"this never happens to us"

"This never happens to us" - quote from one of my friends to describe the absolutely insane night that was had Saturday.

We all gathered for our annual fantasy football draft, something I look forward to every year. Even though I've gone off the deep end and am playing over $1000 worth of fantasy football this year, this is still one of my favorite days of the year. This year, my buddy upped the ante and paid a few bucks for some girls to come and work the draft. To be honest, it was pretty awkward and I wasn't a big fan of it until I was about 6 beers in. And even then, it was just kinda meh. One of the girls was dressed in an Eli Manning jersey and was probably the prettiest girl I've ever seen in my life, but her and her buddy peaced out early. So we finished the draft. And the 84 beers between 8 of us actually drinking them.

So we drive to my buddy's uncles and my silver tongued friend Bob actually talked one of the girls into coming to the party. A few other girls showed up but they ended up leaving. What I figured would be an uneventful night turned wild. That's about as elaborate as I'm willing to get... but going over the details and other assorted details the next day and the laughter involved is something I'll never forget. Well, that goes for the rest of the night.

It's never to be topped. I'd like to go in to more detail, but I definitely can't.

As for my team - not the best but it has sleeper potential. But that's all secondary.

I'll still be looking forward to it next year and every subsequent year, but this will never be topped.

run and tell that

slow down superstar

Damn, it's been slow at work this week. That's never fun. My boss is already gone for the day, off to the NY State fair to enjoy unlimited rides with her kids. She'll be out half day tomorrow. I'm just trying to get out of here for the day, coast to the weekend, enjoy my draft, enjoy my 3-day weekend, and get back to work.

I struggle back and forth between wanting to do something exciting, something great, something that I'll never forget and just enjoying the day, slowly but surely improving life.

Days like today I crave something exciting. A lot of times I look at all I have and think, well this is great, but if given the choice of anything I wanted is this what I would have picked?

Things would be easier if I weren't so difficult to please, that's for sure.

2 weeks until paydirt

Football season is here. And I'm a happy camper. I have 5 fantasy teams this year... for a lot of money. Not even gonna say how much so no one thinks I'm crazy but it's almost a whole paycheck worth of teams. And I get paid every two weeks. And I make good money. So, you know... go fantasy football.

Saturday is my "live" draft with my friends. We had some turnover and some guys can't make it, but it's a highlight of the end of summer every year, that's for sure. This year it will be kicked up a notch, as my friend is getting some entertainment to serve food and post the draft picks. His direct quote was "I promise they're not strippers." But who can really be sure?

I can envision some scenarios in which it's a total disaster but let's look on the bright side.

I have FiOS for all of football season this year, which will keep me glued to the TV all day every Sunday. Last two years I started relationships in August so I wasn't always able to watch as much football... and to be honest I didn't even really need to. Beginning of relationships are pretty much the best thing, until you either realize a) eh this isn't the best i'm either gonna get out or coast or b) you're together so long that excitement is few and far between. I've been through both. But nothing tops the beginning.

I'll get back to football in a second but I've inadvertently gotten off on a tangent here. I've only been in love once and we broke up in 2006, so I haven't really been completely knocked off my feet in awhile. Well, that's not totally true...there was one girl back in 2008 that looked like she had potential but that ended up spiraling out of control very quickly. I'm really hoping that one of these times I'll get it right but I'll keep on working on it until I do.

Because right now I just need to chill out. Not just football either. I have been getting my butt back in shape but let's not pretend this isn't gonna take awhile. So let's set that timetable off a few months.

I don't really have any more points to make about football and I've gotten way off topic so let me just close by saying that this Saturday is going to be awesome (whether they are strippers or not) and it's almost go time. So my slight depression of late will at least be lifting somewhat.

i pity the fooooooool

I posted this last Friday on my Facebook profile, but damn if this isn't the best song I've heard in a long, long time.

It's the vocal inflections that get me every time... like the title of the post. Or the "crazy for you baby" line in Aerosmith's "Crazy". Gets me EVERY time.

credit card is adorbs

This is the image that adorns my new credit card, my first Airlines Miles card and also the only one I have that is only available to people with Excellent credit. Woo hoo. Anyway, went to Koto, the fancy new Hibachi place in town for lunch today (it is awesome) and paid with this bad boy. We had spent parts of lunch talking about how smoking hot the waitress was...

She comes back gushing about how adorable the card is and asking if it was my dog. I told her that it was.

An awesome story would have me segwaying into picking her up after that, but this certainly isn't an awesome story.

