and now we shut it down

Ok, this was fun.

But because we (me) can't have nice things, it's time to contain my narcissism and oversharing to Facebook for awhile.

If I'm being honest, I know the reason why I still write this after two years, and it's not a good or healthy reason. The characters may change, but the way they fuel me never does. Same reason I do public speaking, just a different audience. So, why not channel it? I'm working on an idea in my head for a story and unlike most of my other stupid ideas - I've actually run this one by other people... and they seem to like it. So, we'll see. I've taken on way too many "resolutions" so to speak, but why not?

Not to mention, the blog has lead to nothing but trouble over the last few months, in a variety of forms... so let's cool it down, a bit.

I think my last two posts (minus the coat post) were a good way to go on a suspended hiatus. Back in Feb/March probably. Don't forget to check out my 365, which I am still working on...

productivity at work

No one is at work this week, but you know... I'm there. None of this could have been possible without Patrick. This was a lot harder then it may at first appear. Don't love the picture, but I didn't feel like trying it another 15 times... best we could do with a crappy iPhone camera, I guess.

boo gilt

Was going to post that Gilt had a sweet deal on winter coats today (I got a triple lined Columbia coat for $99) because I wanted the $25 referral fees, but now I see they've changed their policy to free shipping for every 10 referrals! Holy crap. The cost of a referral just went from $25 to about $0.60. Glad I got like $150 worth of free clothes when I did.

You still sell me very nice clothes and I can never stop loving you for that. Never ever.

2010 in review...

Last week I gave a very brief synopsis of why I'm kind of excited for 2011, but here's a quick recap of 2010. Everything here is straight off the top of my head. I'm probably forgetting some things, but I guess if this is what I remember then it was what was most memorable.

January: Start the year off with a bang by having the flu on New Year's Eve, surrounded by what appeared to be all delicious food that I couldn't eat. I tried a little and almost puked all over. Get some cat allergies going at the same time. Really rang in the New Year. Not the most memorable month. Went on a five small meals a day diet... lost 15 pounds without exercising. Gave it up at the end of the month because it was too hard. Remember very clearly when I said screw it; a Syracuse Crunch game where I had nachos and enjoyed every bite. I had a lot of fun at the game - there was a fight and we had good tickets. Worked the money booth at the Syracuse game with Marissa - had fun doing that.

February: Very nice Valentine's Day at Lemongrass. Very nice 28th Birthday at the Casino, with Brazilian steakhouse, and I won $600! Get $4000 back on my tax return, spend $0 because I'm still afraid I'm going to be unemployed soon. Spend the whole month working crazy overtime due to being the lead in our group on a manufacturing investigation. Get a lot of recognition (and money - because I was still hourly and overtime is 1.5x). Rush Jack to the vet after Marissa notices spots in his eyes and I freak the F out. Vet says they are lipid deposits and they are harmless but he will have them forever (they are now gone).

March: Get my new job! Yay! No more work stress. Big raise, start a 401k. Become a big boy, finally (owning a house for 2 years wasn't enough). Take a week off between jobs, spend the entire time eating bar food and drinking with Bob and the boys. Get to Scranton just in time for the parade, which I was really looking forward to, but Bob and I have a terrible time. We get there too late and everyone was already hammered - and we were not appropriately dressed for the cold. Start spending all the money I've saved up for months and months. Start with some artwork at a charity auction. Redo the living room and upstairs hallway in tan with the red accent wall going up the staircase. Also buy a new refrigerator and dishwasher. Go see the Cornell University Big Red play the only meaningful basketball game they've ever played in my life, losing to Kentucky in the Sweet 16. Have a giant smile on my face for days just thinking about it.

April: I don't remember much of April. I spent the best superfluous $300 I've ever spent on Dr. Dre Beats headphones, which I still use just about every single day. Get a new bed set, update all the curtains upstairs, getting rid of the previous owners hideous tan blinds in the bedroom. Repaint the bathroom. Get a new dining room table and light fixture. Repaint the dining room sage green. Break in at my new job.

May: Go see Stephen Strasburg pitch twice at the Chiefs. He gives up 1 hit over 2 games, strikes out about 15 and looks like a man playing with middle schoolers. Go on a lot of hiking trips/expeditions with Marissa, including Ithaca for Memorial Day. We spend a lot of time buying flowers, which she graciously plants for me all over. My neighbors finally stop hating me. Get my patio door installed after nearly 2 years of looking at space on a wall and wishing it were there! Spend the entire day of installation with Jack, at Green Lakes. Copious amounts of jailbait in bikinis swarm Jack and tell me what a pretty dog he is. I try to be polite and only stare a certain amount as to not get arrested. Spend an entire day (11am to 8pm straight) staining the deck. Assemble my deck swing and relax. :)

June: I don't remember June? Got a kiddie pool for Jack. He hated it. It was used once. That's all I remember?

July: 5 days in Los Angeles. Have In-N-Out burger for the first time - find it lives up to the hype. Reunite with the Pacific Ocean after 8 painful years. Lay on the floor at 1am while still in LA and realize I need to break up with my girlfriend - do so in not the best way. Come to realize that LA traffic is as bad as advertised. Bob and Gorzo visit. I win $600 at the Casino for the 2nd straight visit. We have a crazy night drinking downtown and end up with some bridal party. Mom finally visits. She buys me lots more flowers. I remember this being a very busy and hectic month. Foolishly restart this blog.

August: Spend way too much money drafting fantasy football teams. Have the absolute craziest night of my life at the fantasy football draft in PA. The next day we all gather around and nearly die laughing looking at all the pictures on my camera. Become way too accustomed to half day Friday summer hours at work. See lots and lots of movies. Be lazy.

September: Initiate a 6 month, $500 weight loss challenge with one of my best friends. Promptly lose 10 pounds. Get new glasses. Buy a treadmill. Rearrange my office. Watch my coworker Patrick eat the 6 pound frittata at Mother's Cupboard after the Syracuse edition of Man vs. Food airs. Enter and win a public speaking contest. Become mildly obsessed with Kanye West. Spend every Sunday parked in front of the TV watching football.

October: Attend a Halloween party dressed as a cock-block, get a pretty good reception. Have a pretty quiet, boring month, with a lot more football. Exercise a bit more, but lose pretty much no weight. Get a new dryer. Enter and win two more public speaking contests - making it all the way to the championship round in Rochester. Decide to start growing my hair out - for real this time.

November: Have an eventful Thanksgiving when my mom tells my aunt to go fuck herself at dinner. Have a good vacation week home, including bar trivia - my most favorite. Have my mind explode when Kat Dennings releases naked pictures to the internet. Compete in the championship round of a public speaking contest, talking in front of approximately 150 people. The speech gets a great reaction but I do not win. Most of the month is lost, due to me losing my mind.

December: Buried in snow. Shovel every day for two weeks. Buy a new watch. Have a nice Christmas, make my mom very happy with her bracelet. Start a soul crushing 3 month workout routine that will surely punish my despicable procrastinating soul. Set my own world record for most respect loss for a person in the shortest amount of time. Later find out that it is me who is the idiot. Set to close out the year at a New Year's party that will hopefully have no cats and/or stomach flues.

Really, really up and down year for me, but I guess overall pretty positive.

why

I like egg whites at night.

I like using the perfect pushup paddles.

I like running (although much more outdoors).

Why don't I do it every day?

Why does this have to be a big deal?

weeeeeeeeeee

So, it's 3pm. My entire hallway is EMPTY. It's just me and Patrick. And he needs to be here because he's paid by the hour. I should have taken this week off instead of last week. But there is work to be done on the diet and exercise front! I've already started logging all of my calories using FoodScan on my iPhone and it's easy and kinda fun. I'm at 786 currently, which is sorta bad news because I'm gunning for 2000 a day and I'm not sure I'm going to make it.

I was slightly nervous yesterday because the fun is now over for a time and I'm out of shape and I have a lot of work to do exercise-wise... starting tonight. Boo-urns.

