and now we shut it down

Ok, this was fun.

But because we (me) can't have nice things, it's time to contain my narcissism and oversharing to Facebook for awhile.

If I'm being honest, I know the reason why I still write this after two years, and it's not a good or healthy reason. The characters may change, but the way they fuel me never does. Same reason I do public speaking, just a different audience. So, why not channel it? I'm working on an idea in my head for a story and unlike most of my other stupid ideas - I've actually run this one by other people... and they seem to like it. So, we'll see. I've taken on way too many "resolutions" so to speak, but why not?

Not to mention, the blog has lead to nothing but trouble over the last few months, in a variety of forms... so let's cool it down, a bit.

I think my last two posts (minus the coat post) were a good way to go on a suspended hiatus. Back in Feb/March probably. Don't forget to check out my 365, which I am still working on...

productivity at work

No one is at work this week, but you know... I'm there. None of this could have been possible without Patrick. This was a lot harder then it may at first appear. Don't love the picture, but I didn't feel like trying it another 15 times... best we could do with a crappy iPhone camera, I guess.

boo gilt

Was going to post that Gilt had a sweet deal on winter coats today (I got a triple lined Columbia coat for $99) because I wanted the $25 referral fees, but now I see they've changed their policy to free shipping for every 10 referrals! Holy crap. The cost of a referral just went from $25 to about $0.60. Glad I got like $150 worth of free clothes when I did.

You still sell me very nice clothes and I can never stop loving you for that. Never ever.

2010 in review...

Last week I gave a very brief synopsis of why I'm kind of excited for 2011, but here's a quick recap of 2010. Everything here is straight off the top of my head. I'm probably forgetting some things, but I guess if this is what I remember then it was what was most memorable.

January: Start the year off with a bang by having the flu on New Year's Eve, surrounded by what appeared to be all delicious food that I couldn't eat. I tried a little and almost puked all over. Get some cat allergies going at the same time. Really rang in the New Year. Not the most memorable month. Went on a five small meals a day diet... lost 15 pounds without exercising. Gave it up at the end of the month because it was too hard. Remember very clearly when I said screw it; a Syracuse Crunch game where I had nachos and enjoyed every bite. I had a lot of fun at the game - there was a fight and we had good tickets. Worked the money booth at the Syracuse game with Marissa - had fun doing that.

February: Very nice Valentine's Day at Lemongrass. Very nice 28th Birthday at the Casino, with Brazilian steakhouse, and I won $600! Get $4000 back on my tax return, spend $0 because I'm still afraid I'm going to be unemployed soon. Spend the whole month working crazy overtime due to being the lead in our group on a manufacturing investigation. Get a lot of recognition (and money - because I was still hourly and overtime is 1.5x). Rush Jack to the vet after Marissa notices spots in his eyes and I freak the F out. Vet says they are lipid deposits and they are harmless but he will have them forever (they are now gone).

March: Get my new job! Yay! No more work stress. Big raise, start a 401k. Become a big boy, finally (owning a house for 2 years wasn't enough). Take a week off between jobs, spend the entire time eating bar food and drinking with Bob and the boys. Get to Scranton just in time for the parade, which I was really looking forward to, but Bob and I have a terrible time. We get there too late and everyone was already hammered - and we were not appropriately dressed for the cold. Start spending all the money I've saved up for months and months. Start with some artwork at a charity auction. Redo the living room and upstairs hallway in tan with the red accent wall going up the staircase. Also buy a new refrigerator and dishwasher. Go see the Cornell University Big Red play the only meaningful basketball game they've ever played in my life, losing to Kentucky in the Sweet 16. Have a giant smile on my face for days just thinking about it.

April: I don't remember much of April. I spent the best superfluous $300 I've ever spent on Dr. Dre Beats headphones, which I still use just about every single day. Get a new bed set, update all the curtains upstairs, getting rid of the previous owners hideous tan blinds in the bedroom. Repaint the bathroom. Get a new dining room table and light fixture. Repaint the dining room sage green. Break in at my new job.