Big Red Pride

I should have written about this back in March when it happened, but I wasn't really writing at the time and I never ended up doing it. If you can recall, the Cornell Big Red, my alma mater, shocked most of the basketball world by winning their two opening round games to advance to the Sweet Sixteen. This is the first time the team made it that far, in fact, Cornell had never won a game in the NCAA tournament prior to this year.

As luck would have it, the Red were seeded in the Eastern Regional. The Sweet 16 and Elite 8 games in the Eastern regional were slated to take place in Syracuse, NY.

I did not expect to be able to attend the game. I knew that tickets for the regional went on sale a year earlier and although I had considered buying a pair, I ended up deciding not to spend the money. Early rumors were that the game was a sellout. I figured that with a local team playing on top of the sellout, it would be next to impossible to find a ticket for a price I was willing to spend.

I wound up getting a notice from the Cornell alumni club of Central New York that there was an alumni pep-rally for the team the day before on the Syracuse campus downtown. I dragged Marissa to go with me. It ended up being something of an interesting affair. It was mostly filled with the type of people I try to avoid, but everyone was friendly enough. The team was late, so we had a chance to enjoy the buffet and cash bar. For a free buffet, it was a pretty good selection. Then the team showed up.

They clearly weren't used to people paying attention to them. Most of the home games at Newman arena were sellouts, true. But the "arena", which is more like a gym, only holds a few thousand people. The only times I stepped on the court when I was at Cornell were for kickboxing class and to pick up my diploma in my College of Human Ecology specific ceremony.

Coach Donahue gave a nice talk, thanked everyone for coming and then it was over. Just like that.

I didn't realize it ahead of time but I was pretty happy to be there. I was proud of my school for making it that far in the tournament and for having the country cheer for them to beat the vaunted #1 seed Kentucky Wildcats. Kentucky ended up having the #1 overall draft pick in the 2010 NBA draft, John Wall... as well as a few other picks in the first round. Cornell was really playing a heavy favorite.

I went home that evening and noticed that single game tickets were available on Ticketmaster for $80. The price covered both games (West Virginia/Washington) as well. If Cornell somehow managed to beat Kentucky, an additional $80 would be necessary for the Regional Final. I jumped all over the ticket and off I was.

I ended up leaving work early that day and heading over to the Carrier Dome, by way of a park and ride that took an inordinate amount of time. What I noticed when I got to the SkyTop lot was that Kentucky travels very well. There were a LOT of fans decked out in UK blue all over the lot and on my bus to the arena. I ended up sitting with a very nice older gentleman who attended many of the Big Red games this year with his wife. He seemed very happy to be there. So was I.

I got to my seats very early and watched the first game, which was a bit of a snoozer. Kentucky/Cornell didn't tip until 10:00PM eastern time, so I knew that I was in for a long night. West Virginia handily beat Washington in front of a half full arena. And I had thought that I wasn't going to be able to get tickets.

But by the end of the 2nd half of that game, the place started filling up. And there was a lot of Red.

As luck would have it, I ended up behind the Cornell band in sort of a defacto Cornell Student section. Which thrilled me greatly. However, apart from the UK section, it was a very partisan crowd for Cornell. As for the UK fans, they were small in number but quiet. And they had Ashley Judd, who was in the building for the game. I only saw her from a distance, but she looked as pretty in person as she does on TV. Which is to say quite a bit. So good for UK for having that, but screw them... I was there for my school.

Cornell jumped out to an early lead. I lost my mind. So did many others. I lost my voice and didn't get it back until the next day. I was convinced that I was witnessing a colossal upset. It was a feeling something like euphoria. Then Kentucky remembered they were the #1 overall seed going into the tournament and started schooling Cornell bad. I'd say it got hard to watch, but that would be a lie. Cornell never went away. They never got so far behind that a comeback seemed out of range.

And then in the second half, they stormed back. Getting within two possessions on a Louis Dale stepback three, myself and a few thousand others lost our minds for a minute. It was one of the best sporting moments I'd ever witnessed in the flesh. In fact, it was clearly the best. Kentucky then kicked into another gear, with soon-to-be-#1 John Wall practically jumping out of the gym for some monster dunks. And it was over.

Cornell had come so very close, but were defeated by the clearly superior team. I was disappointed, sure, but I made the long slow walk back to the bus with a giant smile on my face. Cornell athletics just had its most relevant, most important in my lifetime. Most likely will remain so when my children are old enough to go to college.

