Yesterday

Yesterday was a strange day. Very strange. I was sitting around most of the day just waiting for 5:00 pm, when my beloved Tarheels would fight to earn a spot to their second consecutive final four (they did, easily)... but the strangest thing happened in the early afternoon.

I just got this overwhelming sense of dread. I was looking over some things and I couldn't escape the thought of "what does it matter?" I was looking at things I wanted to buy and I just kept thinking that I'm just going to have to re-sell them at a loss when I lose my house in a few months. Or looking over my budget and planning on selling my house and moving back home.

It was just all so ODD. If you know me at all, you know that I never think or act this way. I'm always trying to see the positive side of things and like to think that I don't lose hope in the face of adversity. Nothing in my life has ever caused me to think or expect bad things to happen.

But there it was.

It was all so very strange. Luckily it went away before the game even started, and the demolishing of Oklahoma helped me feel much better.

There is no place in my life for negative thinking. Just need to stay the course. Save the money. Buy the furniture. Pay off the debt. Lose the weight. Simple. That's it from now until my self-imposed deadline of July.

(no girls! we think...) (at least that's the plan)

Also: if I finally make it to the magical 185 barrier that I've been planning for almost a year now then I am going to treat myself with a secret special surprise. Hint: something I was really talking big about a year ago but then kind of forgot about. Double hint: it's tied in with my weight getting below a certain point.

Now that I know what it feels like to be depressed; even for just one hour... I don't envy that at all. Awful.