May: Go see Stephen Strasburg pitch twice at the Chiefs. He gives up 1 hit over 2 games, strikes out about 15 and looks like a man playing with middle schoolers. Go on a lot of hiking trips/expeditions with Marissa, including Ithaca for Memorial Day. We spend a lot of time buying flowers, which she graciously plants for me all over. My neighbors finally stop hating me. Get my patio door installed after nearly 2 years of looking at space on a wall and wishing it were there! Spend the entire day of installation with Jack, at Green Lakes. Copious amounts of jailbait in bikinis swarm Jack and tell me what a pretty dog he is. I try to be polite and only stare a certain amount as to not get arrested. Spend an entire day (11am to 8pm straight) staining the deck. Assemble my deck swing and relax. :)

June: I don't remember June? Got a kiddie pool for Jack. He hated it. It was used once. That's all I remember?

July: 5 days in Los Angeles. Have In-N-Out burger for the first time - find it lives up to the hype. Reunite with the Pacific Ocean after 8 painful years. Lay on the floor at 1am while still in LA and realize I need to break up with my girlfriend - do so in not the best way. Come to realize that LA traffic is as bad as advertised. Bob and Gorzo visit. I win $600 at the Casino for the 2nd straight visit. We have a crazy night drinking downtown and end up with some bridal party. Mom finally visits. She buys me lots more flowers. I remember this being a very busy and hectic month. Foolishly restart this blog.

August: Spend way too much money drafting fantasy football teams. Have the absolute craziest night of my life at the fantasy football draft in PA. The next day we all gather around and nearly die laughing looking at all the pictures on my camera. Become way too accustomed to half day Friday summer hours at work. See lots and lots of movies. Be lazy.

September: Initiate a 6 month, $500 weight loss challenge with one of my best friends. Promptly lose 10 pounds. Get new glasses. Buy a treadmill. Rearrange my office. Watch my coworker Patrick eat the 6 pound frittata at Mother's Cupboard after the Syracuse edition of Man vs. Food airs. Enter and win a public speaking contest. Become mildly obsessed with Kanye West. Spend every Sunday parked in front of the TV watching football.

October: Attend a Halloween party dressed as a cock-block, get a pretty good reception. Have a pretty quiet, boring month, with a lot more football. Exercise a bit more, but lose pretty much no weight. Get a new dryer. Enter and win two more public speaking contests - making it all the way to the championship round in Rochester. Decide to start growing my hair out - for real this time.

November: Have an eventful Thanksgiving when my mom tells my aunt to go fuck herself at dinner. Have a good vacation week home, including bar trivia - my most favorite. Have my mind explode when Kat Dennings releases naked pictures to the internet. Compete in the championship round of a public speaking contest, talking in front of approximately 150 people. The speech gets a great reaction but I do not win. Most of the month is lost, due to me losing my mind.

December: Buried in snow. Shovel every day for two weeks. Buy a new watch. Have a nice Christmas, make my mom very happy with her bracelet. Start a soul crushing 3 month workout routine that will surely punish my despicable procrastinating soul. Set my own world record for most respect loss for a person in the shortest amount of time. Later find out that it is me who is the idiot. Set to close out the year at a New Year's party that will hopefully have no cats and/or stomach flues.

Really, really up and down year for me, but I guess overall pretty positive.

why

I like egg whites at night.

I like using the perfect pushup paddles.

I like running (although much more outdoors).

Why don't I do it every day?

Why does this have to be a big deal?

weeeeeeeeeee

So, it's 3pm. My entire hallway is EMPTY. It's just me and Patrick. And he needs to be here because he's paid by the hour. I should have taken this week off instead of last week. But there is work to be done on the diet and exercise front! I've already started logging all of my calories using FoodScan on my iPhone and it's easy and kinda fun. I'm at 786 currently, which is sorta bad news because I'm gunning for 2000 a day and I'm not sure I'm going to make it.

I was slightly nervous yesterday because the fun is now over for a time and I'm out of shape and I have a lot of work to do exercise-wise... starting tonight. Boo-urns.