Add that to havin' your head asplode just before bed, then calling to tell your friend some crazy news, and he responds with some other potentially crazy news (that pertains to me!) and needless to say I was tossing and turning a little bit. I was so amped last night that Jack was woken up from a nap to be played with... which pretty much never happens.

I tried to read, but that wasn't working. I'm reading The Corrections, currently, the 2001 novel by Jonathan Franzen, and wow. It's these kind of novels that make me realize that I can never write like that. You read some popular fiction and think, oh yes, I can totally do that. This, this I can never do. So good, so layered, so complex. The book sat on my nightstand unread for almost two weeks because I wasn't crazy about the first chapter, but luckily I had some slow spots on my vacation - because wow! Shaping up to be one of my very favorite books.

But anyway, I manage to drift to sleep at like 12:30 (maybe?) and then I was awake again at 3. I tossed and turned all night and finally woke up for good at 4:30. While laying in bed and staring at the wall during this time, I saw perhaps the cutest thing ever. Jack, after a week at my mom's, is always in dire need of some rest. He spends the entire time there thinking that the puppy deathsquad is just around the corner and he's just a wreck. He slept the whole way home, 90% of the day, and was instantly snoring when I went to bed. Around 4:00... he is snoring quite loudly, but suddenly he gets up. Stretches allllllll the way back like he's going to howl (so much that he's almost kinda grunting), does 3 circles, lays back down and conks back out. Snoring again instantly. From snore to snore was 30 seconds max. It was all very cute. I miss these things when I happen to be asleep myself.

So I get out of bed at 4:30... set to writing something that was on my mind. Took a fair bit of time. I had the brilliant idea to brew 8 cups of coffee (Starbucks French Roast - EXTRA bold) instead of my normal 4. 4 I can handle. 8... apparently I can not. I got to work, and was 95% positive I was going to vomit. I had to walk around to make it go away, and eventually once the caffeine dissipated, I was fine. I was thinking that I was going to be a zombie come mid day, but I'm wide awake! It's almost time to go home. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

This has been my super terrific interesting day.

here's to 2011

I feel really good about 2011. For some reason that I can't quite put my finger on, I just feel that it's going to be the best year of my life. I've never felt that before. Maybe I'm misguided and it won't be - but I just feel it. 2009 and 2010 were both hit and miss for me. In 2009 I had all my finances in order and was in amazing shape, but was stressed out about work and impending unemployment all the time. 2010 saw a lot of debt (which is fine because I did something I really wanted to d0) and me completely out of shape, but on the plus side I have a solid and safe job. Also, considering all factors, I got a nearly $15,000 raise this year. So that's always positive.

So let's take the best of 2009 + the best of 2010 and make the best year ever, right?

What are some of the things I'm excited about?

January to March: Going to get in shape, which is something I've maybe finally learned is something you do and not talk about. Yes, I understand that I'm talking about it now, but it's action time. There's a great theory/idea about changing people's behavior and basically what it amounts to is that you can show someone the way they are incorrect and the correct way a million times, but they won't take any action until they are ready. I am ready. And it's about time. And besides, it's not like I haven't done it before.

Same time-frame; it's money time. I've been kind of looking forward to this all year. Between tax return and bonus in February and March, I should be able to take care of some of the things I've needed to take care of for a bit.

April: I'm planning on getting surgery in April to get rid of this giant cyst in my back. Doesn't sound like something to be excited about, but for someone like me with a minor case of OCD... it's for the best. My coworkers yell at me all the time when they catch me rolling it around in my hand at work! They don't even realize that I'm worse at home. It's gotta go! I'm slightly nervous to get operated on (first surgery!), but luckily it only requires local anesthetic and maybe I'll even get some vicodin out of the deal. :) Also, my insurance covers 100%, which is a plus.

July: Back to Los Angeles, most likely, and that's always something to look forward to.

Late Summer: We're trying to get a trip together to go to Outer Banks and rent out one of this giant houses. I'm really hoping we can make this happen.

I think that 2010 is going to be a year of great change and growth for me. I've already mentioned that I'm going to try to capture it, 365 photos at a time. It's kind of nuts that I'm going to be staring down 30 by the end of the year, but I hope by that time I'm fully comfortable with where I'm at in life and everything that's going down. There were always a few things I wanted to do by the time I'm 30, and maybe I won't have a BMW or a Lexus, but if I'm financially secure and in great shape, then that will be enough for me.

A nice girl wouldn't hurt either.

Merry Christmas to everyone who reads this. I hope you get everything you are hoping for. :)

"See" you in a week.

better enjoy this week

I'm officially on vacation now, which is nice. My last vacation of 2010, which I suppose it would have to be. 2011 brings 19 days off, which will be nice. Still hoping to finalize how those days will be spent.

But after the vacation, that's when the fun starts. December 27th starts my running program and diet. Lifting program starts the following week. All are going to run through March 21st, with the running and lifting hopefully lasting through the year. As of now I'm shooting for a full year of races, starting in the spring. Active.com has a nice selection of small little 5Ks around the area, and I'm shooting for the Boilermaker in July, the Arc of Onondaga half marathon in September and the first annual Syracuse half-marathon (in conjunction with the first annual Syracuse FULL marathon) in October. This will get me through most of the year. I want to be in outstanding shape for my 30th birthday, which is unfortunately only 14 months away. :(

beep beep narcissist coming through

I looked back on 2010 and thought... you know what? I wasn't as much of a narcissist as I could be. How can I fix that in 2011?

This is how.

I've wanted to do this off/on for a bit and 2011 is the perfect time. If only I had started in October. I don't even look like the same person now as I did in October and that's pretty much a unanimous decision. Now that my hair is well grown in, it's just WEIRD. But I'm growing my hair out until March, cutting it, etc. Also, I plan on losing a Jack's worth of weight next year. So, big things. Big changes. Good way to commemorate, notice.

Just another way to talk about myself (in a sense, there will be no words). :)

did the middle class finally catch a break?

The decrease in social security tax from 6.2% to 4.2% for 2011 nets $1000 cash in pocket for every $50,000 you make as an individual.

Yay.

Although I support a lot of what has been happening lately, for ONCE I feel like something the government is doing will DIRECTLY benefit me.

Just also found out at work that we will be getting performance based raises shortly with the increase to start 4/1. Come on 6%!

oh i'm still living at the old address

Perfect winter song. And I love it so dearly. I have a lot to say about the New Year, but I'll save it for closer. I have very strong feelings about 2011.

maybe, just maybe

Stranger things have happened.

you'll learn, baby, you'll learn

I saw what I believe to be my favorite episode of "The Office" in syndication yesterday. It's called "The Chump" and it centers on Michael being the "other man" and slowly losing his mind over this fact.

Michael: Do you think this husband is a super sweet nice guy? Do you think he's an angel? I don't think so. Why is his wife going off and having a little something-something with me? There has to be a problem with him.
Andy: In any cheating movie, the person getting cheated on is the hero. You're Ali Larter, I'm Beyonce.
Michael: I am Beyonce always.

Always.

Side note: The whole throwing Woody in the trash scene from this week's, culminating with Michael blurting out..."I don't know, funny, because it would be a funny story to tell our children one day," while EVERYONE groans at the same time was tremendous. Great scene.

the darkness is gone

I still love Dexter even though the season finale this year ended like a lot of my dates... (without a climax - 'sup girls?)

I came to realize over the course of this season that Julia Stiles looks kinda like a prettier version of one of my ex-gfs, so there's always that. I groaned when I saw she was gonna be on the show, but she kind of did an awesome job this year as Lumen.

Where to next season? They wrapped up all the potential plot lines. I'm hearing (from my industry sources, aka the internets) that next season is probably the last one... so I'm kinda shocked that Deb didn't find Dexter there.

No more Dexter. Further compounded by the fact that I don't have Lost to look forward to this year. And fantasy football is over... am I gonna have to get a life?

watch this!