I have a secret hope that my children will attend Cornell and follow in my footsteps. I didn't appreciate it while I was there but once away from Ithaca I realize how much I loved it, how much it improved me as a person, and how proud I am to be a member of the Big Red Family. And now, forever, I will have a story for my kids that starts out with "You know, you might not believe this, but once upon a time Cornell played in the Sweet 16 and I was there..."

I can see them rolling their eyes already.

someone kept off all the weight (not me)

Meaty J:

Skinny J:

Good boy.

Deck

My deck was in rough, rough shape. I wasn't sure if it was salvageable. My neighbor told me that it wasn't been stained or taken care of in way shape or form since it was put up. She said it was somewhere around 12 or 13 years ago that they put it up, which I believed. It didn't look very good.

So, after the door was installed, I figured that it needed some work. I started staining it around noon on a Saturday in June. And I didn't finish until just after 9:30. Luckily it was one of the longer days of the year so I had plenty of daylight. Although it was already dark by the time I finished. It was a hard, hard day of work. But I think it was worth it. Here's what it looks like now.

Big improvement, right? The big addition, besides the stain... was the deck swing. I always wanted one, and I got one. In fact, sometimes I even use it. Grill was there for over a year, but that was a good addition last summer. Also the flower pot, which I enjoy having there.

So that about covers most of the work I did on the house this year. I also added some stuff in the bedroom, changed out all the blinds/curtains but that's not worthy of a post. I also repainted my entire bathroom but I didn't even take pictures of that... it's a bathroom. Nothing to see really. New house... same as the old house. Just a little nicer.

Dining Room

What can I really say about the dining room? I just never did anything with it for two years. The only function it served was to hold my Christmas tree for a few weeks in December. That obviously had to change. I think it came out looking pretty good, pretty classy. Obviously the main change here was the addition of a patio door to connect the dining room to the deck, which has changed my life for the better. No more standing outside with Jack while he does his business.

He's already trained to come to the door when he's finished!

Before:

After:

It's kinda of pointless to say what's different, since all of it is. Key things to note (besides the door) is the light fixture, which was a lot harder to hang then it might look. It was heavy and it required being held up in place in order to hang properly. Talk about a pain in the ass.

The final image of Lost (well not quite final but pretty much) is hanging up in the dining room, but it's obscured in this image by the light fixture. So... spoiler free image. Actually room... not so much. Also have a cool lithograph that I quite like and some images I took myself from Australia/Italy hanging up.

Biggest change by far... and one that certainly came out very well.

Baby Steps... Living Room

So... I was feeling pretty crappy this morning. I was briefly cheered up by the back and forth Twitter conversation between Kanye West and Justin Bieber. The biggest reaction I got out of the whole thing was when Kanye suggested they do a track together... but also with Raekwon. I can only imagine.

But still... pretty crappy.

So I decided to get off my butt and go to the gym. I've been bad with it. I ran 3 times this week but no gym. But that solved everything. It was the toughest workout that I've had in about a year, which isn't really saying much. But I feel so much better now.

In an effort to put up some stuff on here that I haven't mentioned before... here are some before/after pictures of my house.

Living Room:

Before:

After:

Well, the brown had to go. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I grew to dislike it after only a month or two. It didn't even make it two years before I thought that I absolutely had to get rid of it. This was the first thing I did when I found out I was staying in Syracuse. So this was finished sometime around March. Went with an accent wall going up the staircase, which most people seem to like. I always had the tan/bold red color scheme in mind, in some form or fashion. I finally went through with it. The staircase is quite bold. Add in the couch pillows and curtains to match the wall and it turned out quite well (I already had the paintings).

I also moved the TV to a more viewer friendly center of the room. Got a nicer plant. Rearranged the DVD rack.

I'm very happy with this. It will stay as long as I live here.

Summer Movie Mega-Review: Part 2

Part One is right here.

We pick up with...

Despicable Me

Steve Carrell should give up half his paycheck for the horrible accent he was dishing out for this movie. And the character of Victor/Vector was annoying as shit. It took me a bit to figure out that was the point. The trailer certainly made it seem like he was supposed to be awesome. But once I realized he was supposed to be a Grade-A D-Bag then I relaxed a bit.

Plot twist, I loved this movie. The Minions were great. GREAT. My favorite was when they took the girls shopping and the one Minion had a mustache on like he was a real person. Oh, the nerve of that Minion posing as a man. What an unnatural situation! Huzzah! My sarcasm aside, this movie was good. It was heartwarming, it was very funny, and they did a nice job tying everything together at the end with the girls and Gru. For a 3D animated summer film, I can't really ask for anything more.

At least I didn't half to contemplate the futility of my existence and wonder what happened to all my favorite childhood toys...

