funnnn winter

It just turned to Fall, and it would appear that I'm lucky at mostly a boring Fall/Winter. Things are very busy at work, which helps make the weeks zoom by, but socially things are going to be in a bit of a lull.

After some consideration last month, especially in relation to my little contest/bet/experiment, I decided on a strict "no girls allowed" policy from now until March 21st. Kinda hilarious to think that I have to tell myself that, because it's not like there is a line around the block that has been patiently waiting since July for me to stick my head out the door and say... "Oh yes, I am ready for you all now. Single file, girls." But, you know, that's how it's gonna be.

So, what am I gonna be doing? Have a few visitors planned. Going to be doing a lot of running. Football on Sundays, of course. There's also video games (this helps with the no girls policy, also)... including a new Fallout game. Love Fallout. It's a shooter/RPG set in a post apocalyptic society and if you're a girl reading this right now please stop touching yourself from my suggestive rugged sexuality. Just cut it out. This is a family blog.

Books. Lots of books. Gonna get all up in these Jonathan Franzen books that have been praised to high heaven. A friend of mine from graduate school compared "Freedom" to "East of Eden", which some of you might know is my favorite book. So that perked up my ears. It's currently sitting on my nightstand just waiting for me. But I have to finish the book I'm currently reading before I do that. It's the last of a trilogy, that's further part of a series of trilogies. It's a fantasy book with magical swords, magic, elves, shit like that. You know... that's how I roll. And again, girls... hands where I can see them.

We have a big Halloween party planned. I'll actually be in PA that weekend, as I'm on my way to NJ for a conference on Nov 1-2, so it works out. Trying to figure out what I want to be. I was thinking Dexter, as I found his "kill shirt/kill gloves" on Amazon, but man... I don't know. Dexter wears a skin tight shirt and he's kinda jacked, which I'm not really pulling off at this point. Gotta be authentic, right? If I'm looking for realism, I can always be Grimace, or the Syracuse Orange mascot (is it Otto? I don't fucking know...), maybe a perfect circle, a planet. You get the gist. I gotta think about it still. Might still do Dexter, if I can find an American Apparel long sleeve henley (Dex's preferred murder garb) that fits me right. Which probably isn't the case. Got some time to think about it.

Does it sound like I'm upset about this? Cause I'm actually not at all. I feel like time is absolutely flying. I almost feel like I have no time these days, even though I'm not running around like a madman. I work a lot more than I did the past two years ever since I started my new job a few months ago. A lot of days I don't get home til' 6. Dinner and exercise later and it's 8:30 and then what? I'm almost ready for bed. That leads to me trying to squeeze everything into Saturday (because Sunday is spoken for) and it's just zipping past.

I also realize that I'm gonna save some money and wind up a better person by March 21st so it's all good.

I read this little motivational blurb which was actually quite simple. The gist of it was, do you want to do something? Imagine you started working towards it 4 months ago. The last 4 months seem like they went by really fast right?Picture how far along you would be if you just started 4 months ago. The time would have gone by just as quickly. And I'm trying to live by that.

also a cheer up pic

the downside of dieting

Here's the type of cheer up picture I was looking for last night.

depressed

I usually end up mildly depressed on Sunday night. I never really felt that way in my life and didn't understand the whole "boo Monday" people. That was all before I started working for the sterling gem of a person that I work for now. I dread it so much.

On top of that, Dexter was like an hour long stomach punch.

Boo.

I just googled "Cheer Up Picture" for something to put here and the first hit in the google image search was FUCKING AWFUL. It was a dead girl post car accident in a prom dress covered in blood while her horrified date looked on. Damn you, internet. :(

No picture now.

the denial of grandchildren

Hey, I won a public speaking contest today for Toastmasters International. It was a humorous speech contest that had to be between 5-7 minutes. Here is a fairly accurate replication of my speech - I ad-libbed a bit. I think a funny speech worked best for me. I've only given a few speeches and I've already won a contest. Most of the speech is 100% true but some parts have been slightly embellished to add a small dose of humor.

"Thank you Mrs. Contest Chair, fellow toastmasters, honored guests. I want everyone here today to know that it’s a currently a VERY happy time in my life. I’m 28 years old and for the last two months I’ve been a single man. Granted, it’s only been two months so the excitement may wear off, but for now I am very happy. It’s been many years since I’ve been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year. For the past few years, what I’ve lacked in quality, I’ve done my best to make up for in quantity. Two years ago I spent the entire opening day of the NFL season picking berries, to my great delight. Last year I spent it at an outlet mall saying, “Oh, yes, that blouse looks so lovely.” But this year I spent the entire day in front of the TV watching football. This makes me very happy.