Add that to havin' your head asplode just before bed, then calling to tell your friend some crazy news, and he responds with some other potentially crazy news (that pertains to me!) and needless to say I was tossing and turning a little bit. I was so amped last night that Jack was woken up from a nap to be played with... which pretty much never happens.

I tried to read, but that wasn't working. I'm reading The Corrections, currently, the 2001 novel by Jonathan Franzen, and wow. It's these kind of novels that make me realize that I can never write like that. You read some popular fiction and think, oh yes, I can totally do that. This, this I can never do. So good, so layered, so complex. The book sat on my nightstand unread for almost two weeks because I wasn't crazy about the first chapter, but luckily I had some slow spots on my vacation - because wow! Shaping up to be one of my very favorite books.

But anyway, I manage to drift to sleep at like 12:30 (maybe?) and then I was awake again at 3. I tossed and turned all night and finally woke up for good at 4:30. While laying in bed and staring at the wall during this time, I saw perhaps the cutest thing ever. Jack, after a week at my mom's, is always in dire need of some rest. He spends the entire time there thinking that the puppy deathsquad is just around the corner and he's just a wreck. He slept the whole way home, 90% of the day, and was instantly snoring when I went to bed. Around 4:00... he is snoring quite loudly, but suddenly he gets up. Stretches allllllll the way back like he's going to howl (so much that he's almost kinda grunting), does 3 circles, lays back down and conks back out. Snoring again instantly. From snore to snore was 30 seconds max. It was all very cute. I miss these things when I happen to be asleep myself.

So I get out of bed at 4:30... set to writing something that was on my mind. Took a fair bit of time. I had the brilliant idea to brew 8 cups of coffee (Starbucks French Roast - EXTRA bold) instead of my normal 4. 4 I can handle. 8... apparently I can not. I got to work, and was 95% positive I was going to vomit. I had to walk around to make it go away, and eventually once the caffeine dissipated, I was fine. I was thinking that I was going to be a zombie come mid day, but I'm wide awake! It's almost time to go home. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

This has been my super terrific interesting day.

here's to 2011

I feel really good about 2011. For some reason that I can't quite put my finger on, I just feel that it's going to be the best year of my life. I've never felt that before. Maybe I'm misguided and it won't be - but I just feel it. 2009 and 2010 were both hit and miss for me. In 2009 I had all my finances in order and was in amazing shape, but was stressed out about work and impending unemployment all the time. 2010 saw a lot of debt (which is fine because I did something I really wanted to d0) and me completely out of shape, but on the plus side I have a solid and safe job. Also, considering all factors, I got a nearly $15,000 raise this year. So that's always positive.

So let's take the best of 2009 + the best of 2010 and make the best year ever, right?

What are some of the things I'm excited about?

January to March: Going to get in shape, which is something I've maybe finally learned is something you do and not talk about. Yes, I understand that I'm talking about it now, but it's action time. There's a great theory/idea about changing people's behavior and basically what it amounts to is that you can show someone the way they are incorrect and the correct way a million times, but they won't take any action until they are ready. I am ready. And it's about time. And besides, it's not like I haven't done it before.

Same time-frame; it's money time. I've been kind of looking forward to this all year. Between tax return and bonus in February and March, I should be able to take care of some of the things I've needed to take care of for a bit.

April: I'm planning on getting surgery in April to get rid of this giant cyst in my back. Doesn't sound like something to be excited about, but for someone like me with a minor case of OCD... it's for the best. My coworkers yell at me all the time when they catch me rolling it around in my hand at work! They don't even realize that I'm worse at home. It's gotta go! I'm slightly nervous to get operated on (first surgery!), but luckily it only requires local anesthetic and maybe I'll even get some vicodin out of the deal. :) Also, my insurance covers 100%, which is a plus.

July: Back to Los Angeles, most likely, and that's always something to look forward to.

Late Summer: We're trying to get a trip together to go to Outer Banks and rent out one of this giant houses. I'm really hoping we can make this happen.