Got my new watches. :)

I apparently keep things in groups of 3. That's just how I roll. (Apparently)

The one on the right is the nice one from Movado. It's stunning in person. I think the guy on the left is doomed to not being worn that much, even though I wore it on Friday and got quite a few compliments about it. It just doesn't compare to the other one.

people shouldn't go crazy

12 years since the album was released. Still one of the best songs I've ever heard.

Wish she was still making music. :(

abed's gift

I'm slightly concerned that Abed found the Season 1 Lost DVD as a metaphor for lack of payoff.

It's one of my current favorite things making fun of my all-time favorite thing. I liked Lost's payoff!

meet me in montauk

Joel: [in the house on the beach] I really should go! I've gotta catch my ride.
Clementine: So go.
Joel: I did. I thought maybe you were a nut... but you were exciting.
Clementine: I wish you had stayed.
Joel: I wish I had stayed too. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of things. I wish I had... I wish I had stayed. I do.
Clementine: Well I came back downstairs and you were gone!
Joel: I walked out, I walked out the door!
Clementine: Why?
Joel: I don't know. I felt like I was a scared little kid, I was like... it was above my head, I don't know.
Clementine: You were scared?
Joel: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation.
Clementine: Was it something I said?
Joel: Yeah, you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?
Clementine: Oh, I'm sorry.
Joel: It's okay.
[Walking Out]
Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.
[Joel comes back]
Clementine: Bye Joel.
Joel: I love you...
Clementine: Meet me... in Montauk...

That's great dialogue. Even better if you know the movie and how it all fits in. Charlie Kaufman is a very smart man. Trying to pick what movie to watch tonight. This or Wall-E. I went with Wall-E, needed to smile. But this is a good movie.

Was my favorite movie for a time. Easily still top 5.

brain-dump

Been awhile since I did something like this - I've had a lot of focused posts the last few months. No hodgepodge.

I was thinking this morning, as I was shoveling (for nearly an hour) what a stupid idiot I am. I balk at a snowblower for being $600 but then I drop $500 on two watches in a heartbeat. Granted, I've been chasing the expensive one all over for months now like it either a) owed me money or b) i was in love with it, but that's besides the point. Wouldn't the snowblower help me more?, I said to myself as I was shoveling 8 inches of heavy snow. But then I came to the conclusion that no - no it would not. This is good for me. I feel good coming in to work now. It's apparently enough exercise to get the endorphins kicking. I forgot what it felt like last summer when I would run 4.25 miles before work every morning. You're just more awake. I can get used to it. But please stop snowing. Please.

This is my first Christmas in a few years without a girlfriend. Break from big gifts, right? Well, I thought so. No jewelery for sure, right? Also, thought that too. But for the first time in my life, my mom has specifically requested something from me. She wants a bracelet. A silver Pandora charm bracelet (and just a few charms, nothing major she says). Turns out they mark up the price of the charms for Christmas and apparently they are $100 a piece? Greaaatt. She never asks for anything and I love her, so it's not even a question of spending the money, but I thought I was skating this year. No. No I am not.

My 15 year old girl status update: (which I may or may not have recently seen on my niece's wall) You can forget what someone said to you, you may even forget what someone did to you, but you will never forget the way someone made you feel. I like that. It hit me for some reason.

Do you know what I hate? When people lie to my face and think I'm an idiot. Let's hypothetically say that someone has had 3 days blocked off on their calendar for over a month now. Despite claiming they weren't taking any vacation days for the rest of the year. Now let's further assume that this hypothetical individual calls my phone yesterday morning at 8:00AM and then calls my hypothetical coworkers phone when I don't answer. And this person, this sparkling gem, says that she will be out the next 3 days because the Dr. has "pulled her from work." Oh, really? What a god damn glorious coincidence that it coincides with the three days you had blocked off your calendar for a month. And why 3 days? Oh, because anything more than 3 requires a Dr.'s note? GET OUT OF TOWN. I'm glad you think that I, and others, are stupid enough to buy this. I hope you choke on whatever it is you're putting in your mouth.

Also on the do-not-like list: 100% of the population is allowed to think that I am not special. That I am the same as everyone else. 99% of them can say it to my face with no consequences whatsoever. But if you are in the 1% and you do say it to me? That can kind of ruin everything. Remarkable.

sick joke

You've gotta be kidding me.

I saw a watch in GQ months ago that I just HAD to have, but I couldn't find it ANYWHERE. So, today, I buy a different all black watch from Gilt that is nonrefundable. Come home from work, pop on The Daily Show, see a commercial for the VERY WATCH I can't find. Hit the website, and it's available. SON OF A...

So, yes, I bought two watches today. Stellar!

buried

It's snow time. It's not so bad. Well, not this bad, yet. (this is from last January - so about a year ago)

I'd say we got about 10 inches so far. I actually shoveled before work this morning, an all-time first. I was out there before 7 am. Lunacy! This will be the year that I keep up on it. Haha. Yeah - this will be the year that I do a lot of things, right? (Like get in good enough shape to buy some Lanvin from H&M? That better happen in 2011!) I also wound up shoveling the deck off for Jack late in the evening... it was up to his neck.

Anyway, I'm coming to learn that I don't hate shoveling snow as much as I thought. It's peaceful and deathly quiet in the middle of a snow storm. Good for thinking. How crazy would it be if I finally got used to the cold and snow? Pretty crazy.

and now for something different

I'm running out of time.

I've proven to myself lately that I can really lay it all on the line when I truly want something, and now it's going to be time to put that theory to the test.

December 27th is 12 weeks away from March 20th. And I need to be 100% disciplined during that time. Because I want to keep my $500. I'm doing a bad job, and I don't know why. I want nothing more in my life. But I've been weak, distracted.

I miss my clothes. I miss not being so self conscious. I miss a lot of things.

I have a 5K running program starting, which is a bit misleading. It's only a 3.12 mile race, but the program has you running 4 mile runs in week 1. The goal is to run in GREAT time, so you end up running up to 7 miles to build stamina, as well as sprints and hill runs. So that's building block 1. It's through nike.com and goes M-W-F to start with a few extra runs coming in the later weeks.

T-R-S are gonna be lifting days. With my body type, I can never really leave the gym for long periods of time, but I do. Lifting is the key to everything but for some reason I neglect it. I shouldn't even say that like I don't know what the reason is - I do. It takes a lot more time than running. Drive to the gym, get changed, lift for an hour, change again, drive home... you're looking at 2 hours. Tough to rationalize on weeknights, but I mean, really? So that's step 2.

You need to really work for anything worth having. ANYTHING. And I've been thinking about that a lot lately... covering a few different scenarios. Great things aren't just gonna come to you.

Step 3 is the one I never do, and that's the nutrition. Counting calories, every single day. No cheating. Limited processed foods. Last January, I did the whole 5 small meals a day thing, which was hard. I lost almost 15 pounds and that was without working out! Nuts.

Two cheat days. That's it. February 21st - my birthday. It's a holiday and I have it off from work. One day in January, which I guess I should make the 21st to keep it even. And then I can cheat March 21st, but the competition is over then. So it doesn't matter. It matters in a sense, because I want to ride this momentum into the spring and outdoor running season. I still want to run a half marathon next year. But since I want to keep my money I need to do this NOW.

Everything I currently want in life, minus one thing (major thing), is completely dependent on me doing this, so what could possibly prevent me from doing it the right way? And I've done it before.

I'm writing this here to keep myself accountable. They say put it out in the open and you're more likely to stick to it - so there you go.

the part of me left out of the river

All the street lights glowin'

Happened to be just like moments passing in front of me

So I hopped in my cab and I paid my fare

See, I know my destination but I'm just not there

I've been both helped out and hurt by one key aspect of my personality but I'm really not liking that aspect of who I am right now.

grumps

You know you're in a bit of a bad mood to start the day when someone tells you that you look nice today and you instantly hiss back "don't patronize me."