8.5/10.

Inception

Ok, this is the big dog. The main movie of the summer. The one everyone has been talking about.

As a quick aside... internet, what the fuck is wrong with you? Silly question, I know, but can some of you people possibly have MORE time on your hands. Some of the theories I've read about this movie are so convoluted, so preposterous; they make those people who wanted to kill themselves so they can wake up in Pandora as a giant blue hairfucker almost look sane.

I've read everything from the entire mission was an Inception for Leonardo to be able to see his kids again, that the entire movie is a dream, etc. The craziest one I read was that the idea of an inception and the entire movie represented Christopher Nolan's desire to make an arthouse feature when he was trapped into the mold of making big budget blockbusters. I mean, are you kidding me people? I know that Lost is off the air and that we're all very very sad that Dr. Jack Shephard [censored censored censored] in that one crazy scene when he [censored censored] Ben Linus. I mean that was crazy, right? But it's over now and everyone needs something to think about. And who fucking needs books, right? To the internets with my conspiracy theory I go!

Movie was great. I typically want to punch Joseph Gordon Levitt in the face from the moment he appears on screen to the moment he leaves it, but I liked him quite a bit in this. He has taken back most of the goodwill he lost when he hosted SNL last year and spent the entire 90 minutes reenacting his gay showtune fantasy over and over and over again. Anybody out there going to be surprised when it's revealed that he's been fucking Neil Patrick Harris in a repeated behavior pattern over the last several years? No? I didn't think so. But he was good.

So was the film. There were a few things. Ellen Page was the best you could do? Seriously? No, really? When she's on film with Michael Cera spouting out Diablo Cody penned tripe then it's one thing. Everyone is too busy saying stuff like..."Oh look George Michael is all grown up now... sort of," and "did that bitch seriously just insert the phrase honest to blog into her script"? But you know, here she is with Leonardo DiCaprio. It's like you spent hours... perhaps years perfecting your basketball craft in the backyard against your cousin Phil who possibly has some type of autism (who can really be sure about this shit?) and you're quite proud of yourself for being a big man and beating him all the time. And then your dad is like... son I think you're quite good, I've arranged for LeBron James to come play you in some driveway hoops games. And then your world comes crashing down. That's sort of how a scene with Leo and Ellen Page played out. It's like a master actor and some girl who seems like she's reading her lines of a cue card far off in the distance. Or quite possibly wondering the quickest route she can take to the Birkenstock sale after she hops into her Subaru Forrester. That was distracting!

And also Cillian Murphy. It took me the entire damn movie of saying "who IS THAT GUY" before I realized he's the Scarecrow from Batman. Oops. Christopher Nolan is falling into that Hollywood pattern of running an incestuous streak throughout all his casts. Next thing you know you wind up with a bulldog who can only get pregnant with a turkey baster and pump out kids through a c-section because her vagina isn't quite positioned properly. I'm not bitter that I can't afford a bulldog or anything.

I mean, you've seen this movie, right? Do I even need to talk about it? There is an entire fight scene that takes place in zero G. Asskicking galore without gravity. ARE YOU NOT SOLD? It's long. 2 hours and 30 minutes. But unlike Avatar, you don't want to claw parts of your face out midway through the movie. It's all entertaining. And the climax of the movie is pretty much the entire last 90 minutes, so they don't really give you time to breathe. But that's awesome.

Without spoiling the ending... I'm an optimist and I always believe.

But, but BUT if he wasn't allowed in the United States due to his crimes, and that's the only reason he couldn't see them... then why didn't Michael Caine just fly the motherfucking kids to France, where he was clearly allowed to be? Boom... I just blew your fucking mind.

10/10.

Dinner for Schmucks

My opinion on this "film" is that someone owes me my money back. John Q. Moviegoer might say to themself..."Hey, I love Paul Rudd, I love Steve Carrell... man that guy from the Hangover is in this. It's gonna be awesome!" Well, friend, sit down. We need to talk. This was awful. Awful. The worst movies I've seen in the theater include:

- The Jason Biggs epic "Loser".

- Revolutionary Road.

- This piece of shit.

- Dinner for Schmucks.

Let's get the positives out of the way. The "Flight" alums Jemaine Clement and Kristen Schaal were pretty great. Jemain in particular stole the show as Kieran. Ok. Positives over.

Let me understand something. You hit this fucking loser with your car and in the course of one day and a half he fucks up your entire life. He ruins your relationship, brings a disturbed psycho ex back into your life that destroys your entire department and your entire car, gets you audited, ruins your major business deal. He does all this running around with dead mice in his pocket.