I think that 2010 is going to be a year of great change and growth for me. I've already mentioned that I'm going to try to capture it, 365 photos at a time. It's kind of nuts that I'm going to be staring down 30 by the end of the year, but I hope by that time I'm fully comfortable with where I'm at in life and everything that's going down. There were always a few things I wanted to do by the time I'm 30, and maybe I won't have a BMW or a Lexus, but if I'm financially secure and in great shape, then that will be enough for me.

A nice girl wouldn't hurt either.

Merry Christmas to everyone who reads this. I hope you get everything you are hoping for. :)

"See" you in a week.

better enjoy this week

I'm officially on vacation now, which is nice. My last vacation of 2010, which I suppose it would have to be. 2011 brings 19 days off, which will be nice. Still hoping to finalize how those days will be spent.

But after the vacation, that's when the fun starts. December 27th starts my running program and diet. Lifting program starts the following week. All are going to run through March 21st, with the running and lifting hopefully lasting through the year. As of now I'm shooting for a full year of races, starting in the spring. Active.com has a nice selection of small little 5Ks around the area, and I'm shooting for the Boilermaker in July, the Arc of Onondaga half marathon in September and the first annual Syracuse half-marathon (in conjunction with the first annual Syracuse FULL marathon) in October. This will get me through most of the year. I want to be in outstanding shape for my 30th birthday, which is unfortunately only 14 months away. :(

beep beep narcissist coming through

I looked back on 2010 and thought... you know what? I wasn't as much of a narcissist as I could be. How can I fix that in 2011?

This is how.

I've wanted to do this off/on for a bit and 2011 is the perfect time. If only I had started in October. I don't even look like the same person now as I did in October and that's pretty much a unanimous decision. Now that my hair is well grown in, it's just WEIRD. But I'm growing my hair out until March, cutting it, etc. Also, I plan on losing a Jack's worth of weight next year. So, big things. Big changes. Good way to commemorate, notice.

Just another way to talk about myself (in a sense, there will be no words). :)

did the middle class finally catch a break?

The decrease in social security tax from 6.2% to 4.2% for 2011 nets $1000 cash in pocket for every $50,000 you make as an individual.

Yay.

Although I support a lot of what has been happening lately, for ONCE I feel like something the government is doing will DIRECTLY benefit me.

Just also found out at work that we will be getting performance based raises shortly with the increase to start 4/1. Come on 6%!

oh i'm still living at the old address

Perfect winter song. And I love it so dearly. I have a lot to say about the New Year, but I'll save it for closer. I have very strong feelings about 2011.

maybe, just maybe

Stranger things have happened.

you'll learn, baby, you'll learn

I saw what I believe to be my favorite episode of "The Office" in syndication yesterday. It's called "The Chump" and it centers on Michael being the "other man" and slowly losing his mind over this fact.

Michael: Do you think this husband is a super sweet nice guy? Do you think he's an angel? I don't think so. Why is his wife going off and having a little something-something with me? There has to be a problem with him.
Andy: In any cheating movie, the person getting cheated on is the hero. You're Ali Larter, I'm Beyonce.
Michael: I am Beyonce always.

Always.

Side note: The whole throwing Woody in the trash scene from this week's, culminating with Michael blurting out..."I don't know, funny, because it would be a funny story to tell our children one day," while EVERYONE groans at the same time was tremendous. Great scene.

the darkness is gone

I still love Dexter even though the season finale this year ended like a lot of my dates... (without a climax - 'sup girls?)

I came to realize over the course of this season that Julia Stiles looks kinda like a prettier version of one of my ex-gfs, so there's always that. I groaned when I saw she was gonna be on the show, but she kind of did an awesome job this year as Lumen.

Where to next season? They wrapped up all the potential plot lines. I'm hearing (from my industry sources, aka the internets) that next season is probably the last one... so I'm kinda shocked that Deb didn't find Dexter there.

No more Dexter. Further compounded by the fact that I don't have Lost to look forward to this year. And fantasy football is over... am I gonna have to get a life?

watch this!

