. I had to make up some stories and some jokes and I think I passed it off ok, but it got dicey in parts.
The lessons here
1) When I was 18 I was stupid enough to pay for porn on the internet.
2) I absolutely can not watch any porn with a real "porn star" in it. I feel like you needed to know this. It annoys me more than anything and I'm not really sure that's the point.
3) I'm not in to facials, despite what some scurrious gentlemen would have you believe
4) I never saw Chris Rock in person, although I wish I have. The money would have been 30x better spent on the lie than the truth.
5) People still laugh about this story 10 years later. I don't think it's the funniest thing ever myself but I can spin the story to make it a bit more interesting.
They were simpler times!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)