And at the end of the movie the conclusion that you come to is that he's not a loser and that you've been seeing life from the wrong perspective this entire time?

FUCK THAT.

Also, right, you hit this stranger with your car and he just never leaves? You allow him to follow you around constantly, despite the fact that everything he touches turns to shit. You let him sleep over. He's a stranger. You just met him hours prior. And not only that... you only met when you STRUCK. HIM. WITH. YOUR. VEHICLE.

I hate everything about this. The story was bad. Carrell was unredeemable. The "my wife left me because I'm a loser but really I'm so sweet" was forced and annoying. That guy WAS a loser who deserved be alone. What woman wants to snuggle up with a guy whose hands smell like dead mice and formaldehyde? You're trying to make a sympathetic figure out of this? Seriously?

But the movie got an ovation when it was over at the theater, so what the fuck do I know. High tolerance required.

0/10.

The Other Guys
Expectations are a hell of a thing. It applies to every aspect of life. Music, movies, opposite sex. You expect greatness and get good then it sucks. You expect garbage and get mediocrity, then you're Scrooge McDuck, baby... swimming in a pile of money.

Flashback a few years ago and Will Ferrell was a bulletproof tiger. Anchorman will remain one of the most brilliant movies of my lifetime until the day I die. Just pure epic perfection from start to finish. Ricky Bobby... very funny. Blades of Glory was ok... slipping but ok. Then you have Semi Pro, which some people seem to like but I only managed a few chuckles. Step Brothers, which in fact walked out of... something I NEVER do (to catch a The Dark Knight for a 2nd time - wise choise).

So I went into this last weekend not knowing what to expect. I certainly didn't expect what I got. Which was awesomeness. First of all, some of the running jokes throughout the movie were pure perfection. Michael Keaton in a Bed Bath and Beyond apron inadvertently dropping random TLC song titles into his conversations and repeatedly getting called out on it? Brilliant. "C'mon, guys, you know that I Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg. Seriously, that's the wording you're choosing to use?" All the smoking hot chicks constantly loving Ferrell's loser character? Loved that. The "yankee clipper"... brilliant.

The way they handled The Rock and Samuel L. Jackson, which I won't spoil, was unexpected and awesome beyond words.

There was a definite dark streak running through this movie. And I liked it.

This is typical Will Ferrell/Adam McKay goodness. I'd call it a definite return to form. Wahlberg isn't too bad, although "what's up donkey? say hi to your mother for me" was running through my head just about every time he talked.

Still in theaters and a definite recommendation.

8.5/10

Still to come this summer... only two movies "The Expendables" and "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World" (I will never quit you George Michael Bluth). Also "Machete" if we're running past Labor Day.

Everyone get out to the movies. It's good for you.

Summer Movie Mega-Review: Part 1

My summer movie season got started a little late. I still haven't seen "Iron Man 2" or "Robin Hood", and the first movie I actually saw in the 2010 summer movie "season" was...

MacGruber:

I'm still a big SNL fan. I watch every week and I am consistently entertained. MacGruber is funny every once in awhile, but I wasn't sure that it would be able to carry its own movie. I mean, these are 30 second skits we are talking about here. Granted, most SNL movies are stretched from a 5 minute skit. So automatically, this movie is 6x the stretch a normal SNL movie would be.

Well, guess what? It was awesome. I laughed the entire time. The sex scene between MacGruber and Vickie St. Elmo (Kristen Wiig) needs to be seen to be believed. And seriously... Vickie St. Elmo? That's so very, very awesome. MacGruber rolls everywhere with his trusty car stereo and isn't afraid to offer up a blowjob for whatever he needs to get done. This isn't as fresh in my mind 3 months out from seeing it. I'm going to need to watch this one again, which would be a treat. I laughed throughout.

8/10.

Get Him to the Greek

Parts of this were very, very funny. Russell Brand is, of course, his normal self. His "out-of-touch" rocker was pretty hilarious. The entire African child video set at the beginning is a pretty nice parody of the clueless rockstar and there were a few moments when he was describing his thought process that were pretty funny. All of the songs, filthy as they were, were pretty entertaining with some clever lyrics. I love almost anything that is clever.

P. Diddy stole the show. This is a sentence I never thought I would type. But he did. He was pretty funny. You might not have realized it when you started this paragraph but I've been mind fucking you the entire time. The picture you see above is a direct result of his most glorious mindfuck on Brand/Hill.