Oof.

coincidences-a-plenty

I listen to music every night. It's a habit I'm trying to break because it's decidedly unproductive, but you know... it is what it is. I slap on my Beats and just zone out for a while. Last night was the first time I let myself listen to my two favorite Christmas songs... both by the Killers.

This is my fave:

Also this:

So, today... the very next day, I get a message from The Killers on Facebook that their new Christmas single is available today. Whoa.

The last few have been kinda messy and not that good but these two are perfection. I hope it's good.

I'm putting my tree up this weekend, can't wait. First time doing it myself since moving into the house, but oh well. I'll make due. My mom bought me a Dwight Schrute bobblehead ornament for my tree to go along with the collection I started a few years ago. I got a sweet Eeyore one last year (always my fave) as well as the Jack ornaments I've been accumulating. Trying a new spot for the tree this year, not sure how it's gonna go!

Yay Christmas.

me vs. google reader

A week without a computer leaves 3000+ news items to read in my Google Reader feed.

It feels oddly liberating (in a very nerdy way) to delete hundreds of blocks of items without even reading them.

See, internet... I don't need you, ha.

Mmm... maybe I shouldn't say that.

Oh crap.

Baby, you know I didn't mean it. You know how I say things I don't mean when I get angry. (shoot)...

I can't live without you.

a return to clarity

I just finished reading Freedom by Jonathan Franzen. It was pretty good, probably worth the hype. Patty Berglund writes a memoir entitled "Mistakes Were Made" and that's one of the cornerstones of the book...serving to provide background and also a plot mover after her husband reads it.

In my case...overreactions were made. Probably not the same ring to it. But true. Both positive and negatives.

Was never "empty", just dramatic.

Dial back some of the gushing. I was swept up.

And there are many more examples, but I'm typing on my iPhone.

I'm going to stay levelheaded. It's the wisest move, but also where I'm most comfortable. The sentiments are all the same, just more rational versions. Million little counterpoints I want to make, but I'm gonna let that part of me go for now. This blog offers me a way to still keep my word, but get one key minor point across.

Well, two. I still believe. So...there's that.

That's the last I have to say about any of this for awhile.

bus stop

On Thursday:

Patrick: Don't be upset. The next bus is coming in 15 minutes.

Me: But I like this bus. It has nice seats. I wanna riiiiideeee it.

Patrick: But I'm just saying. It is.

Young Patrick. Retarded 22 year old Patrick.

Correct.

no stress today

As I've mentioned previously, for one reason or another, I went off the deep end this year and spent A LOT of money on fantasy football. Ok, $1225 to be exact. Every year I spend $225 ($150 for league with friends and $75 for my work league) but this year I added an additional $1000 in online high stakes. Good idea? Bad idea? I don't know. I do know that Sundays have been like an alternate universe these last two months.

ANYWAYS, due to the format of those leagues having a $100,000 first prize tournament of champions, the regular season ends TODAY (well, technically tomorrow). So, how did I do?

Two of my three teams are still alive and fighting for a playoff spot. Which is all you can hope for. Anything can happen in the playoffs.

Each team is still alive for a $1600 league championship as well as the high money tournament of champions. Both need to do well TODAY for anything to matter.

No stress today. Nope. None.

I think that due to a culmination of a lot of varied things, this is a one year only situation.

So here's hoping to pull a George Costanza and exit on a high note.

dug does not like the cone of shame

said I wouldn't do something - won't do it.

really want to.

need a cone.

wanna rip my stitches out.

4 k... pt 2

based on today. :p

who wants a mcrib?

Yes, that's how I ever heard of this song. And it's great.

belief

Last year, after James Cameron's blockbuster Avatar was released, a small subset of people felt depressed and even suicidal that the utopian world that he created, Pandora, wasn't real. This simplistic, special effects laden film clearly got under some people's skin - not able to cope with day to day life.

People who believe that Pandora should be real, are they crazy?

Given the size of our universe, the known size of which seems to be expanding on a near daily basis due to the increase in technology, it's almost a certainty that other intelligent forms of life exist somewhere. Despite the overwhelming lack of evidence, people continually believe that aliens have been to earth. Most abduction stories are highly suspect, told by untrustworthy individuals with something to gain. There is of course Area 51 and government coverup conspiracy theories. No proof exists to show that any of this is real but people believe anyway.

Are these people crazy?

Most "ghost" visits and stories are easily explained by aspects of physics or other tricks of light/sound/area effects. There are infinite amounts of stories about haunted houses or ghosts that inhabit certain spots. It's not easy for people to let go of their loved ones and it's even harder to comprehend the after-life (which is almost by nature not comprehendible). Ghosts bridge the gap and almost provide comfort in a way. If ghosts exist, something happens to us after we die. People all over the world believe in ghosts. People all over the world practice rituals, engage in superstitions, and otherwise to speak to ghosts, avoid ghosts, or be near ghosts. All this despite no tangible proof that ghosts exist.

Are these people crazy?

Organized religion is built on principles and foundations that are based on fact, but mostly center around superstitions and myths. If you've ever tried to talk to a born again Christian that believes every word in the Bible is a fact, then you know what I mean. Anytime you present a question that isn't answered by the world we know, you will most likely be answered with "If the Bible says it, then I know it's true." Talking animals. Famines. Plagues. Abraham living to be hundreds of years old. You name it. People fundamentally believe. Despite the fact that there is no tangible proof.

What about these people? Are they crazy in any way?

I tried to cascade from most crazy to least crazy to prove a point in effect. Everyone else is crazy until you consider what you're willing to believe. What level of faith or comfort do you have in the world around you? How much do you need to see, touch, or feel before you're willing to believe? It's not always as easy to put together as you might think. People who may seem crazy at first sight may simply possess a fundamental belief in what they know to be correct.

Now what about love at first sight?

Domestic

So, this weekend I:

- patched a hole in the side of my garage

- fixed my vacuum and vacuumed the entire house

It was broken for maybe two months. All it wound up being was the belt came off on the bottom. But, do people who don't have animals even need to run the sweeper? Or do they just not need to empty the basket 17 times when vacuuming an entire house? Going back 4 years, if I had known Jack had german shepard in him - well, it wouldn't have changed my decision. But I guess I wouldn't have been so surprised when he started shedding his body weight in hair every year.

- washed my sheets

Taken by itself, not a big deal, but I got a new dryer a few weeks ago, and this dryer takes off ALL the hair. The old ratty one did a pretty poor job with hair removal from the sheets, causing me to always have to vacuum them directly, but these are hair free! yay!

So, in summation - I reduced stray dog hair around the house by approximately 7000% this weekend. That's right, 7000%. That's a whole lot of percent. (I can do it - I will do it 9 times).

Now, my plans for the day are to go to the grocery store and then watch football all day. This differs from my previous plans by... well, not at all.

uhhh

Do you ever wish you could control your autonomic nervous system?

I can list many reasons why I should not be nervous right now. Good reasons, with solid justifications.

a) I have my speech memorized word for word. I know all the jokes.

b) I've given this speech four times to crowds already. I know people like it.

c) I've made so many modifications to the speech based on feedback - it's almost as perfect as it can be.

I've been thinking all week that this is no big deal - it's a victory lap, I told myself. You may remember, astute readers, that I did not make it to this final championship round. But the 2nd place finisher of the last competition had another commitment and I backed in as an alternate. I agreed, as this is a good opportunity for me. They said there will be approximately 150 people there. Which doesn't really matter - I kinda zone out once the first word comes out of my mouth. I only scan and find a few people to make eye contact with, anyway... along with quick glances at the timekeeper. So the crowd isn't an issue.

But here I am: noon - approximately 4 hours away from the speech and I'm a little nervous.

I think I'll be fine - I know I will be. My nerves aren't even close to where they were from 8-10AM yesterday, when it felt like an entire butterfly sanctuary was being preserved in my midsection. So I'll make it.