Not everyone is happy that I’m currently single. My mother has been begging me to have children since I graduated from college. Whether I have a girlfriend at the time or not means nothing in relation to her request. “Michael, when are you going to have children?” she asks at least once per month. Unfortunately for my mother, I don’t think it’s going to be any time in the near future. A lot of you in the room are parents. I want you to think about how you would react if your son or daughter called and told you that they were expecting a child. Depending on the situation, some of you might be thrilled. Some of you might be horrified. I think that given the circumstances of my life, thrilled should not describe the way my mother would feel if I called and gave her the news. But… I’ve long suspected that if by some accident I winded up as an expectant father with someone I barely knew that my mother’s reaction would be quite different from that of most parents. Very recently I asked her if that was the case. I said, “Mom, if I winded up getting some stranger pregnant, you’d be thrilled, wouldn’t you?” And she sheepishly replied, “I would.”… just as I suspected. One of my mother’s favorite things to tell me is that I need to hurry up and have children so I’m not changing her diapers at the same time I’m changing my children’s diapers. My mom recently turned 59, so I think she’s being a little dramatic.

Once upon a time, I thought I was going to get married. My college sweetheart and I were together for 3 years, and she’s probably the reason I’m standing here talking to you today. I graduated a year ahead of her, and went down south to pursue my graduate degree. The year apart was hard. So I decided to leave school at the University of North Carolina to come back north in order for us to be together. Less than six months later I was sleeping on an air mattress in the basement while she went out on a date with her new boyfriend. It’s because of this that I’ve long suspected that the movie “Good Will Hunting” ends with Matt Damon traveling across the country to “see about a girl.” There’s probably a reason that they don’t show what happens when he gets there! Considering how he treated her for the majority of the movie, it was probably a bloodbath. Before long he’d be back in Boston working construction with Ben Affleck and everyone is miserable again. Just like the old days.

One thing I’d like to make clear while I have the opportunity. Whether I’m single or I’m not… I NEVER sleep alone. [hold up picture of Jack] Sure! He’s pretty lazy. He’s hairy, and a lot of times he smells bad, but I’m sure that a lot of women could probably say the same thing about their husbands.

The truth is… I’m 28 years old and I’m focused on my career. If something great comes along, fine. But I’m not going to be out searching for something that I don’t feel like I desperately need in my life. There will come a time in my life when everything falls into place and I wind up in a wonderful situation. Knowing this is why I’m very happy right now… unless any of you happen to talk to my mother in the near future. In that case, I’m out looking for my future wife at this very moment and I won’t rest until I find that special someone. Mrs. Contest Chair."

The next round is October 14th where I have to give the same speech. We'll see how that goes.

motivation is everywhere

My competition started today. I put the treadmill together on Saturday. It's fancy... more features than I expected for the $700 price tag. It has a nice fan that blows on my face, mp3 playout, programs, and a nice incline. I am happy. I ran today, nice and slow. Jack was amused. Dipping, darting, and diving around like I was getting ready to play with him. After 15 minutes or so he realized that I was only running in one direction and not back to chase him.

I don't really want to talk about that right now.

This video has been making its way around the net:

I find it very touching. Maybe it's the song, maybe it's the editing, but I almost cried watching this. Looks like a whole new person by the end, right? It's out there for the taking. And you don't have to starve or kill yourself to do it. Just work. Put in the work and good things will happen. I truly believe this.

In terms of realistic goals, this guy was bigger than I'll ever be. His current skinny weight is not much less than what I weight now. For all the times I call myself a whale, walrus, blimp, manatee, or whatever... I am being over dramatic. If this guy can do it - I can do it. I've been a wonderful excuse maker for nearly a year now. It's so easy to let it all slip away.

Please take a moment and check out this individual's blog at bendoeslife.tumblr.com. The blog is good (not as good as the video - but good) and I support the guy 100%.

I will talk later about some of my goals, what milestones I will reward myself at and what those rewards will be. The $500 bet has one clear purpose. It's a safety net. There are those moments when I'm driving home from work and I think that I don't feel like cooking and "x-restaurant" is right there. In the past I pull in - now I keep driving.

I'm going to try to limit posts about this to once a week or so, but I saw this video and I felt like it just had to be posted.

Seize the day. It sounds corny, but sometimes corny is ok.

here it goes again

Not the Ok Go song. But there are treadmills involved.