This wasn't all good. The serious parts with Aldous Snow's dad didn't really work for me. Neither did the whole threesome scene with Jonah Hill and his girlfriend. Actually, let me rephrase that. The entire girlfriend thing didn't work. We were supposed to believe that Hill was such a bad person and he was so wrong and as an audience we were supposed to come to the realization that he needs her in his life to survive at the same time we did. But I certainly didn't. She wasn't very nice, likeable, or seemingly that interested in him. He probably would have been better off bailing on that bitch. So that definitely didn't work for me.

But mostly this one was pretty good.

6/10.

The A-Team

The casting worked. And that was probably the most critical aspect as to whether this was going to be a success or a colossal failure. I have to admit that although I grew up in the 80s, I never really watched the original A-Team, so I didn't really have much of a basis for comparison. The character of Murdoch was my favorite. Crazy and very funny.

One of the main things I was wondering about going in was how former UFC lightheavyweight champion Quentin "Rampage" Jackson would do filling in Mr. T's shoes as BA Baracus. He did a better than alright job; he was one of the best parts of the movie, in my opinion. Was a mostly believable actor, looked believable in the action scenes and delivered his comedy lines very well. A lot of his scenes elicited big reactions from the audience when I saw the movie.

But let's be realistic. It's a brainless summer action film. And it delivers. I mean, there is a scene where they have a tank battle in mid air. I mean, that's the kind of shit that you don't see every day. I called the ending with Major Dad betraying them about half way through the movie. I don't have to really worry about that being a major spoiler, because maybe about 3 people in the world will get the Major Dad reference.

6.5/10

Toy Story 3

Let's get one thing out of the way right off the bat. This movie was soul crushingly sad. I'm sorry but Pixar, cut the shit. The opening 10 minutes of Up! was heartwrenching enough, but that wasn't enough for you. You need to drag that feeling out over at least 35-40 minutes of this movie.

I can't make this clear enough: I actually thought the toys were going to die. And it made me very, very depressed. I was thinking, what the fuck is going on here? throughout pretty much the entire incinerator "hell" scene. And when they just accepted they were going to die and all held hands in a makeshift prayer circle? What the fuck was that? I mean, seriously! The theater was packed with children!

Also there was the half uplifting/half depressing stuff. Like the entire ending when Andy brought the toys to the new girl. I was fighting back tears the whole time... now, granted, I used to cry at movies all the time but I haven't in years (except Marley and Me. For that I was sobbing on my couch). This almost broke the streak. But it was sad in a very well done way. Very solid film.

The movie is awesome. Obviously. It's a Pixar movie. And they haven't failed yet. Some hilarious parts, like Spanish Buzz, Trixie the dinosaur... Mr Potato head as the tortilla. Some really great stuff in here.

As I posted on Facebook at the time, though, the premise is really flawed. These toys are sentient beings, as has been shown on multiple occasions. They can see and hear even when Andy is in the room. Andy is now going off to college, and they still somehow think he's an innocent child waiting to play with them? Don't any of the producers of this film remember being a male in high school? These toys got to see Andy doing a lot of extra special exercises in that room, I'm sure. Probably 3-4 times a day between the ages of 13-16. So, you know, good for them. I wonder what Buzz Lightyear thought of it, and if he wanted to have an expedition to determine the composition of that substance that Andy had no choice to constantly try to get rid of. I don't know.

So, yeah... Pixar. Toy Story.

10/10.

Knight and Day

Ok, so it's like this. You used to like your one friend. Let's call him John. You were quite fond of John. But somewhere along the way, John got a little too big for his britches... you came home one day and found John having sex with your wife. You don't like John. And you're like, what the hell, John... you used to be so awesome. What happened?

So imagine now that a few years pass and you kind of forget about John. But you're still aware that John most definitely pulled your wifes hair and did her really hard from behind. But then you remember that one time he did something hilarious and funny. So you kind of laugh a little bit and say... "Oh, John that loveable scamp. I'll never forgive you for being crazy and having sex with my wife, but we certainly had some good times."

Now imagine that a friend of yours talks you into spending an afternoon watching John have sex with your wife. And not only that, but John is going to pull out all of his special moves. All the ones that you remember fondly. The kind that are going to make you crack a smile and say..."Oh, that John!" Now, you probably don't want any part of this, and why should you? John has done you wrong and you don't trust him. He sexed your wife super super hard! But against your better judgment you go and check out a matinee of John boning your wife (3D showings were sold out).

You get there and you're like... Man, you know what, man, I don't know about this. But because you're my friend and you think I should see this, then I shall see this. And 15 minutes later you're watching the show and you're like... man, John hasn't changed a bit. He's having sex with my wife, which sucks, but he's exactly the same. And I forgot just how awesome that same is. I think I love John.