I will just have to do my best to convincingly deliver a speech about how happy I am to be single when I have other things on my mind. :)

so much for partner in crime

If you can't count on your dog to hold a rose in his mouth and look happy for 5 seconds, what is he good for? :)

Good at standing perfectly still with his FU face on and making 7 seconds of video look like a still photo.

I tried to explain to him why he needed step up his game but he just kept laying down. hehe.

crimes against humanity

Buying underwear online is the WORST. The WORST.

I mean, is it too much to ask to browse high end boxer briefs without row after row of six packs and bulging crotches? Can I just see the product?

And if/when people walk in the room? My god. My boss made slight gay jokes in my direction for weeks when she saw me on an MMA website. You see this? Yikes.

blame game

on the bathroom wall i wrote i'd rather argue with you then be with someone else
i took a piss and dismissed it, like fuck it, and went to find somebody else
argue in the hall, but still the feelings yo, i'd rather be by my-fucking-self
until 2 am when i call back, and i hang up and start to blame myself
somebody help

Goooooooood song. I can do without the whole Chris Rock rambling ending but damn.

Meant to write last night. I truly did. Have the entire first chapter (or I think prologue) laid out in my head. I'm cheating a little (a lot) because it mostly happened to me. It's my famous "Ivy League kind, ma'am" story that my friends just die every time they hear. But the whole story is just too much to not share in embellished/fictional format.

But then I got the leak of that new Kanye West album. I've heard nearly all the songs, but all the ones I didn't hear I greatly enjoyed. I love this! Helped me get an extra 15 minute in on the treadmill while I was listening to it. My favorite song, as it has been... "Devil in A New Dress". I loved it when it was released as a short 2 minute GOOD Friday song, and now it's beefed up to 5 minutes with a haunting piano interlude and another verse. Sick.

You'd think that the guy who mostly listens to indie-rock wouldn't be so obsessed with a rap album/rapper, but there you are. Also, none of my favorite bands have released albums in forever!

Been deep in thought a lot lately. It helps to escape a little bit.

mood ring

wrong turn

You have approximately 4 parties on your day planner. They aren't all on the same day, necessarily, but they are all within close proximity of one another. You have had bits and pieces of each of the parties on previous occasions, but you need to make a decision. Which party are you going to attend?

You know that you can only select one party. They are all pretty wild parties and if you go to one then you're going to be wiped out and not be able to attend any of the other parties.

So you pick a party. And it's pretty banging for awhile. Things are going well. You like the party. While you were at this party, you're getting these updates on your iPhone (or equivalent) that make you think that maybe I should have selected this other party instead of this one. But that's all in the back of your mind. But eventually you realize that this party, this is not the best party I've ever been to. I think I need to leave this party.

Now you're not really focused on this other party. You just need to relax.

So you're relaxing but people keep blowing up the Facebook and the Twitter with their pictures of the party and their stories of the party and all you can manage to think is that "Man, I should have gone to this party. I like what I see from this party and I think I really would have enjoyed said party."

So you see that there may be another party coming up, and hot diggity dog, you want to attend this party. But, alas, it appears as though your party invitation has been filled by another indvidual. So now what?

I mean, I suppose you could potentially wrangle an invite to the party with some type of grand gesture or something similar. But, I mean, really? Do we want to make a grand gesture to attend a party that we don't even know that we're going to like? Just cause it looks awesome doesn't mean that it is, right? But it does look pretty awesome.

I guess the lesson that you learn is that you go to the party the first chance you get, because you might not ever make it back into the VIP lounge. Someone else has taken your seat on the bar stool.

I, of course, am talking about my lunch choice a few weeks ago when I went with the carved roast beef at Wegmans when I was also considering the chinese or indian buffet. Maybe a sub sandwich? By the time I was in line and saw the indian food, I could make a scene and say no I don't want this carved sandwich... I want this indian food instead. But that's too much hassle. How do I know this is good indian food?

No, no. Just kidding. It's a story about a girl. Of course it is.

good morning everybody

I'd like to take this opportunity to personally thank Kat Dennings for sexting naked pictures of her gorgeous self to some random dude who felt like these photos belonged to the internet (unless she did it herself).

Either way - YES.

I love Nick and Norah. Kat Dennings and Amanda Seyfried naked in the same year. It's almost too much.

Somewhere I can only hope that Alison Brie is making bad decisions involving cell phones.

meh.

So, it's been about a month since I cut my hair. Even using shampoo now, which has been awhile since that was the case. But yeah... looks bad. About to look hilariously bad. Let's hope this awful, terrible phase doesn't last for long.

Let's see how long it takes to grow out. I think we're having a NYE party, and unless I wind up pleasantly surprised they are going to be hilarious pictures.

Don't see Due Date... it's terrible. That twice (2x!) that Robert Downey Jr. has burned me with awesome trailers. The Soloist also had an incredible trailer and was a heaping serving of mediocrity. What are you doing to me here, Iron Man? I should have seen Megamind.

I'm gonna try to wake up and run before work every day for the next two weeks. Then I have vacation for a week, in which I'm gonna try to be healthy. But let's knock out these 10 runs without being a baby about it, and then everything is gonna be great. Vacation will be very nice - I haven't had one since July and that was a traveling vacation. This will just be a nice relaxing week, and then luckily another one not far after that.

I'm gonna try to be more productive at night - making sure all my chores are done (I tend to fall behind - my bath room is an oof! situation) and also to maybe write? I don't know. I've had an idea in my head for awhile and maybe I'll give it a shot. Thinking of devoting some blocks of time to making a run at it, any way.

A theme/arc involved would be uneasiness/lack of clarity/wanting something more. I can't imagine where the inspiration could have possibly come from.

Side note: playing the new Maroon 5 album while I wrote this (which is taking awhile because it doesn't have my 100% attention) and total soft spot! Good stuff! Cheesy but so good.

accelerate!

I had a pretty awesome weekend - had a public speaking contest on Saturday morning. I got 3rd place, which ended up being the perfect place to finish. Top 2 advanced to the final round in 2 weeks, but I think I made it as far as I wanted to make it. I felt like I had the 2nd best speech of the morning, but am much happier that I got third. I made it 3 rounds, so I beat hundreds of people to finish where I did. Considering how little time I've been doing it I'm pleased.

From there it was straight to PA. Dropped Jack off at my mom's and went straight to Scranton for the party. It was like a trip down memory lane, staying in the same disgusting hotel room that I've opened my eyes for the first time in a new year a few times. Looks like we'll do that again this year.

We rented out the upstairs of a bar. My friends have a nice network of friends to call upon so we ended up with almost 100 people at the party. I was a cock-block, and people seemed to like the costume. A lot of people didn't get it at first, but once they did most thought it was pretty clever. I think I've decided that next year I'm bringing my all-time best and all-time favorite costume, the kissing booth. It's been a few years since I rocked it to great delight and I've yet to see it again in all the years since. I think it's a clutch costume and I need to wear it once every few years.

But the one main take home besides how much fun I had: when I look at the pictures I wince a little bit! Need to accelerate this weight loss a bit. I had been talking before this weekend even that I think I'm gonna start waking up early and getting my runs in in the AM - that seems to work for me. Add some lifting in at night. But the fact is - I look at the pictures and I kinda want to throw up in my mouth a little bit.

So we need to get working on this. Immediately.

things i have a soft spot for

this.

Mostly the segment from 3:20 to 3:52 but you have to listen to the whole song to really see why. This song is about his parents, as it were, and it's really quite touching.

Also this one - also about the singers parents. Seen them live in concert twice, they only did this song the second time. It was even better live. His voice really hits the notes perfectly when it's slowed down.



And this: Not about his parents as far as I know.

This version is SO much better than the album version with Norah Jones singing. Yes, it makes more sense to get the female vocal there, but this just sounds right.