Got my new watches. :)

I apparently keep things in groups of 3. That's just how I roll. (Apparently)

The one on the right is the nice one from Movado. It's stunning in person. I think the guy on the left is doomed to not being worn that much, even though I wore it on Friday and got quite a few compliments about it. It just doesn't compare to the other one.

people shouldn't go crazy

12 years since the album was released. Still one of the best songs I've ever heard.

Wish she was still making music. :(

abed's gift

I'm slightly concerned that Abed found the Season 1 Lost DVD as a metaphor for lack of payoff.

It's one of my current favorite things making fun of my all-time favorite thing. I liked Lost's payoff!

meet me in montauk

Joel: [in the house on the beach] I really should go! I've gotta catch my ride.
Clementine: So go.
Joel: I did. I thought maybe you were a nut... but you were exciting.
Clementine: I wish you had stayed.
Joel: I wish I had stayed too. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of things. I wish I had... I wish I had stayed. I do.
Clementine: Well I came back downstairs and you were gone!
Joel: I walked out, I walked out the door!
Clementine: Why?
Joel: I don't know. I felt like I was a scared little kid, I was like... it was above my head, I don't know.
Clementine: You were scared?
Joel: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation.
Clementine: Was it something I said?
Joel: Yeah, you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?
Clementine: Oh, I'm sorry.
Joel: It's okay.
[Walking Out]
Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.
[Joel comes back]
Clementine: Bye Joel.
Joel: I love you...
Clementine: Meet me... in Montauk...

That's great dialogue. Even better if you know the movie and how it all fits in. Charlie Kaufman is a very smart man. Trying to pick what movie to watch tonight. This or Wall-E. I went with Wall-E, needed to smile. But this is a good movie.

Was my favorite movie for a time. Easily still top 5.

brain-dump

Been awhile since I did something like this - I've had a lot of focused posts the last few months. No hodgepodge.

I was thinking this morning, as I was shoveling (for nearly an hour) what a stupid idiot I am. I balk at a snowblower for being $600 but then I drop $500 on two watches in a heartbeat. Granted, I've been chasing the expensive one all over for months now like it either a) owed me money or b) i was in love with it, but that's besides the point. Wouldn't the snowblower help me more?, I said to myself as I was shoveling 8 inches of heavy snow. But then I came to the conclusion that no - no it would not. This is good for me. I feel good coming in to work now. It's apparently enough exercise to get the endorphins kicking. I forgot what it felt like last summer when I would run 4.25 miles before work every morning. You're just more awake. I can get used to it. But please stop snowing. Please.

This is my first Christmas in a few years without a girlfriend. Break from big gifts, right? Well, I thought so. No jewelery for sure, right? Also, thought that too. But for the first time in my life, my mom has specifically requested something from me. She wants a bracelet. A silver Pandora charm bracelet (and just a few charms, nothing major she says). Turns out they mark up the price of the charms for Christmas and apparently they are $100 a piece? Greaaatt. She never asks for anything and I love her, so it's not even a question of spending the money, but I thought I was skating this year. No. No I am not.

My 15 year old girl status update: (which I may or may not have recently seen on my niece's wall) You can forget what someone said to you, you may even forget what someone did to you, but you will never forget the way someone made you feel. I like that. It hit me for some reason.

Do you know what I hate? When people lie to my face and think I'm an idiot. Let's hypothetically say that someone has had 3 days blocked off on their calendar for over a month now. Despite claiming they weren't taking any vacation days for the rest of the year. Now let's further assume that this hypothetical individual calls my phone yesterday morning at 8:00AM and then calls my hypothetical coworkers phone when I don't answer. And this person, this sparkling gem, says that she will be out the next 3 days because the Dr. has "pulled her from work." Oh, really? What a god damn glorious coincidence that it coincides with the three days you had blocked off your calendar for a month. And why 3 days? Oh, because anything more than 3 requires a Dr.'s note? GET OUT OF TOWN. I'm glad you think that I, and others, are stupid enough to buy this. I hope you choke on whatever it is you're putting in your mouth.