And he goes through all the John motions. And the next thing you know, he's making John faces and using the John voice. And you're loving every minute of it. 90 minutes later, you kinda almost forget that were even married to this woman and you just want John to be happy. John has that kind of charisma. John could be that guy. You love John. But on your way out of there... you remind yourself that was your wife and John did in face bend her over a coffee table and break some of your favorite china in the process of pleasuring her. You'll never truly forgive him for what he's done. But you still love him.

This is that movie.

9/10.

Continue to Part 2.

accurate depiction?

For one reason or another I recently went back and read all the post I've made over the past year. It left me with one lingering impression. Is this an accurate depiction of who I really am as a person? That's what it's supposed to be, right?

I think as I wrote this I envisioned it filling in the holes and elaborating on things people see on Facebook or what have you, but that is probably not always the case. I wrote a few posts that generated a lot of traffic for me over the past year. (this and this) The second of those two generated probably half of the 3000+ hits this little blog has amassed since its inception approximately a year and a half ago. What if they stuck around? What if you weren't on Facebook, or didn't know what was going on in my life one way or another? Does this blog convey who I am?

I'm leaning towards no.

For one thing, I complain a lot more. I'd like to think, hope to God actually, that I'm not this bad in real life. I don't think I am.

Most importantly, it heavily focuses on a few key issues while mainly leaving out the rest. For instance, reading this blog would you ever know that I was in a relationship from August of last year to July of this year? I don't think it was ever really mentioned. There could be possible subconscious reasons for that, but overall I think it's a gross oversight. I've mentioned the remodeling I've done to my house a few times, but never actually provided pictures directly on here. Again, under the incorrect assumption that anyone could see them on Facebook.

It hits home in a few key areas, though. I do care about my weight and how I look very much. I'd have to for how much I write about it. I like fashion, traveling, dogs, music, and especially movies. They all get mentioned a lot. As they should. Because that's who I am.

But it's not everything.

Since I'm just starting up again I need to write some mini movie reviews. I go just about every week. Marissa and I went a lot this past year, me dragging her to some movies she didn't really want to see on occasion. Now that I'm single again I've reintroduced one of my favorite things. Sunday morning matinees all by myself. I don't know how to explain it, but I really enjoy going to movies and concerts by myself. I've seen just about every movie this summer so I'll get around to doing that at some point, maybe this weekend.

Mostly, as a person, I am paralyzed by choices. I've always felt like I'd be better served if I just really loved one thing at the expense of all the rest. Because nothing ever really gets my full attention. After some consideration I've realized that's just who I am, who I will be, and something I need to embrace. But for the variety of things that I get myself into during the course of the year, I'll try to do a better job conveying it.

But don't get too confused, there will still be plenty of diet/exercise posts. :)

loungin' and the lack thereof

When I first bought my house one of the main things that I wanted to do was put in a patio door and get a swing for my deck. I quickly realized that cost money I didn't exactly have, so that would have to wait a bit. Fast forward two years and I was able to do this very thing approximately two months ago.

This is currently being typed out while laying on the swing while Jack runs around the yard attempting (and failing) to play with the neighbors dog through the fence. I should probably get out here more, but at the very least I get out on the deck a few times a day. Usually it's just a few minutes at a time, but I am working on spending more time here.

It's probably not as peaceful as I hoped, with a large group of people always hanging out next door, a nosy neighbor adjacent to the back yard and my new neighbor on the other side usually doing something in his back yard to make Jack go crazy. But it's very nice.

And I think I was justified two years ago when I decided that this was something I really wanted. Relaxation is something that I really like to do at home, especially after a hard day at work. Or a day like today when I'm just starting to exercise again and my whole body hurts. But there are definitely situations where I don't like to relax.

I've always loved to travel and I need to work more towards that. I prefer traveling to vacations. Hopefully you can understand what I mean by that. I can only really handle the beach for two days at the max, and the last time I went on a "real" beach vacation, to Belize, I got sea-sick twice and my then-girlfriend and myself almost drowned on a sea kayak with a hole in the bottom (blaming each other for the constant tipping for nearly 15 minutes before figuring out what the real problem was)...

I've mentioned before that I always wanted to be well traveled. But that goal has failed spectacularly over the last 5 years. I lived in Australia for six months in 2002, seeing the entire continent and the Southern half of New Zealand. My senior year Spring Break trip was a 10 day trip about Italy, hitting most major cities and some smaller ones that I absolutely loved (Assisi was a highlight of the trip). Then, Belize in 2005. After that, I didn't even step foot on an airplane until late 2009 when I had a job interview in Washington, DC. How pathetic is that! I just recently went to Los Angeles, which was a great trip, but not really what I'd consider traveling. So, what kind of traveling am I interested in?