For one reason or another, it just hits home. I guess my parents being divorced has colored me more than I usually realize. I've always been confident that I would only get married one time in my life. I still feel that way very strongly. I can only hope that it turns out something like this.

what's going on?

Nothing crazy here. I've decided to grow my hair out. I've said that before and I gave up after a month but I never really gave it the chance it deserved. I'm thinking that I'm going to spend all winter growing out my hair while I also lose some weight. New year = new you, or something.

Trying to think of ways to tighten up my diet, to compliment my exercise. I like everything I'm doing right now - slowly getting back into shape and establishing routines that will become critical next Spring/Summer. The only minor flaw in that plan is that I have 5 months to lose 40 pounds or I'm out some cash. So, I need to be results oriented instead of being patient and pointing the ship in the right direction. We'll see how that goes.

Been playing Fallout: New Vegas all week. This makes me very happy. Running around the desert, just murdering things in a post apocalyptic nuclear society. Always a good time. Also, there is no Mel Gibson around to make things awkward with his racially insensitive and anti-semitic comments. Also a plus. Have I ever mentioned that I spent an afternoon in the town where Mad Max was filmed? Because I did. The name of the place is Coober Pedy, and it's in the middle of the Australian outback. The interesting fact about the town is that it gets so hot there that alot of the buildings are underground! We went to an underground bar and had a good time.

This picture was taken there:

We were pretending to be lost in the desert; hilarious, right?

Also started that Jonathan Franzen book that I mentioned previously, "Freedom". I can already tell by the writing style that it's a bit too clever by half, but that's kind of my style. I hope it delivers, as I'm expecting it to.

Watching the dogs play as I type this, which makes me smile. Yes, dog. Jake-sitting for the weekend and they play funny. Dipping, darting, and biting at each other in the softest manner possible. It's like doggie kung fu movie filming. Looks real, but it isn't.

Can't even move, budge, flinch, shift, or look upward without Jake bolting up off the floor, getting a toy in his mouth and wiggling all over the place. I have to admit, despite the fact that it gets old fast, it's also extremely cute. He's such a sweet boy. Yesterday morning, I was woken up by growling in my bedroom. It was strangely coming from directly underneath the middle of my bed. Well, Jake was still fast asleep under the bed and he was growling in his sleep. Almost too adorable.

Halloween is next weekend... what am I gonna be? Found a costume, but I guess I can save that for after. I'm not 100% sure how it's gonna go over, but everyone I've talked to about it think it's hilarious. I found the perfect t-shirt to wear with it, so I guess we'll see.

I guess that's enough stream of consciousness for now.

Monthly Fitness Update: 1 of 6

Well, one month into my six month weight loss challenge. How's it going? Ok - I suppose.

I've lost 10.2 pounds, pretty much exclusively on the back of running 35.2 miles. I can and will do better, but not bad for a start.

Ahead of pace to complete the challenge. I've been slacking a bit, lately, and I need to do better on getting my butt on the treadmill. Let me say one thing about the treadmill... it's a gift and a curse. It's very convenient and it eliminates excuses to exercise. However, it completely sucks in comparison to running outside. I mean, not even comparable. It's just so much easier to zone out and just go when outdoors. Yet another reason why I need to live in a warmer climate.

When I was finishing my undergrad at Cornell, people were kind of hot/cold about leaving and I was like... Get me the F out of here... I'm moving to North Carolina and I'm only coming back for special occasions. A year later I was back in Ithaca. So I finish my MS and yet again I'm get me outttt of here, I'm moving back to North Carolina. Instead I get recruited and offered a job by Bristol and here I am. Since I bought a house, I put a 5 year window on living here and now I'm thinking I have about 4 1/2 years left in me. The moral of the story - don't make plans in life. Even though I clearly never planned on being in this area I'm coming up on 10 years living in Central NY, which is 6 more years then I ever expected.

But it would really be nice to run outside all year round, which was the springboard for that tangent. Last August I completed a 10 mile run and felt pretty good about it. Finishing 10 miles on the treadmill is going to require not only the physical conditioning but some serious mental conditioning.

I feel good, though, so far. Just need to get a little better in regards to exercising. I've taken care of the diet in good shape. I've not had any fastfood outside of some stuff from Wegmans in the past month. Lunch has been tough, but hopefully I've convinced my co-workers that they need to be bringing in their lunch. I usually bring it but when they say they are going out - I usually can't help myself to join in. Working on improving that, too.

So, 39.8 pounds to go in the next 5 months. Got this.

dreams

I've touched on this subject briefly over the past 18 months or so that I've been writing this blog, but how important are your dreams to you? Do you know what they are? If you had an unlimited amount of money, what would be the first thing you did? Are you making progress towards the things you want in life?

Dreams can come in all shapes and sizes. Owning your own home. Starting a family. Getting that new job or new promotion. You name it, and there's someone out there who is desperately hoping for it right now.

My dreams range from simple and easily achievable to most likely never going to happen. I'm trying to lose weight, that's easily achievable and simple. In fact, I've already done it. That's a simple matter of focus.

I'd like to write a novel. That's iffy. I can write - especially in fiction format. Anything I've ever written and shown to my friends has been very highly received. I have ideas. It's a big commitment, though, and for one reason or another I've never really been able to fully commit. I'm not sure if it's because deep down I don't believe in myself as strongly as I need to, or what. This is an iffy proposition.

If I had an unlimited amount of money - I'd quit my job and travel the world for no less than a year. I'd see anything and everything I could. Now here is where things get a little wild. I don't exhibit this in normal life. I don't do a lot of traveling as is. I have anchors. My dog. My job. My house. But this is my #1 life goal. This is what I want for myself. The six months I lived abroad were the happiest six months of my life. Reality is, it's probably not going to happen. I have fallback scenarios and ways in which I could talk myself into getting rid of everything and doing it (and no I would never get rid of Jack - this is something I'm considering doing around 35 - when Jack will mostly likely be going to a farm upstate. Can I say that if I live upstate? I don't know). I always kind of kept this a secret but I've mentioned it to a few people so I might as well just say it. If I'm not married and dog-less by the time I'm 35, I'm probably gonna quit my job, sell nearly everything I own and take off for a year. That's a lot of ifs, though, right?

It's funny. The things I've "achieved" haven't really been things I was working towards. The story of how I bought my house is kind of a joke. No one would rent to me because of Jack's mildly scary appearance. I just called a real estate agent on a whim one day, they took me to visit 10 houses and the same day I was approved for a mortgage of up to $150,000. Just like that. I made an offer on a house and closed in 6 weeks. Zero dollars down! A few months later, it was nearly impossible to get a mortgage. Lucky, in a sense. But I never dreamed of having my own house one day - I just sort of fell into it.

The point I'm making is that even though I've done things that people would consider big wins, I feel like I've done and have been doing a poor job in working towards the things I want most out of life. It's easy to fall into a routine and do what you're supposed to do. But I'm going to make a more conscious effort to be the person I want to be; to do the things that I want to do. And I hope everyone who reads this will stop and consider it and wind up doing the same.

oh hello wife

i love community and this is one of the main reasons. :)

my hero

I can only truly hope that this kid never stops being the pimp that he is.

life is good?

I feel like I should write more. But I don't have anything to say.

the social network: a review

Part of the reason that The Social Network resonates so strongly with me, besides the fact that it's an excellent movie, is that it brings back a lot of memories for me. As someone who is 28, I remember my own personal context for a lot of things that are referenced or that happen in the movie.

I remember creating my "thefacebook" account in 2004. What I did not know is how quickly this was after the creation of the website. According to the timeline presented in the movie, the site went live February 2004. I graduated in May 2004 and I had a profile before I graduated. I remember sitting in the living room and my friend's girlfriend saying, "hey there is this new website..." At first I thought it was kind stupid, but then you find yourself checking it constantly. I wish I had it all through college. It would have been invaluable when I was living in Australia in 2002 and essentially cut off from the rest of the world. In effect, I wish Mark Zuckerberg had come along a few years earlier.