Also on the do-not-like list: 100% of the population is allowed to think that I am not special. That I am the same as everyone else. 99% of them can say it to my face with no consequences whatsoever. But if you are in the 1% and you do say it to me? That can kind of ruin everything. Remarkable.

sick joke

You've gotta be kidding me.

I saw a watch in GQ months ago that I just HAD to have, but I couldn't find it ANYWHERE. So, today, I buy a different all black watch from Gilt that is nonrefundable. Come home from work, pop on The Daily Show, see a commercial for the VERY WATCH I can't find. Hit the website, and it's available. SON OF A...

So, yes, I bought two watches today. Stellar!

buried

It's snow time. It's not so bad. Well, not this bad, yet. (this is from last January - so about a year ago)

I'd say we got about 10 inches so far. I actually shoveled before work this morning, an all-time first. I was out there before 7 am. Lunacy! This will be the year that I keep up on it. Haha. Yeah - this will be the year that I do a lot of things, right? (Like get in good enough shape to buy some Lanvin from H&M? That better happen in 2011!) I also wound up shoveling the deck off for Jack late in the evening... it was up to his neck.

Anyway, I'm coming to learn that I don't hate shoveling snow as much as I thought. It's peaceful and deathly quiet in the middle of a snow storm. Good for thinking. How crazy would it be if I finally got used to the cold and snow? Pretty crazy.

and now for something different

I'm running out of time.

I've proven to myself lately that I can really lay it all on the line when I truly want something, and now it's going to be time to put that theory to the test.

December 27th is 12 weeks away from March 20th. And I need to be 100% disciplined during that time. Because I want to keep my $500. I'm doing a bad job, and I don't know why. I want nothing more in my life. But I've been weak, distracted.

I miss my clothes. I miss not being so self conscious. I miss a lot of things.

I have a 5K running program starting, which is a bit misleading. It's only a 3.12 mile race, but the program has you running 4 mile runs in week 1. The goal is to run in GREAT time, so you end up running up to 7 miles to build stamina, as well as sprints and hill runs. So that's building block 1. It's through nike.com and goes M-W-F to start with a few extra runs coming in the later weeks.

T-R-S are gonna be lifting days. With my body type, I can never really leave the gym for long periods of time, but I do. Lifting is the key to everything but for some reason I neglect it. I shouldn't even say that like I don't know what the reason is - I do. It takes a lot more time than running. Drive to the gym, get changed, lift for an hour, change again, drive home... you're looking at 2 hours. Tough to rationalize on weeknights, but I mean, really? So that's step 2.

You need to really work for anything worth having. ANYTHING. And I've been thinking about that a lot lately... covering a few different scenarios. Great things aren't just gonna come to you.

Step 3 is the one I never do, and that's the nutrition. Counting calories, every single day. No cheating. Limited processed foods. Last January, I did the whole 5 small meals a day thing, which was hard. I lost almost 15 pounds and that was without working out! Nuts.

Two cheat days. That's it. February 21st - my birthday. It's a holiday and I have it off from work. One day in January, which I guess I should make the 21st to keep it even. And then I can cheat March 21st, but the competition is over then. So it doesn't matter. It matters in a sense, because I want to ride this momentum into the spring and outdoor running season. I still want to run a half marathon next year. But since I want to keep my money I need to do this NOW.

Everything I currently want in life, minus one thing (major thing), is completely dependent on me doing this, so what could possibly prevent me from doing it the right way? And I've done it before.

I'm writing this here to keep myself accountable. They say put it out in the open and you're more likely to stick to it - so there you go.

the part of me left out of the river

All the street lights glowin'

Happened to be just like moments passing in front of me

So I hopped in my cab and I paid my fare

See, I know my destination but I'm just not there

I've been both helped out and hurt by one key aspect of my personality but I'm really not liking that aspect of who I am right now.

grumps

You know you're in a bit of a bad mood to start the day when someone tells you that you look nice today and you instantly hiss back "don't patronize me."

Oof.