It's been a goal of mine since college to go to China and climb the Great Wall of China, and I'm thinking that I'm gonna start making strides towards that. When I think about it realistically, it seems like that is approximately two years away in reality. My tax return and bonus for 2011 are already all pretty much wrapped up in all the home improvement projects that I did this year and the winter of 2011 will also most likely bring a new furnace, but this idea is definitely back on the forefront of my mind. There are obstacles, obviously, but from what I understand you can get around just fine in China speaking English. They just charge you more money. So that's one of the goals I'm working on, along with my other main goal which I'm sure I'll spend much more time talking about.

Just something I've been thinking about lately.

where i'm at

There are definitely days where I feel like an alcoholic who has woken up facedown in a gutter somewhere after three years of sobriety. It's a question of: how the fuck did I get here? I know exactly how I've gotten to where I am at, but the main question I still have for myself is how the hell did I let this happen?

I told myself I was at rock bottom months ago... before I was down to 5% of my wardrobe and filled to the brim with self loathing. I am making a conscious effort right now to remember how bad I currently feel every day so that this never happens again. And I feel pretty bad on some days.

That sounds really negative, and to be honest, it is because it has to be. But the goal of this process is to realize that this is in fact a process (sorry Kanye West on my brain) that requires effort and that I have a long sobering year of hard work ahead of me. It will be behind me at some point; it always is. The problem is that I've been here before on more than one occasion. And the last time was supposed to be the last time. Just like the time before that, and the time before that.

I'm not allowed to get away with much before the consequences become very clearly evident. That's just the hand I was dealt. Just like I was blessed with a great memory and a captivating wit and charm ('sup ladies)... you win some, you lose some. It's just that every once and awhile, I forget that I'm on a short leash and I find myself in a mess of shit.

Now I stand before you up to my armpits in said mess of shit, and I need to get out.

Although to be fair, it's been a long year of sloth and laziness, and it's getting difficult to shake the cobwebs off. There are some thoughts out there in the world of personal finance about how paralysis by analysis can stop people from investing, because they try to plan out the "perfect" investment strategy. As a result of this they just wind up never doing anything. Well, I've kinda been guilty of the same thing. "Oh, I've gotta run. Get up every morning and run! Oh, I've gotta lift... lift 5 times a week. Gotta try to get in shape so I can do crossfit/mma training, whatever." What it leads to is a whole lot of I'll get started on that "this coming Monday's" and a whole bunch of inaction.

I've decided that I'm just gonna do whatever feels good at the time, and right now I'm going to work on lifting and getting my foundation back. I'm going the whole nine yards on this, I think. There will be (already is) pictures, which hopefully you can all see some day. Because the only way another human being who is not myself is ever going to see them is if there is a killer "after". I've set up some goals and things I'd like to achieve over the next year. They aren't marked with firm deadlines, but mostly general timeframes. Most importantly, they are achievable and realistic. I plan on this spanning into the spring of 2011 without interruption. It's still summer '10, as you know, so this is a marathon.

I kinda talked about a lot of the same things last year, but the main issue with last year is that even at the worst point things weren't really that bad. That's not the case this year; not the case right now. I can only remember two times in my life when things were worse. The last time was right around the time I decided to quit graduate school, and the situation was prett similar to where it is now. Bad, not the end of the world. I got my head in the right place and slowly but surely fixed the problem. The worst I've ever been (by far) was late 2005/early 2006, living with my ex-girlfriend Amy. Things got really out of hand, and she tried to help me in the right direction but my head was really in another place at that point, and it was pretty useless. And too late for me at that time, as it took me two years after that to wake up. It was too late for us to, for a variety of reasons, but I've have to imagine that was chief among them, at least on her end.

There is no us to worry about now, but I've finally realized that this has to be all about me. A lot of times in the past I felt like I had to do such and such to change the way other people perceive me or the way people felt about me, but I'm realizing now that's secondary.

I don't feel as negative as this sounds, but if you really know me then you know that I am my own harshest critic and I'm a very realistic person. I know what my faults are and I know what I need to work on. No one is ever going to surprise me with a complaint about me that I haven't already considered myself. This is a pep talk to myself that other people can read.

Tomorrow is a brand new day, and even though tomorrow is Monday it's not going to be another "this coming Monday." It's time to set things straight.