I would give anything to see my original profile. Outside of "in a relationship with Amy Rauf" I don't think I can think of a single thing it may or may not have said. Them pulling up the old blue website in the film brought back a lot of memories.

I had been familiar with the story that is mostly presented in this movie. Granted, it's not 100% accurate. But I had been reading valleywag.com, mostly interested in the facebook gossip. The site since got integrated into gawker.com, which is one of my favorite websites on the internet. So I was already familiar with the Winklevoss twins and the whole ConnectU scandal. The other part, with the other co-founder and all the Sean Parker stuff... didn't know about that. It was interesting.

As for Napster... that's another trip down memory lane. Freshman year in 2000. First experience with broadband internet, first experience with napster. "So you're telling me I can get whole songs within seconds FOR FREE?" My head was blown at the time.

As for the movie itself, the Oscar buzz is real, I think. It's just very well done. Written by Aaron Sorkin (The West Wing) and directed by David Fincher (Se7ven, Fight Club)... what did you expect? The real surprise of the movie is Jesse Eisenberg. Jesus christ, is he good in this. Just a riveting, believable, amazing performance. If you had asked me previously if I thought he had it in him, I would never have said yes. I, like most, kind of saw him as a second rate Michael Cera. Never again.

Some of the things he said and does in the film are so delightfully dickish in that oblivious engineer kind of way. But the entire opening scene with the girl who becomes the impetus for Facebook, so to speak is marvelous. He keeps telling her that she "doesn't need to study" and when she finally questions why he keeps saying that he dickishly sneers "because you go to BU." Loved that.

But the best part, the very, very best part was when he was being grilled by the opposing attorney, who asks Mark if he is paying attention to him. Mark says no. The lawyer then asks if he thinks he is worth paying attention to. Mark says something to the effect of "you have the smallest portion of my attention. The rest of my attention is with my team back at Facebook, who are currently doing things that no one in this room is intellectually or creatively capable of. That's what has my attention. Now does that answer your condescending question?"

Just brilliant. The way it was written and the way it was delivered.

And that's the whole movie. Executed from start to finish like a well oiled machine. It's two hours but it doesn't feel like it. The origin story of something that I use every day to connect with people and something that has changed the way I live my life is a movie I'd go to see all day, any day. But the fact that the movie is so god damn good made it all the better.

Highest of high recommendation.

funnnn winter

It just turned to Fall, and it would appear that I'm lucky at mostly a boring Fall/Winter. Things are very busy at work, which helps make the weeks zoom by, but socially things are going to be in a bit of a lull.

After some consideration last month, especially in relation to my little contest/bet/experiment, I decided on a strict "no girls allowed" policy from now until March 21st. Kinda hilarious to think that I have to tell myself that, because it's not like there is a line around the block that has been patiently waiting since July for me to stick my head out the door and say... "Oh yes, I am ready for you all now. Single file, girls." But, you know, that's how it's gonna be.

So, what am I gonna be doing? Have a few visitors planned. Going to be doing a lot of running. Football on Sundays, of course. There's also video games (this helps with the no girls policy, also)... including a new Fallout game. Love Fallout. It's a shooter/RPG set in a post apocalyptic society and if you're a girl reading this right now please stop touching yourself from my suggestive rugged sexuality. Just cut it out. This is a family blog.

Books. Lots of books. Gonna get all up in these Jonathan Franzen books that have been praised to high heaven. A friend of mine from graduate school compared "Freedom" to "East of Eden", which some of you might know is my favorite book. So that perked up my ears. It's currently sitting on my nightstand just waiting for me. But I have to finish the book I'm currently reading before I do that. It's the last of a trilogy, that's further part of a series of trilogies. It's a fantasy book with magical swords, magic, elves, shit like that. You know... that's how I roll. And again, girls... hands where I can see them.

We have a big Halloween party planned. I'll actually be in PA that weekend, as I'm on my way to NJ for a conference on Nov 1-2, so it works out. Trying to figure out what I want to be. I was thinking Dexter, as I found his "kill shirt/kill gloves" on Amazon, but man... I don't know. Dexter wears a skin tight shirt and he's kinda jacked, which I'm not really pulling off at this point. Gotta be authentic, right? If I'm looking for realism, I can always be Grimace, or the Syracuse Orange mascot (is it Otto? I don't fucking know...), maybe a perfect circle, a planet. You get the gist. I gotta think about it still. Might still do Dexter, if I can find an American Apparel long sleeve henley (Dex's preferred murder garb) that fits me right. Which probably isn't the case. Got some time to think about it.

Does it sound like I'm upset about this? Cause I'm actually not at all. I feel like time is absolutely flying. I almost feel like I have no time these days, even though I'm not running around like a madman. I work a lot more than I did the past two years ever since I started my new job a few months ago. A lot of days I don't get home til' 6. Dinner and exercise later and it's 8:30 and then what? I'm almost ready for bed. That leads to me trying to squeeze everything into Saturday (because Sunday is spoken for) and it's just zipping past.

I also realize that I'm gonna save some money and wind up a better person by March 21st so it's all good.

I read this little motivational blurb which was actually quite simple. The gist of it was, do you want to do something? Imagine you started working towards it 4 months ago. The last 4 months seem like they went by really fast right?Picture how far along you would be if you just started 4 months ago. The time would have gone by just as quickly. And I'm trying to live by that.

also a cheer up pic

the downside of dieting

Here's the type of cheer up picture I was looking for last night.

depressed

I usually end up mildly depressed on Sunday night. I never really felt that way in my life and didn't understand the whole "boo Monday" people. That was all before I started working for the sterling gem of a person that I work for now. I dread it so much.

On top of that, Dexter was like an hour long stomach punch.

Boo.

I just googled "Cheer Up Picture" for something to put here and the first hit in the google image search was FUCKING AWFUL. It was a dead girl post car accident in a prom dress covered in blood while her horrified date looked on. Damn you, internet. :(

No picture now.

the denial of grandchildren

Hey, I won a public speaking contest today for Toastmasters International. It was a humorous speech contest that had to be between 5-7 minutes. Here is a fairly accurate replication of my speech - I ad-libbed a bit. I think a funny speech worked best for me. I've only given a few speeches and I've already won a contest. Most of the speech is 100% true but some parts have been slightly embellished to add a small dose of humor.

"Thank you Mrs. Contest Chair, fellow toastmasters, honored guests. I want everyone here today to know that it’s a currently a VERY happy time in my life. I’m 28 years old and for the last two months I’ve been a single man. Granted, it’s only been two months so the excitement may wear off, but for now I am very happy. It’s been many years since I’ve been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year. For the past few years, what I’ve lacked in quality, I’ve done my best to make up for in quantity. Two years ago I spent the entire opening day of the NFL season picking berries, to my great delight. Last year I spent it at an outlet mall saying, “Oh, yes, that blouse looks so lovely.” But this year I spent the entire day in front of the TV watching football. This makes me very happy.

Not everyone is happy that I’m currently single. My mother has been begging me to have children since I graduated from college. Whether I have a girlfriend at the time or not means nothing in relation to her request. “Michael, when are you going to have children?” she asks at least once per month. Unfortunately for my mother, I don’t think it’s going to be any time in the near future. A lot of you in the room are parents. I want you to think about how you would react if your son or daughter called and told you that they were expecting a child. Depending on the situation, some of you might be thrilled. Some of you might be horrified. I think that given the circumstances of my life, thrilled should not describe the way my mother would feel if I called and gave her the news. But… I’ve long suspected that if by some accident I winded up as an expectant father with someone I barely knew that my mother’s reaction would be quite different from that of most parents. Very recently I asked her if that was the case. I said, “Mom, if I winded up getting some stranger pregnant, you’d be thrilled, wouldn’t you?” And she sheepishly replied, “I would.”… just as I suspected. One of my mother’s favorite things to tell me is that I need to hurry up and have children so I’m not changing her diapers at the same time I’m changing my children’s diapers. My mom recently turned 59, so I think she’s being a little dramatic.

