a life less ordinary

I'm having one of those days today.

It happens every so often; a day where I wish I could change every single thing about my life.

The fact that this is a monthly occurrence makes me wonder where exactly I went wrong.

I wish I had more adventure in my life. I wish I could travel. I wish I met quirky people and we did quirky, exciting things together.

My life is boring. I own a home, which has me trapped in a place that I'm not in love with. I actually kind of like Syracuse, but it's definitely not my dream destination. My personality and interests tell me that it's common sense I should live in a city.

Aside from six months in Melbourne, I never have.

But here I am, and here I will be for years.

It's hard to reconcile the smart decision and the decision you want to make when there is a disconnect between the two. I always make the smart decision. Prudent thinking says that obviously I have been living my life the right way, but every once in a while I just want to let loose and do something crazy.

I'd love to just drop Jack off at my moms and travel the world for six months. That would be superb. I don't have the balls to do something that is so counter-intuitive to everything I have been working towards my whole life. Get a good education, get a good job, accumulate wealth. This was the life plan and I'm living it. But I yearn to just go off the grid and do something crazy. I haven't even been on a plane in 4 years! This is very depressing to me.

The same goes for my relationships. I always end up in the "safe" relationship and grow complacent and bored over time. I never really meet interesting people, who I feel I would do better with. Why is this?

I don't know. I imagine that by tomorrow this will pass, as it always does and I'll be back to working on my goals and trying to do the right thing to plan for a smarter, easier future.

But doesn't the fact that these thoughts creep up with regularity indicate that I'm going to have to do something about it sooner or later?

I just can't shake the fact that I should be doing something more with my life.