Monday I begin a 6 month, $500 challenge/bet/gentleman's agreement between a close friend of mine and myself. The rules are quite simple. Lose 50 pounds in 6 months or pay. If both noted gentlemen make the agreed terms by the first day of Spring, then nothing happens. If one does and the other doesn't, then the "loser" pays the "winner" $500. If neither make it (heaven forbid!), then $2000 gets donated to charity ($500 from each and Bristol matches all my charitable contributions 100%). The chosen charity is the ASPCA, as chosen by yours truly.

Now, how did this come about? Talking, as I do every day to my friend, complaining about how unhappy we are that we are out of shape. And he happened to mention how competitive we both are and something like this would help us both out. It was just a throwaway comment. And while I was sitting there with the wheels turning, he said..."wait, that's not a bad idea." I instantly threw out a $100 challenge. We both quickly agreed that we both make good money, $100 might not really be enough. If we didn't really feel like, well, fuck it... I'll just pay the $100. $500, though, that would hurt. And so it was set.

I have absolutely no doubt that I can do this. Unfortunately, I've done it before. Which is sad, if you think about it, because no one should have to lose 50 pounds more than once. It's not like I'm a blimp or walrus or anything (despite what I may think) but this will be good for me.

In fact, my plans are bigger. I have a strict, structured detailed plan that goes through and beyond the allotted time. I doubt I'll surpass the 50 pounds in six months by much. If I finish a month in advance, I'll be very lucky. I'm thinking I'll squeak by with a 2 week margin for error, which is actually a fair bit when you're counting on approximately a 2 lb/wk weight loss. But going forward, I have some ideas about some things I want to do that will get me to an even better place. All of the things I want to do cost money, which is why they haven't been done up to this point.

My boss goes to a crossfit personal trainer, at an exorbitant insane price of $300 for ten 30 minute sessions, but it's something I may decide to do for one ten pack, maybe two if I love it. Can't do it on my own - won't be able to do as well. But the price! So high! We'll see. Also, a guy I know through an ex-gf of mine runs an MMA gym and I may look at that in the future. That's also expensive, I think around $100/month, so these are not things to consider lightly.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

My plan is quite simple actually. Be healthy, don't be a slob, and remember to exercise at least 5 times a week. Nothing crazy, because that shit isn't necessary. People make simple things more complicated than they need to be. It's much easier to make excuses and try crazy things then to be disciplined and do the boring, unsexy things that need to be done to get the job done.

So, you know, updates of some nature to come. Not that often because I realize it's boring. But then again, not like I've been lighting up the switchboard with posts lately. But here we go now.

me in 20

I was 27 when the picture was taken... so I'd take it for 47.

baby i got a plan...

... run away as fast as you can.

Good Fridays

Kinda been obsessed with Kanye West lately. Not only does he operate the most hilarious twitter feed on the planet, but to be honest, if I had cash and was in shape then I'd be rocking a similar style. I respect the shit out of his new "bring back the suit" movement and holding private shows with strict dress codes. Be respectable, people. I aim to be a better dresser myself, so I gotta work on this.

Now, about 6 weeks ago he announced Good Friday on his twitter feed. What that means is that he drops a new track every Friday. This is where he's really got me, because this music is straight fire. It started with:

Bouncy, breezy... perfect for summer. Kind of a theme with some of these songs. Some very clever lines here, which I'm always a sucker for. Plus, Beyonce and all. "Uncle Charlie on the track, and Imma let you finish but I got Beyonce on the track."

First Taylor Swift joke only took two tracks.

Then:

Loved the original power, so add Jay-Z and a killer breakdown featuring the "I've Got the Power" song from the late 80s/early 90s where Kanye just KILLS IT.

Also: "in search of the truth even if it goes through Taylor Swift, tell her this..."

This is the only one I haven't been feeling, but people are creamin' over the Nicki Minaj verse at the end. I don't really like her, so meh.

This is my favorite, by far. Devil in a New Dress... just has got that vibe. Too sick. Reminds me of "Ms. Fatbooty" by Mos Def, not in the sense that it sounds similar but it just gives me that feeling. I think it's the sample in both. Also, this song has some killer lines.

And this last night. I think you had me at the motherfuckin' Biz Markie sample, but after that... this is perfect for the end of summer. Light, breezy... lovin' that piano. "Good Fridays... I hope you have a nice weekend" is a great way to close the track.

Getting shit like this once a week makes me spoiled... hope it lasts. FYI, most of those videos might be dead by the time you read this. Copyright claims flying left and right.

Prefer this to 808s and Heartbreak 100 times out of 100.