Once upon a time, I thought I was going to get married. My college sweetheart and I were together for 3 years, and she’s probably the reason I’m standing here talking to you today. I graduated a year ahead of her, and went down south to pursue my graduate degree. The year apart was hard. So I decided to leave school at the University of North Carolina to come back north in order for us to be together. Less than six months later I was sleeping on an air mattress in the basement while she went out on a date with her new boyfriend. It’s because of this that I’ve long suspected that the movie “Good Will Hunting” ends with Matt Damon traveling across the country to “see about a girl.” There’s probably a reason that they don’t show what happens when he gets there! Considering how he treated her for the majority of the movie, it was probably a bloodbath. Before long he’d be back in Boston working construction with Ben Affleck and everyone is miserable again. Just like the old days.

One thing I’d like to make clear while I have the opportunity. Whether I’m single or I’m not… I NEVER sleep alone. [hold up picture of Jack] Sure! He’s pretty lazy. He’s hairy, and a lot of times he smells bad, but I’m sure that a lot of women could probably say the same thing about their husbands.

The truth is… I’m 28 years old and I’m focused on my career. If something great comes along, fine. But I’m not going to be out searching for something that I don’t feel like I desperately need in my life. There will come a time in my life when everything falls into place and I wind up in a wonderful situation. Knowing this is why I’m very happy right now… unless any of you happen to talk to my mother in the near future. In that case, I’m out looking for my future wife at this very moment and I won’t rest until I find that special someone. Mrs. Contest Chair."

The next round is October 14th where I have to give the same speech. We'll see how that goes.

motivation is everywhere

My competition started today. I put the treadmill together on Saturday. It's fancy... more features than I expected for the $700 price tag. It has a nice fan that blows on my face, mp3 playout, programs, and a nice incline. I am happy. I ran today, nice and slow. Jack was amused. Dipping, darting, and diving around like I was getting ready to play with him. After 15 minutes or so he realized that I was only running in one direction and not back to chase him.

I don't really want to talk about that right now.

This video has been making its way around the net:

I find it very touching. Maybe it's the song, maybe it's the editing, but I almost cried watching this. Looks like a whole new person by the end, right? It's out there for the taking. And you don't have to starve or kill yourself to do it. Just work. Put in the work and good things will happen. I truly believe this.

In terms of realistic goals, this guy was bigger than I'll ever be. His current skinny weight is not much less than what I weight now. For all the times I call myself a whale, walrus, blimp, manatee, or whatever... I am being over dramatic. If this guy can do it - I can do it. I've been a wonderful excuse maker for nearly a year now. It's so easy to let it all slip away.

Please take a moment and check out this individual's blog at bendoeslife.tumblr.com. The blog is good (not as good as the video - but good) and I support the guy 100%.

I will talk later about some of my goals, what milestones I will reward myself at and what those rewards will be. The $500 bet has one clear purpose. It's a safety net. There are those moments when I'm driving home from work and I think that I don't feel like cooking and "x-restaurant" is right there. In the past I pull in - now I keep driving.

I'm going to try to limit posts about this to once a week or so, but I saw this video and I felt like it just had to be posted.

Seize the day. It sounds corny, but sometimes corny is ok.

here it goes again

Not the Ok Go song. But there are treadmills involved.

Monday I begin a 6 month, $500 challenge/bet/gentleman's agreement between a close friend of mine and myself. The rules are quite simple. Lose 50 pounds in 6 months or pay. If both noted gentlemen make the agreed terms by the first day of Spring, then nothing happens. If one does and the other doesn't, then the "loser" pays the "winner" $500. If neither make it (heaven forbid!), then $2000 gets donated to charity ($500 from each and Bristol matches all my charitable contributions 100%). The chosen charity is the ASPCA, as chosen by yours truly.

Now, how did this come about? Talking, as I do every day to my friend, complaining about how unhappy we are that we are out of shape. And he happened to mention how competitive we both are and something like this would help us both out. It was just a throwaway comment. And while I was sitting there with the wheels turning, he said..."wait, that's not a bad idea." I instantly threw out a $100 challenge. We both quickly agreed that we both make good money, $100 might not really be enough. If we didn't really feel like, well, fuck it... I'll just pay the $100. $500, though, that would hurt. And so it was set.

I have absolutely no doubt that I can do this. Unfortunately, I've done it before. Which is sad, if you think about it, because no one should have to lose 50 pounds more than once. It's not like I'm a blimp or walrus or anything (despite what I may think) but this will be good for me.

In fact, my plans are bigger. I have a strict, structured detailed plan that goes through and beyond the allotted time. I doubt I'll surpass the 50 pounds in six months by much. If I finish a month in advance, I'll be very lucky. I'm thinking I'll squeak by with a 2 week margin for error, which is actually a fair bit when you're counting on approximately a 2 lb/wk weight loss. But going forward, I have some ideas about some things I want to do that will get me to an even better place. All of the things I want to do cost money, which is why they haven't been done up to this point.

My boss goes to a crossfit personal trainer, at an exorbitant insane price of $300 for ten 30 minute sessions, but it's something I may decide to do for one ten pack, maybe two if I love it. Can't do it on my own - won't be able to do as well. But the price! So high! We'll see. Also, a guy I know through an ex-gf of mine runs an MMA gym and I may look at that in the future. That's also expensive, I think around $100/month, so these are not things to consider lightly.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

My plan is quite simple actually. Be healthy, don't be a slob, and remember to exercise at least 5 times a week. Nothing crazy, because that shit isn't necessary. People make simple things more complicated than they need to be. It's much easier to make excuses and try crazy things then to be disciplined and do the boring, unsexy things that need to be done to get the job done.

So, you know, updates of some nature to come. Not that often because I realize it's boring. But then again, not like I've been lighting up the switchboard with posts lately. But here we go now.

me in 20

I was 27 when the picture was taken... so I'd take it for 47.

baby i got a plan...

... run away as fast as you can.

Good Fridays

Kinda been obsessed with Kanye West lately. Not only does he operate the most hilarious twitter feed on the planet, but to be honest, if I had cash and was in shape then I'd be rocking a similar style. I respect the shit out of his new "bring back the suit" movement and holding private shows with strict dress codes. Be respectable, people. I aim to be a better dresser myself, so I gotta work on this.

Now, about 6 weeks ago he announced Good Friday on his twitter feed. What that means is that he drops a new track every Friday. This is where he's really got me, because this music is straight fire. It started with:

Bouncy, breezy... perfect for summer. Kind of a theme with some of these songs. Some very clever lines here, which I'm always a sucker for. Plus, Beyonce and all. "Uncle Charlie on the track, and Imma let you finish but I got Beyonce on the track."

First Taylor Swift joke only took two tracks.

Then:

Loved the original power, so add Jay-Z and a killer breakdown featuring the "I've Got the Power" song from the late 80s/early 90s where Kanye just KILLS IT.

Also: "in search of the truth even if it goes through Taylor Swift, tell her this..."

This is the only one I haven't been feeling, but people are creamin' over the Nicki Minaj verse at the end. I don't really like her, so meh.

This is my favorite, by far. Devil in a New Dress... just has got that vibe. Too sick. Reminds me of "Ms. Fatbooty" by Mos Def, not in the sense that it sounds similar but it just gives me that feeling. I think it's the sample in both. Also, this song has some killer lines.

And this last night. I think you had me at the motherfuckin' Biz Markie sample, but after that... this is perfect for the end of summer. Light, breezy... lovin' that piano. "Good Fridays... I hope you have a nice weekend" is a great way to close the track.

Getting shit like this once a week makes me spoiled... hope it lasts. FYI, most of those videos might be dead by the time you read this. Copyright claims flying left and right.

Prefer this to 808s and Heartbreak 100 times out of 100.